Monday, October 05, 2009

the ketupat story: the end


He knew how much I loved Liverpool.
He knew how much I wanted Torres to score.
He knew how much a football game would mean to me.
Especially these days, when I finally get the time to watch football.

He knew that one goal would crack a smile to my face.
He knew that I won't talk about anything else besides football.
He knew that football is the only way I'm expressing myself.

On Sunday Morning...
We talked about Anton Ferdinand's goal.
We talked about how lucky MU was.
We teased about players.
We laughed about the bad ones.
We complimented our favourites.
We talked about future - who was going to win.

But then, later in the evening he gave me this:
Him: Hai Sha, tengok game ke?
Me: Haah. Kau tak tido lagi ke? Sok keje.
Him: Nak tidolah ni. Aku nak bagitau kau sesuatu.
Me: Ape?
Him: aku bertunang hari ni.
Me: Fine.
Him: Ko hepi tak?
Me: Tak.
Him: Apsal?Tak suke ke aku nak kawen?
Me: Tak.
Him: Ok.

Didier Drogba was not the one who was breaking my heart when he scored the first goal.
He did.
Florent Malouda did not squeezed it until it bleed.
He did.

After one whole day of a ceremony, he told me in the evening - while I was watching my team playing.
I thought I knew him.
But I didn't.

Because if he is my best friend, he has principles.
Because if he is my best friend, he has courage.
Because if he is my best friend, he has compassion.
But he hasn't.

It was not about the blue shirts.
It was how he painted my Monday blue at 12.00am.

***THE NOTE***
My dear,

Football is the only thing I have after what had happened to us.
Football is the only thing ever existed in our conversation after you're not allowed to come to my house anymore.(remember her rules?)
Football is the only thing which makes me happy.

It has been exactly a year since we made up last year after I gave you a silent treatment.(because of her rules)
It was Syawal when I told you I didn't want the friendship to end.
It was the same month last year when you said that we should hold on to what we have gone through together.(after all these years)

We are not lovers. We never will.
The moment you betrayed another woman, you were just an ordinary guy for me.
The moment you lured yourself into a woman with feminism, you were not the one for me.
The moment you accepted your birthday gift from her and said that was the best gift ever, I knew that you were just MY BEST FRIEND.

I thought, I have said this several times.
I thought it should be clear to her that I was not expecting anything from you.

Why does she needs to be afraid?
What makes her think that you would fall for me?
What makes her think that I would fall for you?
What makes her think that I would do exactly the same thing that she did - begging to another girl's boyfriend?
What makes her think that I would wait for you even after two broken relationships with the men whom I knew after I knew you?
What the hell makes her think that I don't have a love life of my own until I have to fall for you?
What makes her think that her boyfriend is so great until I have to blind myself for other man's greatness?
What makes her think that I don't have a taste?

She didn't know me.
She doesn't want to get to know me.
She will never get to know me.

I taught my boyfriendS to accept you.
But you didn't teach her to accept me.
I fought for you.
Have you ever fought for me?

I knew you first.
But I'm the one who needs to sacrifice.

Guess what?
You're not my boyfriend.
You never will.
So, I'm not sacrificing a relationship now.
I'm sacrificing my friendship.
Years of friendship.
Too bad she doesn't know how to differentiate.
Too bad you don't know how to be thankful.
Might be we are different after all.
I am sacrificing something great now;
because I would definitely be able to search for a relationship.
But I can never build another friendship.
(you just don't realise how much the friendship means to me)

I might not have to sacrifice if...
She made an effort to know me.
She gave herself some dignity.

You forced me to respect other people's relationship.
You said, "don't take other people's belonging."
But she could take you.
Even when you were someone else's belonging.
Where was you principle?
You called her a saint when she stole you from someone else.
But why were you prohibited me to have friendships with other men?
Being hypocrite will not going to help me to respect her.
Stealing is a crime.
Regardless whether it's the BAD SHA or SAINT GIRLFRIEND, it's still a crime.
What you said, what you did...was totally unfair, dear.
That was when a handball was allowed in a football match - and you were the referree.
That was when an injured player by the name of Sha walked off the field because you gave her a red card.
That was when a female Diego Maradona was considered a hero because she scored a goal against England..
The injured player will be forgotten.
The female Maradona will be remembered.

For that...
Your wedding would be impossible.
Your children will never get to know Aunty Sha.
You will never know how Orkid will look like.
You will never get the original Man U jersey I'm dreaming to buy for you.
I worked like a dog for the money.
I guess, I would buy Liverpool's jersey instead.
You will never know how much you mean to me.

I wish I can stay.
But I can't.
I don't want you to hide me just because she is angry.
Because I'm not your mistress.
I'm your best friend.

"tau la liv sekarang da power, tp MU takkan mengalah k :) .....
InsyaAllah nanti Tuhan tunjukkan penyelesaian baik.kawan tetap kawan"

My dear,
This was your recent comment in my blog when I talked about you. (last week)
I'm letting you go today because I just don't know how long you're going to pretend.
A Muslim will tawakkal if he tried.
Have you tried enough to let her know I'm just a friend?

For all the sleepless nights;
When we talked about hope, dreams and fantasy.
For all the impatient days;
When we waited to have each other's company.

In years to come...
When Rooney scores, go and hug her.
When Valencia knows how to kick, go and kiss her.
When Manchester United wins the cup, go ahead make babies with her.

Because I'm not going to be there to criticise you anymore.

When Torres scores the goal, I will cheer.
When Lucas moves to other team, I will laugh.
When Liverpool wins the cup, I will be in another man's embrace.

I wish I will show him to BOTH OF YOU.
So that you'll know that my love is not cheap...I don't give it to everyone including you.

We passed the kick start beautifully.
We scored the goals, we created set pieces.
We showed our skills, we had the suspension.
We went through extra time and we decided on penalties.
It's time to go to different dressing rooms.

This is my conference and it will be the last one about you.
It's the end of The Ketupat Story.
For now, I'm just going to be a good daughter.
When my mum says no to you, I will oblige.
For I'm too, coming from a respectable family, even though I'm not a saint.


With lots and lots of love,
(cause the love of a friend was there and still is)
Your best friend.


caluk@cencaluk said...

sib baik lah aku bkn penyokong mana2 he he

Princess Liyana said...

hmm complicated btol bunyinya kak..hmm tp mesti ada hikmahnya kan kak?mengorbankan sesuatu, dlm usaha menjadi anak yg baik? mesti ada hikmahnya. yana yakin :)

imHepPie said...

huhu,..masalah ngn membe eh..cheer up..xmola sedeh2 eh..

ONE ZABA said...

taruh rendang story sekali....

ashley said...

what an entry!!

et said...

hurmm..stil blur..x faham situasi..huu~

dotblogspotdotkom said...

pakcik sampai sudah tak reti nak buat ketupat ..

lastly jadi tikar la plak...

~♥ cik intan® said...

.sedey lak bce entry neh
.sis, b patient
.biar je die k ;)

Tie said...

Sha.... he's not worth it even as a friend. He's too lembik to speak up for himself. He lets someone controls his life.

Sha..... you deserve a better person. Someone who appreciates you the way you are.

Anyway, don't throw away that memories. Someday, you will smile and say, " I've made it ! I 've found my true love!"

Ayu said...

sha... honestly me x suka ngan pompuan mcm tu.. mcm my komen kat entry yg terdahulu kan..

eee... geram plak bila baca..

manje said...

sabar yeh
mens, it's so hard to understand them.
he's not trying too hard to make your friendship work aite.
this situation happened to me sis,but me being the gf and not the friend.
we fought many times, but after much explanation from my bf,i realised why kongkong my bf if he has a good-best-girl-friend.someone he can confide if he needs advice to 'pujuk' me.i learnt to trust him sis,(trust is important in a rlstionship)and it seems that the GF in this story needs to learn to trust her bf more.cause if he really loves her,he won't go to anyone else.
after all, u knew him first aite =)

Cik Qemm said...

letting a friendship isn't easy when u love the relationship so much. this piece of story seems similar to mine.

but i never regret for letting this kind of friend in my life, because there are many others who are better than him.

anyway, hoping the rainbow will come after the rain :D

~Kak AZZ~ said...


*akak pnh alami situasi cmni bila kawan yg paling akrab dgn kita, selalu kongsi suka bila nak bertunang, langsung tak ingat kat kita...nk bgtau jauh sekali la...mgkin dia fikir kita ada hati dgn dia kot...tu yg dia taknak bgtau tu, takut kita kecewa.....Tapi, akhirnya mmg la kita kecewa...kecewa kerana terasa tidak dihargai sbg kawan...bukan kecewa kerana dgr berita pertunangan dia....Sampai skang hati rasa sayu je bila ingat2 balik....Sebab apa tau, sebab dia boleh buang kita yg dia kenali sjk kecil lagi semata2 nak jaga hati dan perasaan his fiancee...

Apapun, life must go on....jom layan bola jom...tapi akak fan MU...ekekekeke...

t.a.c.a said...

stupid mr ketupat for leaving a good fren like u for a girlfriend....


ashie023 said...

the hell with mr ketupat...

tapi ape2 pong, harap Sha tabah menghadapi segala dugaan dalam hidup..

sya said...

dah baca kan entry sya ari tu...
satu hari nanti, kita akan rasa bersyukur atas keadaan ini... :)

a kl citizen said...

assalammualaikum, sha..
moga Allah beri kekuatan untuk tidak cair nanti ....

sudahlah melayan insan itu...
tutup pintu itu...
buka pintu lain ya...

Ries Lee said...

x sokong mane2 pun..
apa2 pun arsenal mng besar...

Anonymous said...

ohohoh... so complicated.

Lan Bingka said...

you'll never walk alone..

iza~de~bintang said...

Aih ketupat ni..kalau 'rebus tak empuk' memang tak sedap dimakan. Cari menu baru yang lebih sesuai. mungkin lebih sedap ;)

Jangan sedey sedey arr Sha..
kalau sedey gak meh Nilai..kita gi shopping :D

messyremo said...


ape jadahnye..
teruk giler pompuan tuh~

miera a.k.a merr said...

haih... dia da amek dr org len.. mmg la dia takot org amek dr dia blk...~

u deserve better sis~

hasni said...

semakin tertarik dngn the way u write ur story