We're not the best example of love. I admit that.
Few days before it happened, I cried in my sleep. My body temperature was feverish. I couldn't eat or talk. The only activity I knew was how to drag myself into the misery by sleeping.
Yes, I was scared. I was scared of the possibilities. He had such high expectation and believed that I could reach the star by crossing all the hurdles. He thought I was strong. He said,
"Behave like a child and I'll treat you like one. If you want me to treat you like an adult, then behave like one."
I wanted to be an adult so badly. I wanted to be respected. But for that occassion, I failed miserably. My limbs were too weak to move. My lips were to heavy to form any words. And my eyes were too hardworking to cry. He didn't care. He pretended that my emotions were just temporary.
Yes, he was the man of my life. But he didn't really care. No sweet words of comfort. Just a squeeze on my shoulder to tell me that I was going to be okay.
He was conventional. A typical man who knew to assure by only saying,
"Esok elok tu."
He walked to my house everyday just to check on my condition. He worried himself and sat on the prayer mat for hours;assuring me that was the only way on how to remedy my problem. He scolded me for crying; yet he checked the time I had my meal and the amount consumed each day.
Yes, he was the most caring person alive. Too bad, he didn't know how to show it. But his confidence was marvelous. I had a hell of time but he said it was just temporary. He said, after I was done with crying, I would definitely laugh loudly as I usually did.
I cried. I said I didn't want to go to school. I wanted things to be perfect, I feared that the day would spoil my record of happiness and contribution. I didn't take my breakfast and I vomitted the full content of my stomach.
I was too nervous.
Both men said,
"Elok nanti tu."
They said something else.
I cried again.
They kept their silence.
I cried non-stop.
One drove me to the school which situated outside the state.
One stayed at home.
One carried me to sign on the result papers.
One prayed silently while waited anxiously at home.
Both played their parts in the ways they knew how.
12.30pm, Year 1997, the teacher said this to Man #1, "Tahniah!"
I cried uncontrollably. He had tears in his eyes while he was carrying me. But I knew he resumed to shed his tears afterwards, when he thought there was nobody watching him:)
When I reached home, the older man ran to the gate and hugged me. His body shook with joy while his tears drenched on my shoulders. He said,
"I knew it!"
Two tough men cried on the same day for me.
That was the day I received my PMR results:)
Man #2 was the older man. He left me with love few months before I marched on the stage to receive my degree. He did not make it to the ceremony.
He was my late grandfather.
Man #1 came to my graduation day. He is celebrating his 51st birthday tommorrow.
On a Christmas day.
Happy birthday, ayah.
The day I received my PMR result, he gave me one gift: CONFIDENCE.
Atuk gave me that too.
Two men cried because they believed in me.
Hopefully three years after this ayah will be coming to my Master's Degree graduation.
I'll give him another gift:)
*** Congratulations to this year's PMR candidates***
p/s: He is asking for grandchildren!!!!
* this is a scheduled posting as I'm moving house and waiting for streamyx to connect the internet to my new home. Sorry...I can't visit your blog as yet.