Tuesday, June 24, 2008

sha: it's rainin...

Hujan. Bile hujan…aku akan ingat macam2 benda.

Gambo nieh aku amik mase hujan lebat sangat kat Seremban. Aku nak gi keje. Pastuh…aku nampak air menitik2 kat tingkap…aku jd cam sedih sangat…. kena plak ngan lagu Dunia Batinku kat dlm radio mase tuh...puding kastard betul....cettt...huhuh....

Aku teringat bile aku dpt tau Sepet nak pindah kat KL. Aku tak tau nape, tp ape berite sal die masih bagi effect kat diri aku. Nak kate aku jenis yg macam tuh…bukan aku tak pernah kapel ngan org len sebelum Sepet. Dulu, kalo aku dgr pasal ex aku si Ganu tuh…aku asek rase nak marah. Tahla…sampai skang aku rase nak pancung die. Ade mase, aku rase kosong, macam dlm ati nieh berkate, “Lantaklah. Gi mampus…” If only I can erase everything yg ade pasal die tuh.

Tp dgn Sepet, aku takleh wat camtuh. Dah lama break nieh...tp aku langsung takleh nak marah ngan die. Aku kalo bole…sebolenye jgn amik tau. Tp I cannot help it. Bile taknak tau tuh la lagi aku nak tau. Aku macam nak sangat tau. Then, mule la nak marah2 diri sendiri. Ape la kena ngan aku nieh….

Aku sbnrnye sedih bile die takde keliling aku lagi. Back in my mind…aku nak gak kalo ade ke awek2 yg lawa2…yang baik2 kat KL tuh yg nak kat die. Biarla die ade teman. Taklah die lonely sangat. But on the other way around…sbnrnye ade mase aku rase macam taknak ade org replace aku.Cet…tah hape2 la aku nieh. Imagining yg dat gal will feel what I used to feel...made me feel...restless.

Kusut. Bile pasal die, slalu macam nieh. Kusut yg boleh bagi aku tak aman. Kusut yg ade mase leh wat aku hepi. Kompius betul laaaaa!!!!!

Aku ingat lagik…mase die tibe2 carik aku. Mase tuh dah setahun kitowang breakup. Tibe2 die dtg jumpe aku. Aku rase aku ade cite dlm blog nieh. Bile tah. Byk die cakap ngan aku mase tuh. Tah hape2 tah. Aku dgn beraninye tanye die mase tuh:

Aku: Have u replaced me?
Dia: Boleh ke Sha? (lepas tuh die pandang muke aku….and....erghhh…I hated it when there was no sense of lies…it made him looked innocent!)
Aku: Alaaa...boleh je kan. U dun have to ask me...do as u wish.
Dia: Bukan senang nak replace u tau, Sha...
Aku: Tapi mesti dah ade kan…
Dia: Tell me, how am I supposed to replace you? (die senyum)
Aku: U know the answer. C’mon laaaa..a guy like u…
Dia: U dunno what I went through, k…

Yup…I dunno what he went through. Nobody knows. Bile die ilang, sume org ingat jawapan tuh ade kat aku. Fact is, aku tak tau…Aku sendiri clueless macam org len. And from the day he went missing….I’m missing him more and more everyday…

I’m goin’ nuts. Not making sense at all. Posting ape nieh?

4 comments:

zariel said...

sha sha....kena mandi bunga nih...huhuhu

cHeRyNa PiReS said...

mandi bunga leh tukar pape ke zariel...waaa...macam cite fenomena plak rasenye...hehehe...

Adry said...

amboi... mandi bunga... hahaha... don't worry.... i'm sure you'll find someone someday... when?? Doa la bebanyak supaya cepat sampai...

cHeRyNa PiReS said...

stakat nieh comfortable single lagik...will only find a replacement when i find sumone better than the previous one...:D