Monday, August 31, 2009

#10 ramadhan diary 09: flavours of malaysia

, originally uploaded by myra m..

While I was typing my blog at 06:31pm, I was envying Denise Keller. I was watching Passage to Malaysia for the second time after last night, and I think I'll be watching it again:)

I didn't know whether there is a co-incidence that there were several Merdeka programs through every channel, but I was loving it. In contrast to years when we were wattching Bollywood programs during Merdeka Day, I was satisfied. Especially when Astro presents 150 programs under NEGARAKU. Though it was my deepest regret that I didn't have the learning channels to watch discovery, but channel 707 (Discovery Travel and Living) was already enough for me. Whoever inspired the Flavours of Malaysia was truly a genius. Tourism Malaysia was doing something right and they deserved a compliment.

I watched the programs from Planet Food, Bourdain's program in Malaysia, Globe Tracker, Lonely Planet Six Degrees and other programs concerning Malaysia. Each program was making me happy. The feeling was like falling in love.

I acknowledged that at least 3 programs which were showing kuih as one of Melaysian specialties . Food Safari for example, was showing a kuih eating place in Australia. It has inspired me a lot. A simple dish has been brought to the other part of the world.

I'm a very poetic person at heart but I can't express my feelings right now. I'm truly amaze with my own country and I'm extremely proud. The taste of Merdeka is so sweet, like a kuih:)

Happy Merdeka everyone.

* the school will re-open tommorrow...Cikgu Sha is so lazy....beat her!

Sunday, August 30, 2009

#9 ramadhan diary 09: pizza my heart

I need to take care of my eyes and my sight. It's fasting month~!

I came to work at The Coffee Shop on Friday and I was asked to be the cashier. It was my first experience ever and I was very...very...very...nervous about it. I mean, I was a receptionist, a banker, a teacher, a clerk, a whatever but I was never a cashier except for one school holiday where I was helping my Mak Long at her restaurant. Or when I was helping my ayah at our shop. But a high tech coffee shop? Never. I never held any cash register in MY ENTIRE LIFE.

The time was approaching 7pm when a guy with a white Polo T-Shirt, blue jeans and nice watch came and approach the counter.

Me: Hello sir. Welcome to ***
Guy: (nod)
Me: How may I help you?
Guy: Blueberry muffin...and that one...(he pointed at the pastry)
Me: Sure! Would you like any drink for your pastries? Perhaps, our latest....
Guy: (nod)
Me: Okay...the amount will be...
Guy: (he took out his wallet...and showed me an RM50 note)
Me: The balance will be....(I stumbled! the register did not show the balance!)
Guy: (he smiled)
Me: Sorry sir, I think I've printed you receipts wrongly. But the balance is RM18.10.
Guy: Kira manual?
Me: Haah...(I smiled)
Guy: Baru kerja ke?
Me: Ya. Encik ni customer ke-2 saya sebagai cashier hari ni.
Guy: Takpe girl. At least you start somewhere.
Me: Thanks.
Guy: Selamat berbuka.
Me: Selamat berbuka.

Adoiiiiii!!! I might have forgotten that the cute smile, the macho look and the style was not supposed to blind me! I was working and I was fasting! What the hell was happening?

Huuuu...the next day I watched this story called Pizza My Heart at Hallmark. Hmmm...the hero reminded me of my customer.

If only....

Shut up Sha...Gedik is totally out of question right now!

Saturday, August 29, 2009

#8 ramadhan diary 09: jom injection!

Color syringes
Originally uploaded by Fotonn
I haven't heard from this particular friend of mine for quite sometime. It has been a week since the last time he sms me and we're no longer acknowledging each other at work. It's not so surprising, considering he just got married last year. He will need some adjustments this Ramadhan.

Who would've expected this married man will send messages to me anymore? I mean, he is married. His reputation was not great, but for me he was a great friend. He helped me several times when the person who was supposed to helped me was not. I had stopped smsing him to eliminate the risk of jealousy/gossips. There is one bitter thing about being a single woman - people will misinterpret WHATEVER you're doing. In my friend's case over here, I was actually letting him go, considering we were not in the same club. He then insisted that the friendship should continue:)

I went online after sahur - checked out on flickr and tried to bloghop (which I haven't done in months!) when suddenly I saw my handphone blipping.

Assalamualaikum Sha! - sent by FRIEND 06:47 am.

I smiled. Not because a married man had sms me, but because he was my friend. He teased me about boyfriends (he is still figuring out my status...ahahaha..) and I teased him about making Ramadhan baby. I was so happy that he was happy:)

Oh yeah...I went or a typhoid injection (again!) yesterday. I hate syringes! Adoiiii...!I went to meet the doctor considering that my last typhoid injection was suposed to expire in one more year. But the doctor suprised me by telling me that there was no record from the milk factory about the date I had my last injection. That was very funny considering that someone had told me that her work was PERFECT. Yeah...right:P

We discussed from the medical perspective about taking another jab.The doctor said okay and he recommended that. It was better that way, considering that I knew the department which was dealing with my records in the milk factory. I don't really mind the delay (because it was in the culture, I guess) but I do mind about the busy-body part. I can assure you, they were ENTHUSIASTIC in minding other people's business even after they resigned.I was there when they did that to others and I know I'll be the next topic if I ever talk to them again. So much for the HUMANISM:)

I checked on my facebook's inbox...for some reason I can't reply lots of messages I have received from my college mates and schoolmates! There was one message which I really liked though. It was a message from my crush in college who said hi and asked for my well being. He just got a baby boy in June! So, another message from a married man:p

Blip..blip...another message. It was from my blogger friend who told me about how bad his day was...kesiannye! For record, this person was also married.

I know my own limitations and I am well educated and raised properly by my parents. If you got to know me, you will know that I am not more than just a friend to everyone...

To the ones who were making assumptions and loved spreading the gossips about ME, I have a suggestion:

Please take the OPENNESS and PROXIMITY jabs from your doctor:)

* going to berbuka in The Coffee Shop again today...

Friday, August 28, 2009

#7 ramadhan diary 09: cinta tiga segi

Originally uploaded by Karan V
My ibu is so obsessed with Nur Kasih until I had to watch Nur Kasih with her every Friday night. I used to reach home late when I was working with the milk factory but for the past 3 weeks I have been at home so she started to call me at 9pm every Friday.

I grumbled - not because I didn't want to watch the sequel with my lonely ibu but because I don't like typical romance and for me Nur Kasih is typical.

But for the sake of ibu, I watched it. I couldn't stand the plead. I couldn't stand the character Sarah as well. But I kept on watching...

"kita lambat berjumpa
kau tlah berdua
ku tak berdaya
mungkin kau tak peduli
aku di sini
terluka hati"

- Segitiga by Cokelat

I can't remember when did I start enjoying this song by Cokelat. My crowded mind is saying during my final year (that'll be 2005) but I remember listening to this song for quite sometime. I don't have the song in my playlist but I will occassionally check on the video through YouTube. Checking the release date will not going to give me an accurate answer, considering this song is from Indonesia - sometimes it has been released early but we only get to hear the song after 1-2 years.

My English is not that good to remember the term of "Cinta Tiga Segi" (anyone can help me on this? Is it Triangle Love? -direct translation!). What can I say is that this kind of relationship will involve 3 parties; 2 persons to one person. For example, 2 girlfriends to one boyfriend or 2 boyfriends to one girlfriend (just taking the normal example, of course)

I have never experienced Cinta Tiga Segi myself, but I knew the people who did. Some were happy and some suffered.

Ibu keep on talking about the Cinta Tiga Segi between Adam, Katrina and Nur. I didn't mean to be rude but I expressed my personal opinion towards the scenario. I told ibu the Cinta Tiga Segi between them was not my interest. I am more interested in Aidil's case, because he is the only genuine person I could see in the drama. Luckily, ibu agreed.

It looks like I'm into the sequel myself when I'm watching it. Believe me, if I have the chance to change the channel, I would. I love Kabir Bhatia's art but I don't like this typical romance he is showing right now. I still prefer his films.

A girl can say anything, but ibu's pleading look was stopping me from switching channels. At least we have an activity and something to talk about.

Tonight, I'm not watching because I'm at The Coffee Shop. I'm wondering what she will tell me when I get home:)

* I want to eat samosa but I can't find any....sob...sob...

Thursday, August 27, 2009

#6 ramadhan diary 09: mango

Originally uploaded by f_msantos
I felt like kissing the rain yesterday. After several days of fasting, I just couldn't take the heat anymore. It has been days since I tasted rain on my lips.

Suddenly I realised that I couldn't kiss the rain. I was fasting. When the rain started to fall yesterday, I started to make outrageous plans in my head. I wanted to go outside and let the rain pour on on my head. I wanted to utilise my newly purchase shampoo and shower gel with the rain water. I couldn't do it yesterday. I was fasting. (I'm repeating myself, right?)

So today I'm going to be determine to find something sweet,nice, juicy and suitable for the weather. I want to buy mangoes and strawberries. I heard Nigella Lawson said that fruits are good during summer. It's not summer over here but it's too heaty and the sun is making me exhausted:(

The aunty in the market was promoting cherries to me the other day. I'm stil thinking about my budget. Though cherries are where the name cheryna came from, it's costly (same goes to cheryna!) Mangoes will be nice, because it's not too costly and it is definitely sweet.

I saw huge mangoes which cost RM14.99 per kg in Giant on Tuesday. But the mangoes have no scent. I'm now imagining sweet scented ripe mangoes, with coconut milk and sliced onions and chillies. Yummy!


" Mango is rich in a variety of phytochemicals and nutrients that qualify it as a model "superfruit", a term used to highlight potential health value of certain edible fruits. The fruit is high in prebiotic dietary fiber, vitamin C, polyphenols and provitamin A carotenoids.[12]

Mango contains essential vitamins and dietary minerals. The antioxidant vitamins A, C and E comprise 25%, 76% and 9% of the Dietary Reference Intake (DRI) in a 165 g serving. Vitamin B6 (pyridoxine, 11% DRI), vitamin K (9% DRI), other B vitamins and essential nutrients such as potassium, copper and 17 amino acids are at good levels. Mango peel and pulp contain other phytonutrients, such as the pigment antioxidants - carotenoids and polyphenols - and omega-3 and -6 polyunsaturated fatty acids."

Let's go for mango hunting!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

#5 ramadhan diary 09: haagen-dazs

spt 2.28.08., originally uploaded by niki </3.

Smart opinions are hard to find...

Last fortnight, we went to Midvalley to watch 2 movies - The Proposal and Setem. We planned to watch The Proposal since it was not showing in any cinemas in Seremban. Then something hit our heads - Adik will be sitting for his SPM trial and I will definitely be busy with my 2 jobs schedule. So, we have decided to use the money for back-to-back since there is no chance for movies for weeks ahead.

Since we travelled all the way from Seremban, we also kept some of our money on food and decided to go for something which was not available in Seremban. We went to Carl Jr. without any experience of eating at that place! Thankfully, we had no regret since we enjoyed our Portobello Mushroom Burger tremendously. (I think we will come again!)

To our surprise, we received a refund of the money spent on The Proposal because of the mistake GSC did to the last part of the movie. So, we had some money left and we decided to have ice-cream!

We went to haagen-dazs - not because Baskin Robbins was not good but we had to savour the moment with something different. A memory crept in my mind about the last time I sat there - it was my third date with the man I loved.

The vivid memory of the man appeared in my mind as I nibbled on my Strawberry Cheesecake Ice-Cream. He ordered this summer strawberry set for me because he said I looked like someone who liked strawberries. He was definite about that. I remember the talk about love, life, interest, fantasy and love while scooping the strawberries. I recalled the interest I put in each words used by the man and the way I was scanning the intelligence. I remember my replies, the amusement, the amazement...

He was brilliant. Someone I wanted to be. But something happened in the middle. Somehow the concentration was no longer available.

"Kakak...dah malam. Jom balik!" Adik called me.

I smiled. I realised that intelligence was what I was looking for when I was 23. Am I still seeking for the same element when I'm 27? I don't know. Perhaps.

It was not because of the price of the ice-cream after all:)

Note for Ramadhan:
Ayah, ibu, Atan and I went to buka puasa in mamak yesterday. I was in the mood to drink jumbo mango juice! Then we went for grocery shopping because there is nothing left at home for next days. Atan was coaxing me to buy a *pint (edited: thanks to Q) of Haagen Dazs ice-cream which I eventually declined. We settled for Kit Kat Bite Ice Cream instead. No Belgian Chocolate...

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

#4 ramadhan diary 09: garlic chives

Garlic chives, originally uploaded by NannaX3.

The day has already started badly when I woke up for sahur. Aston Villa was crushing Liverpool with 3 goals to 1 at Anfield! Adoiii...Torres got a shiner, Carragher was wearing a "head gear" and Voronin was playing. I was glad that Lucas didn't play the full game, otherwise I'll be in tantrum the whole day (this is a fasting month and that's not good).

But it's alright. A good fan will never give up. A good fan will keep on supporting her favourite team regardless how many goals scored in Anfield. I will never stop supporting my team. You'll never walk alone, Liverpool FC!:)


Garlic chives (simplified Chinese: ; traditional Chinese: ; pinyin: jiǔcài, also 韮菜) are also known as Chinese chives, Chinese leek, ku chai, jiu cai, Oriental garlic chives or, in Japanese, nira (kanji: ; hiragana: にら; katakana: ニラ); in Korea known as buchu (부추), sol (솔), or jeongguji (정구지) or in Vietnamese, hẹ ([hɛ̂ˀ]; chu Nom: ��). The plant has a distinctive growth habit with strap-shaped leaves[1] unlike either onion or garlic, and straight thin white-flowering stalks that are much taller than the leaves. It grows in slowly expanding perennial clumps, but also readily sprouts from seed. Besides its use as vegetable, it also has attractive flowers.

Garlic chives. If it's not because of the blog I will still called it "sayur". I wouldn't know the English name at all. It's good that we have wikipedia these days - I can't tell how convinient it is for me to refer about so many other things. If it is not because of wikipedia, I might have stopped blogging.

Based on the details I read in wikipedia, garlic chives are mostly available in Chinese/Japanese/Korean dish. I believe this is true as I never saw garlic chives in Malay market/dish. But there's no harm in trying right?

I accidently saw garlic chives when an Apek (chinese man) told me garlic chives are good for blood cleansing. After undergoing a surgery which cause me 2 months of sick leave, I was intrested in the benefit. I bought a bunch of garlic chives from the Apek and asked on how to cook it. The Apek told me to stir fry it with prawns/beef.

I searched for the recipe in the internet but I only found a few. I mean, this is not a very popular vegetable. Some might dislike the overpowering taste and smell of garlic. But that's the reason why I like it.

So, here's the recipe for the dish I cooked for buka puasa yesterday:

Stir-Fry Garlic Chives with Prawn


1 bunch of garlic chives (cut into 4-5cm strips)
(available in chinese market/supermarket)
A carrot (cut into thin strips - almost the same length with the garlic chives for the same cooking time)
5 dried Shitake mushrooms (soaked in warm water and sliced)
7 medium-size prawns (clean with the tail intact)
3 cloves of garlic (chopped)
2cm of young ginger (chopped)
4 tablespoon of vegetable oil
2 tablespoon of oyster sauce
1 tablespoon of soy sauce
1 teaspoon of corn flour
1/4 cup of plain water


1. Prepare a hot wok with vegetable oil.
2. Stir-fry garlics and ginger.
3. When you can smell the aroma, stir fry the prawn with garlics and ginger.
4. When the prawn is almost cooked, stir fry the garlic chives, Shitake Mushrooms and carrots together.
4. At the same time, mix the corn flour, oyster sauce and soy sauce in plain water.
5. Pour the flour and sauce mixture into the wok.
6. Wait for 1-2 minutes for the sauce to be thicken before serving the vegetables with rice.

Simple and easy.

Today will be a bit hectic. I'm planning to go out to get my EPF statement. I'm missing someone and he is not calling me this yesterday afternoon and this morning. Hmmmm...must be busy then. I have to be patient because this person has been very patient when I was busy:)

* Garlic chives in the picture are the blooming garlic chives. Refer wikipedia for more pictures and info.

Monday, August 24, 2009

#3 ramadhan diary 09: pomegranate

Originally uploaded by rossstudio

The pomegranate (Punica granatum) is a fruit-bearing deciduous shrub or small tree growing to between five and eight meters tall. The pomegranate is native to Southwest Asia and has been cultivated in the Caucasus since ancient times. It is widely cultivated throughout Afghanistan, Algeria, Armenia, Azerbaijan, Israel, Iran, Iraq, India, Pakistan, Syria, Turkey, the drier parts of southeast Asia, Peninsular Malaysia, the East Indies, and tropical Africa.[1] Introduced into Latin America and California by Spanish settlers in 1769, pomegranate is now cultivated in parts of California and Arizona for juice production.[2]

I'm getting 4 off days from The Coffee Shop due to fasting month but I'll be working until 12am this weekend. There are only few customers and since I'm doing part time, it is not a priority for the job to be given to me. However, I'm glad to take this opportunity to rest - something I have not been doing for the last 4 years:)

I guess I was too busy following the flow - one must graduate then climb the career ladder, then if you work in private sector during recession, please expect for the worse since your bosses will go for the fame and popularity and will treat you like a dog to make sure they will remain on board:)

I have no regret of whatever happened in my life recently. I know I have the support of my parents who were sacrificing throughout my time in the milk company - when they sent me for interviews, when ibu helped to choose my clothes to work, when they were only seeing me in the morning before I go to work, when they were concealing their disappointment for I couldn't join the family events, or when I disregarded the football matches to check on that stupid overtime because I brought my office work home...

I guess I should marry that guy in The Proposal - he will definitely understand how I felt about it (but I won't marry the disgusting boss, of course!) Or perhaps I should be the best friend of the girl in Devil Wears Prada (yeah..because I had to buy that Mr. Bean's CD without my first salary in my pocket!). But then again Glenn Close in Devil Wears Prada was intelligent and my mentor in the milk company was not....ahahahaha...

Today, I'm celebrating myself. I'm resting and writing. I didn't know I have so many things to tell:)

I had the best sahur this morning - Mushroom Omelet and Warm Rice (this is the type of food I like!) and pomegranate. I couldn't help thinking about my grandparents this Ramadhan (because Ramadhan was the time they indulged me). So, when I went to the market yesterday, I closed my eyes and buy a pomegranate which cost RM5! I recalled the times when nenek was peeling the pomegranates for me and forced me to eat it after eating rice during sahur. (I used to hate it!)

The Chinese lady who were selling the pomegranate told me to boil the pomegranate skin to cure gastric. I never told that lady that ibu has gastric, but I guess I should just try.

If my grandparents are still alive, I might be eating the pomegranates planted in their garden with nenek peeling the pomegranates for me after serving me with omelet and rice. Atuk will definitely rush me to perform the Subuh prayers afterward. But things are different now. I'm peeling the pomegranate for their daughter who is also my mother...

They have different views on how life should be. I know I'm missing these views.If they are still alive, my direction might be different. The flashes of my last conversation with Atuk before he passed away is now haunting me. He was concerned. I know I should be concerned too.

That's the reason why I keep on going...
Red for courage!
Just like a pomegranate...ehehehe...

Sunday, August 23, 2009

#2 ramadhan diary 09:flatfish

Flatfish, originally uploaded by Stenlund.


The flatfish are an order (Pleuronectiformes) of ray-finned fish, also called the Heterosomata, sometimes classified as a suborder of Perciformes. The name means "side-swimmers" in Greek. In many species both eyes lie on one side of the head, one or the other migrating through and around the head during development. Some species face their "left" side upward, some face their "right" side upward, and others face either side upward.

I was tempted to cook Steamed Fish for quite sometime. But it must not be any fish - not pomfret, not grouper, not even the regular sea bass. It must be the flatfish! Thanks to Kylie Kwong's cooking show, I had to forget my budget for a while:)

I went to the Pasar Besar Seremban to buy the ingredients. My plan was to prepare steamboat for the family because all my brothers were at home. However, when I came to think about the prices and the budgets,I have decided to share the cost with my brother once we'll get our pay:)

The market was crowded with people, but it was not as crowded as I expected. Perhaps the recent H1N1 case was keeping everyone at home (not me, of course because I need to keep on going, no choice!). The prices were high for meat and chicken and I was lucky that I was in the mood of finding sea creatures:)

It was not difficult to find the ingredients. I managed to find everything within 30 minutes. I believed this was the reason why I was so in love with Seremban - multiracial,easy and simple.

I seriously didn't know the origin of this recipe (ibu said it came from my aunt!) but this was how I did it:


1 flatfish (medium size)
5cm ginger
7 cloves of garlic
Black pepper as preferred
3 tablespoon of oyster Sauce
1 tablespoon of dark Soy Sauce
2 tablespoon of soy Sauce
Spring Onions (cut into 3-4cm strips)
a carrot (cut into strips)
Dried Shitake Mushrooms (sliced)

1. Clean the flatfish
2. Pound some of the ginger (approximately 1 cm) and 3 gloves of garlic in the mortar & pestle.
3. Rub the pounded ginger and garlic to the fish.
4. Rub the dark soy sauce, oyster sauce and soy sauce to the fish. Marinate.
5. Arrange the fish in the steamer along with carrots, mushrooms and the white part of spring onions.
6. Steam the fish until it is cooked.
7. Slice the ginger and chop the remaining garlics.
8. Prepare hot oil in the wok to fry the ginger and the garlic.
9. Once you can smell the aroma of the garlic and ginger and both ingredients turn into golden colour, pour the content of the wok on top of the steam fish. Sprinkle with green strips of spring onion.

* I love my green strips to be fresh as I love the crunch! But there is also an option to cook it along with the fish.


I served the steamed flatfish along with other dishes: Gulai Ketam dengan Nanas (care: aI'm using the Bahasa Melayu as it is a Malaysian dish! Nobody translated Fettucine Carbonara by the way), Broccoli and Carrots with Prawn & Mushroom Sauce and Yong Chow Fried Rice. I knew my brothers will eat this (even if they are canivorous!) Oh...don't forget the freshly made cincaluk. It's a must:)

I think I need to brush up my culinary skills! Ever since I worked for that milk company, I didn't even have time for myself (which in the end has not been appreciated, of course).

Shahmi bought tepung pelita and watermelon juice! Yeay! Perfect desert:)

* flatfish = ikan sebelah/ikan sisa nabi.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

ramadhan diary 09: hot chocolate

Happy Valentine's Day
Originally uploaded by photo kitten

Hot chocolate (also known as hot cocoa, drinking chocolate, or just cocoa) is a heated beverage that typically consists of shaved chocolate or cocoa powder, heated milk or water, and sugar. While hot chocolate is generally thought of as a drink consumed for pleasure, recent studies have suggested that hot chocolate possesses health benefits due to antioxidants that can be found in cocoa. Until the 19th century, hot chocolate was even used medicinally to treat ailments such as stomach diseases.

My first day of Ramadhan started sleepily. Yesterday was hectic - I received a big bulk of Math SPM trial papers which needs marking during this school holiday. I have the lesson plan to prepare, topic of Trigonometry to finish and attendance record to be filed.

2 hours later, I was in the coffee shop - where I have been assigned as barista of the day. Damn, there were too many customers and I accidentally prepared some wrong orders....adoi~!

The moment I reached home, I was too exhausted to open my eyes. I slept earlier than I expected. I didn't even shut down the laptop:(

Ibu woke me up exactly at 4am for sahur - it was very hard to open my eyes! I ate quickly and doze off after Subuh. Fortunately I am scheduled to work in the afternoon today.

There were only few customers during my shift. Today I met Danny, one of the regular customers who is an architect. He showed me pictures of him traveling all over the world. Though I couldn't helped drooling over the pictures, he told me about something I'll never forget: his hard work.

Looking at Danny's pictures made me inspired. But I just couldn't wait to go home when the clock was showing 6pm. So I left Danny with his laptop.

After talking to Danny, I had then asked one of my seniors to teach me how to prepare Tall Hazelnut Signature Hot Chocolate. I was not great in preparing it but I couldn't wait to bring it home.

The moment I reached home, I presented the hot chocolate to ayah. I rarely prepared drinks for him (because of the diabetes!) but today is an exception.

With nasi kerabu and home-cooked food, I was smiling when I saw the last drip of the hot chocolate, drank by ayah in front of me. The first ever Ramadhan's first day celebrated with my family since I graduated. Alhamdulillah!

Friday, August 21, 2009

sha: i am sam

I watched this film last week with my parents. I never knew Sean Penn until ibu was saying,
"Let's watch Sean Penn!" I mean,from the looks of him I knew he is an actor, I have seen him in other movies but I never knew his name (call me pathetic but I'm bad in knowing actors' name!) Thanks to my updated ibu, now I know that he is Sean Penn:)

I started concentrating on the movie as soon as I saw Dakota Fanning. I have this tendency of liking a film which has sweet kids especially the talented ones:)

I did not cry at all. I did not sniff. But I felt something. I felt like accepting.

I met several girls who can't accept things as it is recently:

Girls who are blaming their parents for not making them beautiful because they say the parents are not beautiful to create beautiful babies. They are blaming their parents for not giving them ample of time and more space for what they called as "freedom".

They blame an ustazah for teaching them solat and for scolding them when they are not correctly pronouncing the words in doa.

They blame the boys for not noticing them when they laugh so loud until they lost their feminine appeal.

They blame their friends for "stealing" boyfriends when the "boyfriend" never even liked them.

Alhamdulillah...though life has not been a land of chocolate factory for me, I am still here...alive and not blaming anyone.

If the girl in the movie can accept her retarded father (which is hard),it must be much easier for me to accept things as it is?


* I feel like Sam today...adeh...this barista made lots of mistake today!~

Thursday, August 20, 2009

sha: twinge of sadness

Originally uploaded by adriana delphino

"Sadness is an emotion characterized by feelings of disadvantage, loss, and helplessness. When sad, people often become quiet, less energetic, and withdrawn.

Sad is the opposite of happy. its similar to the emotions of sorrow,grief,misery,and melancholy. The philosopher Baruch Spinoza defined sadness as the transfer of a person from a large perfection to a smaller one."

I called my best friend yesterday. He said he was eating in Kajang. He was working in Putrajaya. I assumed, either the food was nice in Kajang or he was meeting someone in Kajang.

While I was talking to him, I had this twinge of sadness in me. How could I forget the crucial part when I was calling him. Kan? He might be with his girlfriend!

We quarelled about this so many times. But I am still unable to shake off the dislike that I have towards his girlfriend. I have to, but I can't.

The girlfriend told my best friend that she was afraid of the situation where my best friend would eventually have feelings for me. I found that was totally ridiculous and absurd! We knew each others for years and if we liked each other, we would've taken the advantages years ago!

And since she was feeling that way, I have not met my best friend for more than a year. They will get married next year, so it means that I can no longer meet my own best friend. (planning not to go to the wedding...I'm hurt!)

I'm not naive when it comes to relationship. For record, I have boyfriends too (ek eleh...ingat dia sorang ada boipren ke?). This jealousy is normal but I never refrained my boyfriends from meeting their friends, especially best friends regardless whether the person is male/female!

I said 'bye' to him immediately after I knew he was not at home. I didn't want to take the risk. It hurts - because we're not having the conversation like we used to have. The fact that Rooney has improved so much and Berbatov is now running instead of walking will not going to be delivered to him. The truth that I will never ever support MU though Owen is playing will not going to be told. The joke of how I hate to see Voronin in Liverpool's side will never be discussed.

I am missing my best friend. But I have to sacrifice for someone I don't really like. She is stealing my best friend from me! Huwaaaaaaaaaaaa...(been holding this for a year now!)

This twinge of sadness is effecting my mood to watch Football Focus....

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

sha: the climb

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

The doubts will always be there. Especially after being condemned and twisted. But I'm not going to let these doubts overpowering me this time. Will not going to let someone says, "Ini bukan bidang engkau." Because that someone never knew me, was trying to demolish me. But this time, I will follow my heart...and I will reach my goal. No doubt~!

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

Used to be lost because I was ask to do one thing and then another thing which eventually for someone's favour and not mine. I was being an object for vengeance but not this time...I will not going to lose my ground.

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Phoenix rises from the ashes and I believe I will rise. I am a failure if I fail everywhere. But I only lost one battle and I'm not going to lose again:)

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

I will wait for the right time to rise. I don't care what other people are going to say. But I will certainly not going to sit at one place for 7 years to accomplish my target. I will not going to be content having the same thing everyday.

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I'll take the train, if it requires me. I'll climb the stairs, if it is a must. Once I'm down, I'm not going to walk again. I will run this time. I will!!!!

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

I will remember everyone's support. I'll remember the sweat. I'll remember the jest...I'll remember and insya-Allah...I'll let HIM guide me...

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

It's time to go, Sha! A delicious, appropriate and PLANNED training is waiting for u today~! It's the chance.

* Thanks Shahmi for putting this Miley Cyrus song in the play u bro!

Monday, August 17, 2009

sha: fatigue

Originally uploaded by Miema

"Fatigue (also called exhaustion, lethargy, languidness, languor, listlessness) is a state of awareness..."

"Physical fatigue is an inability to continue functioning at the level of one's normal abilities."

"Mental fatigue, on the on the other hand, rather manifests on somnolence."

Sha is saying:

I am physically fatigue because I'm rushing to both workplace.
7:30 am - 3:50pm: School
5:30pm - 10:30pm: Coffee Shop.

But I am not mentally fatigue as I used to be. I'm loving what I'm doing even though my job position is not an executive:)


Because I have the best training EVER.
Not like before.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

sha: pillow talk

my "room seven" bed, originally uploaded by *Püppilottchen*.


"...It also can consist of two or more friends talking late at night. The "pillow talking" generally takes place at night and involves talk of romantic interests. The friends do not have to be in the same bed, although this does happen occasionally..."

There used to be a program called "Pillow Talk" at NTV7. I only watched this program once, because I didn't have time to watch the other series. It was not a big loss, though because I didn't enjoy the show that much:)

When I was small, I used to have my pillow talk during school holidays with my cousins. We'll share stories from all our schools, talk about music and how much we loved boy bands and stuff. Nenek used to scold us because we giggled threw pillows. We thought she was not listening but she did. Despite the scolding, she was actually enjoying the time swe were discussing things. We knew she was eavesdropping! Now that Ramadhan is coming, I am missing the pillow talking activities. Shasha is in down under and Nenek is no longer with us...

When I was a teenager, I used to spend my nights "pillow talking" with my friends because your friends are family in school. It was not difficult if you're staying in boarding school. because you only have your friends around. Push the beds together, bring your pillows and whisper. Discuss your romantic interest and your fantasies with friends - "I think this is not cute, you're supposed to do this...", "Have u seen this guy..." - your friends knew more. Mummies were not supposed to know what were you discussing. Mummies were not supposed to know about you love letters:)

When I was a college student, I spent nights and nights talking about a guy I used to admire. About his pony tail and his big bike. About his one-time "Hi Sha!" in English class. But this pillow talking stopped after I met my college boyfriend. Sadly, I never done any pillow talking about my own boyfriend. Why? I am still figuring that out. I spent my nights pillow talking about my friends' boyfriends instead of mine. We cooked some maggie, spread our comforters and done pillow talking until dawn:)

When I was a fresh grad and staying with friends, the pillow talking was becoming lesser. We had pillow talks during weekends because we compiled the stories of the week. But the conversation was becoming more serious. The romantic interest was more into wedding plans:)

I am turning 27 and my pillow talk is now with my best friend, ibu. We will talk about the people I like but not love. Hahaha. Ibu is very sporting - though she is rejecting the idea of me being single for life. But guess what? I am enjoying this pillow talking with my mother than any other pillow talking I've ever had!

There is another meaning of pillow talk but I'm too shy to put it in here (hihihi). Check on wikipedia - pillow talk. I guess that I can never get this type of pillow talk. But who knows? :p

Does talking about romantic interest through the phone at night counts?


Saturday, August 15, 2009

sha in love: jealousy

another wig
Originally uploaded by Fuá

Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a relationship, friendship, or love. Jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust. Jealousy differs from envy in that jealousy is about something one has and is afraid of losing, while envy refers to something one does not have and either wants to acquire or to prevent another from acquiring.

Sha is thinking:

Being jealous over someone that your partner has (i.e. another girlfriend/boyfriend) is definitely NORMAL. How about being jealous but the person is not your partner?

Say, you have a crush on someone. That someone is having another girlfriend. And you're jealous.

Is that normal?


Friday, August 14, 2009

sha: happy birthday nurul aimi!

Hello Kitty Birthday Cake, originally uploaded by Bakerella.

Dear Aimi,

It has been almost a year since the first time I saw you in your dark uniform. Your were not smiling and you were such a serious girl. I still remember your "uh-huh", yes and no to each questions I asked you.

I do not remember how it started. But I remember your sincerity and your openness when you were talking to me the first time we really "talked". Things happened for reason. The moment we thought that we were stuck in a situation where no one could help us, there was a comfort in having such a wonderful friend.

You were there during the hard moments in life, you defended and stood by me even when you knew it was risky. You were there for me even when I didn't have to ask for it.

And for that my dear sweet sister, I will always remember you. I will always love you and miss you.

We are busy with our lives now. We haven't seen each other seen each other since you sent my to my doorstep 3 weeks ago. Even so, I still remember your birthday today:)

I wish you happiness. May Allah bless u...

Happy Birthday, my sweet!

---Kak Sha---

Thursday, August 13, 2009

sha: a barista


" In English, barista is a name applied to a person, usually a coffeehouse employee, who prepares and serves espresso-based coffee drinks.

Often, among coffee enthusiasts, the term is reserved for one who has acquired some level of expertise or particular skill in the preparation of such drinks.

The word barista is of Italian origin, and in Italian, a barista is a male or female "bartender", who typically works behind a counter, serving both hot drinks (such as espresso), and cold alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages, not a coffee-maker specifically."

Sha, a barista....Alhamdulillah, rezeki...2 jobs in one day could not be any better....:)

Coffee anyone?

Sunday, August 09, 2009

sha in love: missing someone

" Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed..."

I dreamed of reading a book of orchids and walked barefoot from one house to another to find the same type of orchid I saw in the book. There was one house which had the orchid and I went into the house. Then I saw him smiling at me with a stem of the orchid. He was holding the orchid to me before a lady came and stood beside him...

" You said move on
Where do I go
I guess second best
Is all I will know...."

After seeing that lady beside him, I left the house with the orchid while he stood in front of the house and looked at me without saying any word...

"Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes..."

I woke up and saw a message in my phone - sent by my best friend. And I couldn't help feeling sad and gloomy. I wished the message was from the man in my dreams....

"You're like an Indian summer
In the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I've had the best
You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test..."

I kept on replying the messages and was happy that someone remember me. But I have the hallow feeling inside, knowing that I am digging my own grave because I'm thinking of someone else...

"He kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself..."

Should I follow my ego and start it first? Or should I just let it go and move on? I planned to move on but it seems very hard at this moment...huwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....~~!!!

" You're the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go
Now the lesson's learned
I touched it I was burned
Oh I think you should know..."

Burned. Like a spoiled scramble eggs. (we had fond memories of eggs!) Now I know the feeling of missing hurts!

Thursday, August 06, 2009

sha in love: dead smart

I was bringing Adik to watch Harry Potter recently (I don't want to comment on the movie). I desperately wanted to eat KFC's jelly ice cream until I was willing to que in the trainee's line! The Indian boy was damn slow, but I was waiting patiently until I thought my ears were fuming with gas:P

Adik wanted a set of MCValue, so we agreed to meet at McD for the lunch and I'll take our desserts from KFC over to McD. After having some anger management and so on, I proudly presented Adik with the desserts. I sat down, satisfying my need for jelly ice cream when he asked me this question about boyfriend.

I always turn the table around when he is asking these kind of questions so I asked him:

"Nak abang ipar macam mana?"

With fries full in his mouth, he replied,
"Yang pandai."

I don't know whether u experience the moment of silence in you life. U always know what to say, how to answer and how to tackle a situation but one day u got lost over a simple statement. And that was what happened to me on that day.

This form 5 student in front of me have made up his mind, I know. From the looks of it, he wanted me to think. Question is, how smart?

" Kalau dia tak brapa pandai, tapi baik...macam mana?" I asked the question tactfully.

He simply replied, "Taknak."

" Taknak yang macam mana?" I started to dig...

" Mamat kilang. Taknak." and I laughed loudly until the girls who giggled loudly at the next table just now stopped giggling.

Of course, being a young teenager, I don't know whether he realised that there are lots of positions in a factory and not just operators. But I have to respect my own brother's opinion kan?

" Kakak tengok nanti...kalau Adik dapat minah kilang, kakak tonyoh2 minah tuh..." I smiled.

" Kalau kakak dapat mamat kilang, siaplah mamat tu kena belasah. Adik ajak yang lain (his brothers) sekali." He smiled.

" Sebab mamat kilang suka modified kereta?" I cheekily asked him. He frowned deeply. I managed to tease him, I know.

Question is how smart is smart? A guy with phD or degree? When he is driving a Lancer? If he is driving a Wira-perasan-Lancer, is he consider as not smart?

Does a guy needs to have a business card to call himself smart? Tak jugak kan...most guys I met with business cards are not smart. They just know how to TALK BIG. And I don't want to keep rubbish in my bed:)

I reserved most of my comments so it won't hurt my brothers' ears. But it keeps on bugging me.

Meet my former boyfriend who had a degree in IT (finally!). He didn't know what to do with me when another girl had a crush on him ---> pandai ke?

Meet my former boyfriend who excelled in everything but life. He made all the wrong choices which ended our relationship ---> pandai ke?

Meet the other snobs who think that they are smart but they don't really know what they are doing.

I will, of course...not going to tell my brother yet that I just want someone who appreciates life and works hard for it. It will just going to complicate things:)

Like in this ending of Dead Poet Society - a favourite movie of mine. I won't tell my brother how much I want my man to have courage rather than being just smart. I want the guy with "the real brain." If he is smart without a principle, is he still consider as smart kan?

In "my" moment of silence, I let him talk about how bad mamat kilang to me. Hehehehe...

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

sha: infidelity equals to curang

IMGP9420, originally uploaded by kirane☻milleliri.

Infidelity is a violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries of an intimate relationship, which constitutes a significant breach of faith or a betrayal of core shared values with which the integrity of the relationship is defined. In common use, it describes an act of unfaithfulness to one’s husband, wife, or lover, whether sexual or non-sexual in nature.

I have been asking questions like "how curang is curang?" or "is talking consider as curang?" or " who defines curang?"

My questions are not answered yet. Not until today. But I do wish that my questions will be answered one day:

1. If you don't have any formal relationship with someone, is talking to another person/going out with someonemakes u curang?

2. Does exchanging phone number consider as curang?

3. A man has a wife and a girlfriend. If the man is being happy with the girlfriend, then he is cheating his wife. Will the man consider as curang with the girlfriend when he is being happy with his wife? (another way around).

Tell me fellas, how do u consider curang?:)

* sha is having maggots in her head~! Hahahaha....

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

sha: pervert?

I finally managed to take my bath in silence after grumbled the whole hour about the que in the bathroom. Biasalah, dok hostel macam tulah. One girl who had a very long hair was in the shower for more than one hour. The other girl, who loved to wash her undies when she was in the bathroom would definitely spent more time with her undies. And don't forget the other girls who had to wash their sanitary pads before throwing it away. And girls will be girls. At that age u'll be wondering a lot so that's the reason why u have to check on so many things. We don't have to elaborate on that, shall we?

With my wet hair and squeaky clean skin, I climbed on my double deck. I was the only form 3 girl that year who was assigned to be in form 5's dormitary. That was the punishment I received after the headmistress caught me "flying" illegally from school. I was caught with other students, though. And I was not the only one who did that. Perhaps my parents were not rich enough to contribute few thousands to the school, or to present the headmistress with silk baju kurung or tudung. That's the reason why I have been punished and others were not. I care less bout that because rather than giving the headmistress the money, I would appreciate if my parents could spend on my growing brothers instead.

" I saw this cute guy from form 5M and he was checking my friend out. He was cute but I don't think what he did was appropriate and I think it makes him look ugly...." I was writing that down in my diary when I heard my seniors gasped in awe!


And I looked at them indifferently. Those seniors were really pathetic. They would screamed for no reason, got mad over something they should not and they were damn busy body! Plus, don't forget the prententious part.

One of my seniors slid down the floor. The others put their hands on their mouth...


" I knew he could tackled my friend differently. He just had to smile at her or something. Or write to her. He is cute and he is smart but I don't know which head he was using when he approached my friend just now...Was it his head or his other head?"

Somebody screamed from the form 1 level. I stopped writing and started to ask, "What's wrong?"

One of my kind seniors in the room showed me to the path outside the hostel (which was a few meter to us)

There he was, juggling with his 'thing'. He was grinning from ear to ear because the girls were screaming. Guess what? I had the best view of the 'thing' because we were on 1st floor and my bed was opposite him.

The girls couldn't stopped screaming and gasping. In my head, I was wondering whether it was a pleasurable screams or the pretentious screams as always. Podah laaa...

I looked at the guy. He was smiling at me. He proudly juggled with his "thing" in front of me. I didn't smile back. I just ignored him.

" Psssstt....pssst..." he hissed. He was trying to catch my attention.

I looked back at him. Then something triggered in my mind. I laughed like nobody's business and pointed my finger to his "thing".

I think he did not realised what I was doing. He kept on doing what he did but eventually he stopped when I couldn't stopped laughing. My friends, who realised what I was doing, laughed too (thanks to the same mentality).

The guy zipped his pants, climbed his bike and left. He got the message.

My seniors called me later that day. Blamed me for so many other things. Tortured my mind as always. But I kept my silence...

They didn't realise who chased that guy away. And why the guy left. They were being "innocent". As always...

Monday, August 03, 2009

sha: cinta dalam hati

Put A Little Love In YOUR Heart, originally uploaded by flipkeat.

Demam. So, takleh nak buat apa.Was waiting that someone to call me, hoping that I am emotionally cured. But I have to learn how to be understanding. Orang akan bz...lagi2 hari Isnin. So spending time on the phone is not a good thing,kan? Aku sendiri selalu, takkan tak boleh jadi memahami kan?

Checked on the laptop. Adik sangat suka lagu Indon, so dia akan download macam2 lagu. Lately kitowang mmg ada satu je yg kitowang minat: Pasha.

Pasha from Ungu (eh, ungu kan fav kaler aku?). Lately...sejak kuar lagu Terlanjur Cinta, aku lagi...dan lagi...minat ngan Pasha. Macam everyday tak dengar lagu Pasha macam tak sah la plak!

1st time dengar suara Pasha dalam lagu ni:
" Maafkan aku menduakan cintamu
Berat rasa hatiku tinggalkan dirinya
Dan demi waktu yang bergulir di sampingmu
Maafkan diriku sepenuh hatimu
Seandainya bila ku bisa memilih..."

Lagu Demi Waktu nieh sebenarnye sangat menyakitkan hati but jd cam tak brape sakit hati sebab Pasha yg nyanyi. Cuz...dgn suara Pasha tuh tiba2 je cam leh paham lak situation lelaki dlm lagu tuh...Padahal, if you're feminist enough...mesti takkan faham punye!

Then...dengar lagu nieh pulak:

"Ku mencintaimu lebih dari apapun
Meski tiada satu orangpun yang tahu
Ku mencintaimu sedalam dalam hatiku
Meskipun engkau hanya kekasih gelapku..."

Kalau ikutkan...lagu ni lagilah kurang asam cuz dlm lagu Kekasih Gelapku ni macam nak bg kat perempuan simpanan...and cinta pon sorok2 macam tuh...Kalau jd perempuan tuh patutnye marah la kan?

But no...aku tak marah. In fact aku letakkan lagu ni dlm playlist, kt dlm PC, laptopku, laptop kerjaku dulu, dan juga phone ku. Siap leh layan sebelum tido lagi...ehehe...Dan pernah jd ringtone pun! Hampeh je kan..with the song yg ade lirik macam nie...

Then...aku dgr lak lagu Andai Ku Tahu.Yang nieh pon best. Lagu keagamaan yg tak payah nak mendayu2 but cukup mengingatkan...macam ade satu part nieh:

"...andai ku tahu
malaikatMu kan menjemputku
izinkan aku
mengucap kata taubat padaMu.."

Aku dok surfing tgk album2 Ungu yang sebelum nieh (sbb aku tak, kena carik la kan). Mmg ade satu album Ungu nieh tajuk dia Aku dan Tuhanku la....Surgamu la....hmm...bagus...bagus...who knows sampai tua (insyaAllah) still leh layan lagu Pasha kan?

Aku tak tau Tercipta Untukku keluar dulu, ataupun my favourite song aku, Cinta Dalam Hati. But both are giving me the same effect.
Macam bile dia nyanyi part chorus nieh in Tercipta Untukku:

"...aku ingin engkau slalu
hadir dan temani aku
disetiap langkah
yang meyakiniku
kau tercipta untukku
sepanjang hidupku..."

Pastu ade satu part Tercipta Untukku kan...bile Rossa punye suara masuk sekali utk OST Ayat-ayat Cinta (dahlah aku minat Rossa gak!). Waaa...sangat la terjiwangnye dgn version yg ini!!! Rasa macam bercinta plak~!

"menatap indahnya senyuman diwajahmu
membuat ku terdiam dan terpaku
mengerti akan hadirnya cinta terindah
saat kau peluk mesra tubuhku..."

Lagu nieh from album Melayang...ahahaha..memanglaaa...aku pon rase nak melayang gak dgr lagu nieh:P

And of favourite among all Ungu/Pasha's songs, Cinta Dalam Hati:

"Mungkin ini memang jalan takdirku
Mengagumi tanpa dicintai
Tak mengapa bagiku asal kau pun bahagia
Dengan hidupmu, dalam hidupmu...."

Pernah la sekali tuh Adik nyanyi lagu ni kat karaoke and I cried. Tah hape2 kan? Tp waktu tuh konon aku nieh terlalu menjiwai lagu tuh, cam sedih2 la dengar lagu yg takde kena mengena ngan hidup atau mati nieh....

"Dan izinkan aku memeluk dirimu kali ini saja..tuk ucapkan selamat tinggal untuk selamanya..."

And of course...baru2 nieh...Terlanjur Cinta...dgn Rossa...

Pasha is definitely showing his magic to me. Dr lirik yg patutnya menyakitkan hati, boleh jadi menenangkan hati. Lirik keagaaman yg mengingatkan...and definitely...boleh membuatkan Sha ini angau and sedih at the same time...

And for me...he is a true singer...dgn kemachoan suaranya!!!

Camne nak minat FT macam nieh? (hahaha...statement cari gaduh ni...hihi...)