Saturday, December 17, 2005

What kind of girl are you? (with pix!)"

me
What kind of girl are you?

You're like me! The intelligent loner. You're shy
at times but friendly, and you are never weak
and always independent. You are incredibly
intelligent (wise beyond your years) and have a
talent for many things (sports, music, art).
You have a kind and warm personality and enjoy
the simple things. Like hanging out with
friends and watching movies at home. But you're
sometimes quiet nature makes you a bit of an
outcast and a mystery to people. No matter how
pretty you are or smart or athletic, you just
can't seem to break into the crowd and be
noticed. Don't worry, try to be more outgoing
and speak out when you have more to say. Don't
hide behind your books and sports and computer,
get out there and get noticed. You also have
deep desires in life and feel vunerable and
alone at times. Don't feel sad either, What
helps me to express feelings and dreams that I
can't say to people, is through my writting.
Maybe you should try.

SONG 2 -BLUR

I got my head checked
By a jumbo jetIt wasn't easy
But nothing is No
Woo-hoo
When I feel heavy-metal
And I'm pins and I'm needles
Well, I lie and I'm easy
All the time but I am never sure
Why I need you
Pleased to meet you
I got my head down
When I was young
It's not my problem
It's not my problem
Yeah yeahYeah yeahYeah yeah
Oh yeah

Everyday is a football day. Cume semalam aku dh penat sgt, so aku tak dpt tgk MU vs Wigan. Hoh! Aku bknlah peminat MU...jauh panggang dr api! Tp aku akan tgk ape aje matches selagik terlarat...becuz I luv football very much. Football nieh is a way of my life jugaklah. Bile aku mule sebok ngn football life aku, I just dun care about anything else. Yg aku pk...wat keje aku, wat hal aku...n lepas tuh...ape match aku leh tgk. Everytime aku tgk bola, aku rase motivated sangat. N aku tibe2 rase macam idea mencurah2 dlm otak aku. N sumtimes...aku rase aku dh back to angan2 aku.

Aku dulu slalu berangan nak jd journalist. My true ambition. Dr kecik, aku nak sgt jd engineer. Keje ngn machine. Terpengaruh ngn McGyver...segale macam Sci-Fi!

Tp lepas tuh, bile mak aku decide yg aku tak boleh masuk bidang macam tuh, becuz die kate...die taknak kehilangan anak pompuan tunggal die nieh (bayangkan kalo jd engineer, mesti aku tak macam yg kowang lihat skang...kalo amik engineering...mmg takkan mane aku intrested ngn laki...silap aribulan gelaran "lesbos" aku tuh makin sebok nak diperkatekan!)So, to fulfill my mom's actual ambition...amiklah accounting. Blaja pasal duit, sedangkan diri tak berduit! Takde maknenye!!!

Aku frust. Ingt lagik mase awal2 aku masuk form 4, aku dh siapkan almost all physics n chem nye notes. Aku study giler2 nye rajin! Aku wat Add Math everyday. Of course aku tak minat Bio...tp aku tetap blaja. N then...bile ibu decided aku kena pindah sekolah (walhal baru dua bulan jek kat KGV tuh), and aku kena amik Prinsip Akaun (walhal mase masuk sci stream pon aku amik extra account gak)...aku frust. Aku asek nanges jek. Up to one extend, aku amik sume buku2 n notes aku...letak satu tpt n aku bakar sumenye. Mase tuh, rase dunia nieh tak adil...aku blaja pandai2...walopon aku pemalas...tp aku score. Aku dpt results segempaq mungkin utk aku capai cite2 aku. Mase tuh aku pk, kalo stakat aku nak amik account, commerce, economics...buat ape aku dpt A byk2 mase PMR. Tp aku tak pernah nanges dpn ibu. Sbb aku mmg ego! Depan die, aku buat biase...cume maybe aku kurang bercakap. Tp aku asek dok bertandang kat umah arwah nenek. Ptg2 aku dok ngan nenek, dok n nanges. Nenek tak pandai pujuk pon, paling best die buat pon...die masakkan maggie ke...cekodok ke...takpon die petik bunga melur blakang umah bagi kat aku. Hehe...Bile ingat camnieh...mulelah mewindu kaaann...Nak wat camne, org takde agik...Ibu plak, ego...keras kepalenye takkan dpt aku lwn. Nk masuk sekolah baru aku tuh...aku rase cam nak bom jek sekolah tuh. Aku tau, sume nieh sbb aku dh wat die marah. Anak org len berebut nak masuk SBP, aku plak nak kuar. Mane tidaknye...cikgu2 aku kat situ punyelah teruk...bkn nak masuk kelas. 3 thn aku sekolah kat situ...aku blaja sniri n ngn kwn2. Agaknye maybe cikgu rase kitowang dh pandai...kalo tak pandai tak masuk situ. Tp mane puas ati beb! Dh la tuh...kat aku sekolah tuh langsung takde standard la. Sekolah biase pon lagik bagus. Facilities haprak giler. So...lupekan SBP...n akhirnye trime la punishment seumo idup nieh!

Pastuh, aku mule concentrate kat 2nd ambition aku. Like I said, nak jd journalist. Berangan dpt travel n tulis report. Paling best...aku slalu berangan nak tulis sal bola. Aku brangan smpai ke Anfield! Hahaha..sronoknye angan2. Aku rase aku taklah truk sgt kot. Languages aku score gak. N aku mmg suke jek buat research. Tapiiiiii.....

N then...as usual...life aku ditentukan lagik. Aku ingt mase aku lambat dpt surat tawaran masuk matrik (mase tuh, ade yg masuk matrik before result SPM kuar). Aku ingt camne stressed nye aku. Surat lambat sampai, ibu marah aku. Aku sedih...merajuk lagik gi umah nenek. Sebbaik sebelah umah jek. Aku sniri rase tensen. Aku paham asal ibu marah, bkn ape...pride die kan tinggi. Anak org len pon sekolah SBP...tapi tak senakal aku kot. Aku masuk SMAP. Bkn aku suke pon! N bkn aku tak tau ibu tukarkan surat SBP aku dr sekolah asrama penuh biase jd SBP agame! Dr patut pergi ke TKC or STF aku berpindah ke SMAP. Tuh yg tak best jd anak cikgu nieh! Waktu tuh, start cite2 hancur. Aku jd nakal...smpai ibu pernah kena panggil gi sekolah. Mesti die malu. Org len anak kat SBP, tp ceritenye sume membanggekan kluarge, tak macam aku. Pastuh masuk lak sekolah kat luar, tak stay sampai Form 5. Mane die tak stressed?

Back to cerite matrik...Anak2 kwn ibu sume dpt tawaran mase tuh. Aku jd bengang jugak ibu marah, sbb most of the time result aku kan lagik elok dr diorg! N then aku rase tak payah la aku nak poyo2 masuk blaja awal sgt...nnt bile result dh kuar, aku sambung la blaja. Kecik ati jugak sbb aku langsung tak dibenarkan keje...n takde sape nak tanye aku nak amik lesen ke tidak. So, the moment aku dpt surat matrik aku...Alhamdulillah...they started to send me there. Dpt kat KYPM Bangi...sebbaik bukan KYPM Kuantan! Dekat. Being one rebellous daughter...aku mmg la nakal. Tp kat matrik aku okaylah. Senang kot, lg pon kat situ aku terpakse rajin. So, results mmg bagus n cantek....so dptlah Cik Kiah bernapas. Lagik satu... aku tak fail nak balik umah slalu...so, die takleh la nak marah. Mmg pangai aku, aku baik ke tak baik ke...aku nye jadual balik kg mmg bagus. Niat aku, if aku wat camnie...hope adik2 ikut...tak lupe nak balik kg...walopon sakit gak ati setiap kali balik...Tau jelah kelaseran Cik Kiah...adduuuuuhhhh...

Satu sem jek. Results not bad at all. Tibe2 aku kena pindah agik. Supposedly aku patut carry on jek planning nak ikut program JPA. Tp, aku tgk die cam sedih lak ngan tindakan aku. Die ckp, kalo aku gi...camne...sape nak bg duit...walopon aku tegaskan mende tuh scholar n die tau...tp die wat dono jek. Alasan die, takde sape akan support aku kalo aku gi...n die obviously takkan support aku. N most of all...die kan suke aku dok dekat ngn die. So, aku just dropped the matter...pandang jelah member pi sane. Aku kena ikut plan mak aku. Senyap2...die blikan borang UNITEN. Aku isik jelah...dh die nak aku gi situ. Alasannye...nak suh aku masuk degree programme trus. Trus dpt B.Acc (Hons)! Smpai aku kate nak amik finance pon die tak bagi. Aku ske HR, die tak bg gak. Aku diam jeklah. Accounting...rase cam bodoh jek kos nieh. Aku tau mase results aku dh cukupkan sume syarat Accounting tuh. Score Math n Account..rase menyesal lak time tuh! But I learned...and rasenye sape yg mmg bace blog nieh truly understand how difficult it was for me to obtain my accounting degree.Tp lepas jugak kan....so, it's okay laaa...Cume rintangan tuh...hmm...Tuhan jek yg tau...

Why am I telling all this dlm blog nieh? Well...senang jek. Satu, aku rase one day...maybe not now....aku nak try dptkan cite2 aku. Of course...rase frust jugak cite2 tak kesampaian. N the other thing is...aku rase all the stories above was my path of memories kan? Aku mmg la sedih...even sampai skang pon, nak keje...mesti pasal kire duit tuh jugak..account jugak! Tak dpt aku nak tukar cite2. N there's numbers of things yg ibu suke pilihkan utk aku....Wonder sok kalo nak berlaki die pilihkan ke tak..hehehe...
But above all dat, her luv matters so much to me. Aku tak kisah dlm hal blaja aku...or life aku byk yg die wat keputusan. Aku anggap...die mmg sygkan aku. N most of all..kalo difikirkan balik kan..aku patut bersyukur ade org nak pkkan aku. N aku takleh regret ngan pilihan die cuz aku rase kan...kalo aku merungut...means aku tak redha! So, dis weekend aku hanye ingatkan cerite nieh....and remember how much she luvs me. Org takkan pernah paham nilai kasih sayang kitowang nieh...looking at how we treat each other..hahaha...biarlah...people can say anything...walo panas di ati..tp aku tau la ape jd kan?
N....for dat....aku sangat syg ibu la. Dats all I want to say. Time to appreciate my besfen...
Lagu nieh? Hmm..lagu aku! Mase sekolah everyday nyanyi, and kuat part WooooHHHooooo...penghibur Masyetah, my pren...hehe..die suke aku nyanyi lagu nieh...Miss her a lot...dgr cite nak kawen?
Hmmm...aku just nak ckp..my fon is not available skang....belum lagik. Biarlah aku ade time for my self...aku tak ready nak jupe sesape lagik. Dun ask me why...

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