Thursday, February 02, 2006

lifehouse



HANGING BY A MOMENT-LIFEHOUSE

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
Closer where i Started
Chasing after you

i'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all i've held onto
i'm standing here until you make me move
i'm hanging by a moment here with you

forgetting all i'm lacking
completely and complete
i'll take your invitation
you take all of me

now.. i'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all i've held onto
i'm standing here until you make me move
i'm hanging by a moment here with you

i'm livin for the only thing i know
i'm running here and crashing
where to go?
and down i know i'd like to be in tune
just hanging by a moment here with you

there's nothing left to lose
nothing left to fly
there is nothing in the world that can change my mind
there is nothing else
there is nothing else..

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
Closer where i Started
Chasing after you

i'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all i've held onto
i'm standing here until you make me move
i'm hanging by a moment here with you

i'm livin for the only thing i know
i'm running here and crashing
where to go?
and down i know i'd like to be in tune
just hangning by a moment here with you

just hanging by a moment
hanging by a moment..
hanging by a moment...
hanging by a moment here with you..

Okehlaaaa..aku sbnrnye takde idea nak story pe asal2nye. Tibe2 mase berborak ngan member aku sowang nieh mlm nieh (sape agik kalo bkn
Cik Ayen!)...tibe2 dpt topik plak...Topik jiwang plak tuh! Ahaks....Geli ati la. Nk story the mory topik jiwang ngan Cik Ayen nieh rase macam nak gelak jek...Tp mengenangkan kwn sowang nieh tgk sebok mewindu kan, so tak kisah laa..tahan gelak tuh dulu:P

Topiknye:WINDU. Hmm...sbb kwn aku nieh mewindu kat seseorang mlm nieh, so...tibe2 story pasal windu plak, instead of cite bola. Kdg2 rase nak usik die bile die windu2 macam org demam nieh...tp sbb aku tgk kes die dah macam org demam panas...tak jd la plak. Hihi. Kesian...Cik Sha layan jek laaa...demi member tercayang sowang nieh! Okay pe...kurang2 tau la yg my pren sowang nieh ade prasaan jugak. Bkn macam mase mule2 kenal dulu dok bergaduh je ngan die smpai rase nak campak barang (macam mane la dr gaduh gile leh jd baik aku pon tak paham!). In fact, aku ske bile die windu darling die. Geli ati tgk die mengade2. Ahaks...:P

So...camne ek, kalo kowang windu? Ape kowang buat? Trus ckp windu ke? Persoalannye skang...pernah ke kowang windu mewindu nieh?

Windu nieh macam strange kan. Kdg, bile tgh wat keje pon leh windu. Macam bom meletup dlm pale, tibe2 jek. Tp, mesti ade sbb kowang leh mewindu kan. Aku rase 1st time aku rase windu yg terlebih hebat, mase aku kecik. Tak paham ape itu windu, waktu tuh. Aku kena ikut aunty aku balik KL, sbb parents aku ade hal sket. Lebih 2 bulan aku tinggal kat sane. Lame betul! Seingat aku, aku asek menangis tak henti2. Aku tak tau ape aku nak, maybe aku nak balik umah arwah nenek aku kot. Tp yg pasti, takde sape nak mendengar, takpon org saje wat2 tak dengar. Dh besar nieh, aku paham la nape aku dihantar gi situ dulu. Mase kecik2 aku tak tau kan. So...mase tuh aku just nanges...there are times aku takleh makan, takleh wat ape2 sbb aku asek nangeh jek. Sampai satu ari arwah nenek dtg KL. The moment I saw my nenek, I was too overwhelming with joy...sampai aku lari peluk nenek aku. Pastuh aku nangeh puas2. Since then...aku dh tak nangeh agik...n tibe2 macam ade sumthing terangkat dr kepale n bahu aku. Rase free:D

Dok asrama, bkn tak windu...windu. Tp mungkin care aku express windu aku tuh salah, tak macam kawan2 len yg dok nangeh n call mak. Aku plak langsung tak nangeh. Call jugak, tp kejap. Yg aku buat...aku slalu wat pangai la. Aku fly trus balik umah. Tipu surat sakit. Hihi. Aku pon tak paham asal aku suke carik jln cenggitu nak balik umah, tp dh besar...brla aku paham...AKU WINDU.

So, kesimpulannye? Windu....lagik2 pade fam nieh...kadang2 ade masenye takleh nak difahami. Kdg2 kalo berjupe asek bertekak jek ngan adik-beradik...men tarik2 rambut. Tp bile dh jauh, kite wat macam2 utk menghilangkan windu kite pade dowang. Tp dgn care kite sniri la. Ade macam2 care:D

Dr kecik, aku blaja...kalo windu, tak payah dok ckp. Mungkin aku terlalu "bega", degil..keras kepale. Nk cakap, takut ibu aku gelak, since ibu pon cenggitu. Tp dh tua2 nieh, dh tak segan cenggitu. Dh leh straight kate windu, tp ayat aku la. Maybe sbb ibu tuh jenis garang, so...bab meluah prasaan tuh ayat macam keras sket bunyinye..Kdg kalo org tak paham...sure ingat kitowang bergaduh or aku kurang ajar. Hakikatnye...mmg kitowang nieh kasar sesame sniri...tp cayang tau!:P

It was later then...when I fell in luv for the 1st time. Aku tak sedar pon aku dh suke org time tuh, kan? All I know when he went away, he got sumone special...br aku paham makne windu tuh. Sayang. N there I was...jd pungguk windukan bulan plak dah! Hahaaa. Blaja the meaning of missing sumone. Regret? Ntahlah. Tak kot. Yg de cume sumthing yg aku tak paham mase tuh. I kept thinking about only one person everytime. Teringat jek. Lepas tuh, bile dh takleh wat ape...dok diam2 dlm bilik. Bile jupe die, rase cam hepi giler. Pastuh, bile balik...dat strange feeling started to have its effect back. Susah betul!:P

N the moment came...to let go. Brape lame ek, aku mewindu lepas tuh? 2 years? Ntah, tak ingat sangat aa. But it was damn hard to sleep at nite. Aku mmg suke giler tgk bintang malam2, if ade org jek aku ske ctrl tak gi tgk. So, mase tuh...aku tinggal level 10 kat Murni UNITEN tuh, bilik plak aku sowang. Mlm2 cam automatic, bukak tingkap...tgk je luar. Blakang tuh jln nak pi Putrajaya. Tp from level 10 leh nampak Palm Garden. N more stars:)

Mlm tuh mmg episod hati terluka aku kot. Dh time nak let go. So, mule2 tuh nangeh smpai kering, smpai kepale jd bengang. Mate sepet aku dh takleh bukak, melekit n bile bengkak jd lagik kecik! Tibe2 bangun, bukak tingkap bilik. Weh...aku tak pk nak bunuh diri tau! Ade iman agik! Pandang2 luar....macam takde bintang jek. Pastuh, nangeh lagik. Tak tau la dok carik pe kat langit tuh. Skali..tibe2 nampak sumthing. One and only bintang yg leh aku tgk dr bilik aku. Satu jek malam tuh. Tp cam tinggi giler...jauh kot. Ntah pe kena ngan aku mlm tuh...I started to talk to the star. Bicara sama bintang! Macam lagu Rossa plak. Ahaks. Mule2 rase macam bodoh, mengong pon de ckp2 kat bintang nieh. Tp...ntah aa...maybe pasal tuh, aku tak pernah ckp kat sape2. The star was the 1st one to know. Huhu. Tp lepas ckp tuh kan, cam lega...Satu malam tak tido...smpai terbit matahari n bintang tuh pon ilang. Menjelang pagi, senyum balik:)

Since then, every nite...dok....tgk bintang from my windows. Dh mula rational sket. Sbnrnye...bkn bintang tuh kan? Kalo nak ngadu ape2, ngadu ngan Tuhan...betul tak? Bintang tuh kan, Tuhan yg punye. Unconciously, lame2 aku sedar ngan SIAPE aku mengadu sebenarnye. Tp...ntahla...aku macam appreciate giler everytime aku tgk bintang2 nieh. Mlm2 dok sowang2 tgk bintang before tido. Mengadu windu aku. N asal2 aku tak sedar pon bile aku tgk bintang tuh aku doa macam2. Most of all utk owang yg aku windu tuh aaa. Aku nak die hepi, segala hajat dimakbulkan...Tuhan sayang. Tekad, kalo die bukan utk aku pon, aku nak hajat die kesampaian! Aku doa jek...Sbb kat mane2 pon Dia ade. Even kat bintang yg tinggi tuh! Sbb Dia jek leh tlg aku...

Lame...tgk bintang...bertahun jugaklah! Until....yup, aku jupe org len. Same case, not a happy ending. But still, macam dulu...until now....bile aku pandang bintang tuh, serta-merta aku akan teringat...ade yg lebih besar dr aku. Ade yg menguji. Kalo tak, takkan jd camnieh kan? Bintang tuh sniri pon tak kekal pe. Kalo bintang tuh makin terang...maknenye jangka hayat bintang tuh dh makin pendek. Nk jd lohong itam jek kat angkase tuh. Bace buku Science. So...aku patut tau, ade masenye kite akan hepi...macam bintang tuh, ade satu mase lagik terang dr bintang2 len. Tp satu mase nnt, die takkan ade sinar lagik, kan! Idup kite pon macam tuh...

Maybe, care aku bodoh...macam budak2. Bile windu, tgk bintang. Tp mende macam nieh, byk iktibar kan. Bintang tuh, bile hujan...die takde. Langit mendung, die takde. So, maknenye...kite takleh harap satu2 mende tuh akan stay slamenye ngan kite. Everyone walks away eventually. So, kite kena bersedia bile die takde. N bile die ade...hargai die sepenuhnye. Wuish...jiwang tak falsampah Cik Sha nieh...hihihii...

Senang ckp camnieh la. I learned from the stars. Pengajaran ade di mane2. Even kat bintang yg tinggi tuh. Windu...mane bleh ilang. We can just ctrl it. Kalo terlalu windu, n dilayan windu tuh...lame2 yg parah...kite kan?! It's just dat...ape yg kite buat bile kite windukan sumone tuh. Dulu, windu means nangeh. Lepas tuh, windu means langgar peraturan skolah, n lastly....bile windu, tgk bintang. Tgk bintang, kalo bintang ade. Tp tgk bintang kosong2, takde makne. So, learn sumthing....

N ape skali kite wat bile windu, ingat sape yg kurniakan prasaan windu nieh utk kite. Maybe...ape je yg kite wat tuh, is to bring us back to The One. Maybe prasaan windu tuh utk mengingatkan kite kat Dia. Ntah laaa...lately aku bertambah paham nape tibe2 ati aku tergerak nak ckp ngan bintang tuh dulu. Huhu. It is maybe becuz He wants me to be back to my religion. Jgn aku windu membabi buta! Ingat, sape yg bagi sume nieh...

So, kalo dh Dia yg bagi prasaan tuh kat kite...kite doakanlah utk yg diwindui ek! Kdg2, kalo bintang takde...aku pejam mate rapat2 (nieh kalo siang ke, dh ade org..so takleh over-react dpn org). Aku ckp dlm ati, "Ape die buat pun, lindungilah die! Kalo boleh...smpaikan aku windu kat die! Aminnn!!!" Pastuh aku wat keje balik. Ehehehe. Slalu aku wat hobi aku la, aku bace buku ke...aku masak ke....tgk kartun. Takpun aku keje kuat2, blaja rajin2. Mlm2 bile dh sowang2, layan la windu tuh puas2 dgn bintang. Time to learn sumthing! Tp mesti doakan die everyday. Sbb...kalo kite syg...kite doakan, betul tak?

Aku bukan alim ulama...tak dgr ckp aku pon takpe. Becuz there are times I'm not as tough. Tp....dis was what I did for myself n the ones dat I missed.

So, missing sumbody, anyone? Dis is a normal feeling....bukan utk yg berchenta jek...:P

p/s: since today cite sal windu2an..like to share my windu2an song satu zaman dulu la...n a special pix for Cik Ayen:D

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