Wednesday, December 16, 2009

chrysanthemum story: resumed on cruise?

* this is a scheduled posting as I'm moving house and waiting for streamyx to connect the internet to my new home. Sorry...I can't visit your blog as yet.

put a comment on my posting:

"...i just wonder, apa yg berlaku seterusnya. ada sambungan ke tak?"

Well, I am continuing that story today.

To those who have been reading this blog for quite sometime, you knew the 20 series of posting called The Chrysanthemum Story. It was a conversation between me and my ex-boyfriend, Sepet. And there was this recall of memories in sha: you've got a way.

Yes, we broke up. We created wonderful memories together then we went separate ways. Though it was hard because we worked in the same building:(

But we remained friends. I mean, when we first called it off, it was hard to even look at each other without recalling the bitter feelings inside. Eventually, as we bumped into each other several times - we started to say hi and acknowledged each other. Then, we became friends. Just friends.

It was my last day at work when I put up the courage to bid him goodbye. I resigned - and we came into more friendly terms after I left the building.

One day, he paid a visit to me in Seremban. For the first time in years, we talked about the relationship - we cried, we laughed, we soothed each other and we said goodbye again. After that long discussion of spilled anger and pain, we finally called it a final curtain.

But he asked me to give him some time.
I knew that the time would never come.

We continued to be friends. Though it was hard to discuss about the "other people" in our lives, we still tried - knowing that friends are supposed to act like friends. But honestly, I hated it when he talked about other girls. And from my observation, a high degree of temper would be turned on if I was telling him about other men.

Perhaps, that was the reason why ex-partners can't be friends after they break up.

I heard Pakai Buang beating my eardrums at 2a.m. I was sleeping.

Him: I have been thinking...
Me: Hmmmmm...? (I asked sleepily)
Him: Kadang I teringat, tapi I tak call...
Me: Why?
Him: Ego. I don't want you to know how I feel.
Me: You and your that why you're calling me?
Him: Tak.
Me: Habis?
Him: I asyik ingat you, Sha.
Me: Hah? Hahahahahahaha...(I laughed cynically)
Him: I hurt you. I know. But I need you to hear me out. Please.
Me: We talked about this . I don't want to talk about it again.

Yeah, right! After that I couldn't sleep and we talked through the night. The next day we talked again. Yes, you might be thinking that I am stupid because we're still talking. Less people talk to their ex calmly. But I did.
History was a history. We should deal with the present and future.
So, I listened.
And I talked.
He is now 34 years old.
I am now 27 years old.
Three years has passed.
Hopefully our ages play the part.


December 5, 2009

River Cruise, Malacca

Baby let's cruise, away from here
Don't be confused, the way is clear
& if you want it you got it forever
This is not a one night stand, baby, yeah
- Cruisin' by Gwyneth Paltrow and Huey Lewis

Vomitting was not a problem. The air was windy. We had a nice dinner of Asam Pedas Ikan Pari, Telur Masin, Ulam, Sambal Belacan, Otak-otak, and Satay. We wanted to make it a pure Malacca visit. Family, friends, and us.

The sound of Dondang Sayang filled our ears. I smiled with my camera in my hands as I enjoyed the scenery. I had always been in love with Malacca. Ever since they have the River Cruise, I fell in love with Malacca several times - more than I could have ever imagined.

We were silent at first. We looked ahead and amazed ourselves with the glittering lights and beautiful building. Then we exhanged smiles. I noticed his expression every time I showed mine. It was delightful. Everytime I grinned happily at something, he grinned too. I was like a child, who did not conceal my expression. My small eyes widened as I saw something nice. I laughed when I felt like laughing. He couldn't take his eyes off me. And he became a child himself! We were enjoying our boat ride together. After a while we started to point on stuff we liked and said- " tengok tu, best tak?"
After three years of separation - I was being very careful. Yes, I don't want anyone to take advantage of my feelings anymore. I must be very sure before I'm doing anything.

Yes, there were times when I forgot that we are no longer a couple. Just friends who were enjoying our weekend together (with his sister around too!).

We reached the site where we could see a blue Ferris wheel - Eyes on Malacca from the boat. I couldn't hide my excitement. I grinned from ear to ear. I snapped as much picture as I could. My mouth were gaping with awe. I was like a small child who found her toys!

Him: Awak memang suka benda tu kan?

I looked at him. Somehow I just remember my schedule posting: oranges...and a boyfriend part 2. Co-incidence? Wowww...I didn't expect we would see another ferris wheel after I scheduled my posting! Seriously!

Me: Yup...(I smiled. He smiled back)
Him: I don't want to be angry anymore. I just want to make you happy this time.
Me: I can't talk about this. Please.
Him: You have been sad for the past three years. I know I hurt you.
Me: (silent)

We were silent again and then we continued with the enjoyable cruise. When we were about the reach our destination, I could see the nice Eyes on Malaysia.

Me: I nak sangat naik tu...
Him: Macam best kan?
Me: You bukan takut naik ferris wheel?
Him: Yes, but I can handle it this time.
Me: It's going to be a ride.
Him: I know.
Me: Are you okay with the ride?
Him: I know I will.

His gaze was intent. I was unsure whether we talked the same language. I was talking about the sight of Ferris wheel while we were enjoying a boat ride. He was talking about something other than that. But we didn't make any love confessions. Just a sweet memory of having each other's company.

Yes, no love words. Definitely.

While he was playing tennis with my brothers for the second weekend last Saturday, I was watching him. Will someone else be able to do what he was doing with my brothers? They certainly looked comfortable with him. They laughed together, they learned from him, he gave my brother his socks to wear. They teased me together!
And when my brothers were dwelling with their rackets or shoes, he casted glances over the court and sent warmth smiles. To me.
After the second date, he asked,
"Are you happy these days?"
I kept my mouth shut and wanted to change the topic.

He continued:
"I don't want you to be sad anymore. Three years is what I have to make up for. I want us to work out. "
Silent from my end.

Sha is having an issue.
This time, it's not a fantasy or imagination. No Jack Bass.
She is having this spell again. Luckily she's elder and calmer now.

How long are we going to dance this time, dear?

Let the music take your mind, ooh
Just release & you will find
You're gonna fly away
Glad you're goin' my way
I love it when we're cruisin' together
The music is played for love,
Cruisin' is made for love
I love it when we're cruisin' together
This is the story of me and Sepet.
Three dates with my ex.
Can't believe I did it.
I need advices!!!!


manje said...

betul tak proverb ni sis?
"fool me once,shame on you .. fool me twice shame on me .."

i'm not sure if i'm even layak nak bagi advice to u sis,but what happened to me when i gave someone a chance is that i just got my heart broken again and yeah, it made me feel like a fool.not to forget the old wound reopening itself.
wounds can heal sis, but the scars will always be there to remind us.

good luck sis =)

speckurosaklagi said...

Three dates with my ex.
Can't believe I did it.

ashie023 said...

it's hard to resist..hehe
kene plak duduk satu tempat keje, mesti bertembung,..aiya..

i did too..i did talk to my ex very calmly..but when i talked about some other boys...and tell him this boy is cute and bla bla bla..his face was like 'urghhh' i care..ahak!

mier@merr said...

i baru lepas ckp ngn my ex..siap stori pasal mjlis kawen dia lg.. n how hard he tried to forget me... hmmm...

kite je yg kena pandai handle... ati kita penah ada kt dia,..xsusah untuk dia amek skli lg... tp... kite je yg ptot kontrol nk bg ke tak....

ati2~ :)

Lan Bingka said...

mungkin ditakdirkan untuk berkawan je. kadang2 bila dah mula couple balik, macam2 masalah timbul.

tapi, mana la tahu kan, kali ni ok plak...hmm ikut la kata hati

Vee Violet said...

It's not a bad thing if still berkawan or contact dgn ex-lover lepas clash... =)
As long as both party still single and tak rasa rasa suffer sebab masih ada simpan perasaan to each other.

zino said...

teringat kisah dolu dolu hehe

~ mizzAmy ~ said...

susahnya.... amy tahu perasaan kak sha skang ni.

mungkin juga kak sha kena percaya dengan jodoh. being apart for 3 years, then sebenarnya he's the one. cuma dah terbazirkan masa 3 tahun tuh macam tuh jer.

kak sha buat lah istikarah yer. tuh yang terbaik. amy nak advice lebih-lebih, amy pun tengah ting-tong jugak ni. hahahaha....

Dee said...

agree with mizzAmy..dee pun baik ngan suma ex-bf..except for ex-fiancee..coz tu family x restu..not that we hate each, it's hard utk baik2 balik ngan dia..takut fall in love again..hey..i hate scandal/affair..nauzubillah..mtk dijauhkan..

rasanya sha baik2 jelah ngan dia dulu..maybe buka pintu hati sedikit demi sedikit..ada keyakinan baru terima dia balik..kalo x..jgn dipaksa hati..

Sasha said...

ini soal hati... susah nak beri pendapat... kalau dia sgt2 kesal akan kesilapan lalu & ingin 2nd chance... apa salahnya kan?... tp kena betul2 pastikan keikhlasannya pd kali ini... yg penting jgn biarkan perasaan Sha menguasai diri... cuba berkawan dulu & cari keserasian... jika ada jodoh... siapa tau...

good luck... may the best things happen to you!

Cik Qemm said...

qemmal tak tau nak bg dgr kata hati,insya-allah.haha.cemane nk dgr kata hati pun ntah la.

apa2 pun,all d best kak sha!

atty's said...

mesti susah utk sha kan ..

kty still baik ngn semua kena tau batas..just kawan ..

~Kak AZZ~ said...

susah la nak komen jika ianya berkaitan dgn hati dan perasaan...

namun akak masih setia menunggu....hahaha...

~LP Lum~ said...

huhuhu... still msaih berkwn baik ngan my ex-SP.. masih laie bercerita tentang c dia yg dah ada penganti n now dah clash dah pun.. :)
still lg kong-c my probs.. my sadness,my happiness, n all... :)
apa pun kak, buka mata n buka atie.. tnya dri akak sndri patut ke akak bg peluang wat c dia.. andai masih ada lg sisa2 dlm atie akak wat c dia.. go on.. andai x, jd kawan pun ok wat?? ;p

Cik Biol said...

istiqarah yes tu paling tepat hmmm

julietchun said...

rasanya saya tak mungkin boleh berkawan ngan ex.

lupekanje said...

real story ehh?? n not ur imagination?

I agreed...nothing wrong to keep on as friend after broke out relation with somebody... but dont let the history happen least, we knw what is to do and what is dont.

sI tEDI said...

indahnye masa silam!

Anonymous said...

mane en pocket? i need to know what he want to say...sory..but me just crazy..kebetulan kak sha~i been mencari my ex since two weeks ago..and this morning die jawab my ym..die kat jerman. i feel good talking to him after all the silent. but going back to be wit just not kalau ada jodoh..i wouldnt say much..takdir dan jodoh..

iza~de~bintang said...

Soal hati dan perasaan memang susah nk cakap kan. Kalau pernah terluka pun, kalau si dia hadir balik dengan ikhlas dan benar2 berharap, mestilah hati kecil akan tergugah juga ..kan. Apatah lagi, dia tu pernah Sha sayang, apatah lagi KALAU hati blum benar-benar mendapat pengganti yang serasi.

Tak reti nak bagi pendapat, sebab takdo pengalaman huhu.. Macam kata kawan2 yg lain, istikharah lah jawapan yang sesuai.

Gud luck Sha :)

CuTeMiUt78 said...

eemmmm dlm situasi camni.. perasaan kita yg amat penting kan sha.. rasanya klu sekali terguris.. rasanya smpi bila2...
tapi why not klu give him a chance.. kot la pas ni blh merubah segalanya

Precious said...

Gee .. I'm not an expert in dis kinda thing. But I'm sure u r mature enuf to decide 4 urself, at least more mature than b4. Ur happiness is at stake here. Jangan tergesa2, tepuk dada tanya selera. Trust ur instinct! My prayer goes to u.

Quiyah & Hasrul said...

i have 4 exes sha, each of them had hurt me terribly..bucket of tears, heartache, but now, im friends with 3 of them even im married..

u shud be able to do it too. just this time, as u mention, be more careful.