Thursday, December 24, 2009

sha: men cried for me

We're not the best example of love. I admit that.

Man #1
Few days before it happened, I cried in my sleep. My body temperature was feverish. I couldn't eat or talk. The only activity I knew was how to drag myself into the misery by sleeping.

Yes, I was scared. I was scared of the possibilities. He had such high expectation and believed that I could reach the star by crossing all the hurdles. He thought I was strong. He said,

"Behave like a child and I'll treat you like one. If you want me to treat you like an adult, then behave like one."

I wanted to be an adult so badly. I wanted to be respected. But for that occassion, I failed miserably. My limbs were too weak to move. My lips were to heavy to form any words. And my eyes were too hardworking to cry. He didn't care. He pretended that my emotions were just temporary.

Yes, he was the man of my life. But he didn't really care. No sweet words of comfort. Just a squeeze on my shoulder to tell me that I was going to be okay.

Man #2
He was conventional. A typical man who knew to assure by only saying,

"Esok elok tu."

He walked to my house everyday just to check on my condition. He worried himself and sat on the prayer mat for hours;assuring me that was the only way on how to remedy my problem. He scolded me for crying; yet he checked the time I had my meal and the amount consumed each day.

Yes, he was the most caring person alive. Too bad, he didn't know how to show it. But his confidence was marvelous. I had a hell of time but he said it was just temporary. He said, after I was done with crying, I would definitely laugh loudly as I usually did.

The day
I cried. I said I didn't want to go to school. I wanted things to be perfect, I feared that the day would spoil my record of happiness and contribution. I didn't take my breakfast and I vomitted the full content of my stomach.

I was too nervous.

Both men said,

"Elok nanti tu."

I cried.

They said something else.

I cried again.

They kept their silence.

I cried non-stop.

One drove me to the school which situated outside the state.
One stayed at home.

One carried me to sign on the result papers.
One prayed silently while waited anxiously at home.
Both played their parts in the ways they knew how.

12.30pm, Year 1997, the teacher said this to Man #1, "Tahniah!"

I cried uncontrollably. He had tears in his eyes while he was carrying me. But I knew he resumed to shed his tears afterwards, when he thought there was nobody watching him:)

When I reached home, the older man ran to the gate and hugged me. His body shook with joy while his tears drenched on my shoulders. He said,

"I knew it!"

Two tough men cried on the same day for me.

That was the day I received my PMR results:)

Man #2 was the older man. He left me with love few months before I marched on the stage to receive my degree. He did not make it to the ceremony.

He was my late grandfather.

Man #1 came to my graduation day. He is celebrating his 51st birthday tommorrow.

On a Christmas day.

Happy birthday, ayah.

The day I received my PMR result, he gave me one gift: CONFIDENCE.
Atuk gave me that too.
Two men cried because they believed in me.

Hopefully three years after this ayah will be coming to my Master's Degree graduation.

I'll give him another gift:)

*** Congratulations to this year's PMR candidates***

p/s: He is asking for grandchildren!!!!

* this is a scheduled posting as I'm moving house and waiting for streamyx to connect the internet to my new home. Sorry...I can't visit your blog as yet.

37 comments:

~LP Lum~ said...

tringat msa ambik result pmr dedulu... :)

cuba wat n janji yg trbaik tuk my parents.. but i cant gave them wat i promised.. :(

n psl grandchildren 2, sy pun dah byk kali d tnya... so apa jwpan yg patut d bg?? ;p

Tie said...

Kak tie tak ambik PMR..... ambik SRP, hehehe... zaman dulu kala.

Result kak tie setakat okay je. Tapi adik-adik kak tie semuanya straight A's. Tu yang buat kak tie rasa rendah diri sangat. Tak pe laa.. tetap rasa bersyukur kerana boleh hidup sederhana begini.

Sha... straight A's atau berjaya dalam akademik tak semestinya boleh berjaya dalam hidup. Bukan nak lemahkan semangat Sha, tapi hakikat hidup.

Kak tie dah rasa dan laluinya. Nikmatilah apa yang kita ada sekarang dengan rasa bersyukur, kerana kita tak tahu apakah yang ada di hadapan kita.

Walaubagaimana pun... straight A's tu satu bonus ! Ramai yang cemburu tu.. termasuk kak tie, hu hu...

Cik Qemm said...

happy birthday ayah kak sha!
thanks for bringing kak sha to the world! (i quote this from your comment on my father's bday :D)

good luck for your masters kay!

[S]itie [B]Um [B]Um said...

hidup byk dugaan

kakchik said...

salam sha.
this is why i love your blog.
you write things that make me flashback to my own childhood memories but need to change 'man' to 'woman'.
kakchik pun SRP macam kak tie jugak. dah tua dah kita.
anyway, happy birthday to your dad. may Allah bestow upon him good health and wonderful memories with you and family.
he must be one proud father because he has you.

Anonymous said...

your post made me cry...

he will not make it to my graduation too... neither was he there to hear the news that i was accepted into med school. but i kept my promise to him, and i did what he wanted me to do.

i hope he's proud of me wherever he is now.

p/s: you realise you miss him when you achieved something and there's no one to tell... :'(

~shasha~

intanurulfateha (◡‿◡✿) said...

.hepi besday to ayah kak sha! :)

.sedey plak bce entry ni T__T

Kujie said...

happy birthday utk ayah sha...moga ditetapkan iman, sihat tubuh badan,kesenangan harta benda juga kesejahteraan dunia akhirat.

kak jie zaman SRP tapi bila tunggu result anak2...gementar mcm tunggu org dtg meminang

Yunus Badawi said...

selamat hari lahir kpd ayah sha. Semoga dipanjangkan umur, dimurahkan rezeki dan dikurniakan cucu cepat2. Bila lagi sha? hehehe

Org lelaki kebiasaannya mmg tak pandai pamerkan kasih sayang mereka. But deep inside, they will do anything for their loved one.

iza~de~bintang said...

memori yang menyentuh hati, dan diceritakan dari hati :)

semoga sha akan terus berjaya dengan m.a nanti :)

selamat ulang tahun untuk ayah Sha, semoga diberi kesihatan yang baik.

erm Sha pindah ke kawasan mana ya? tertanya2 jugak ni hehehe.

sya said...

memang ayah yang selalu risaukan result anak2 kan.
bila tiba bab result, memang banyak teringat kat ayah saya...

grandchildren? haa.. bila lagi sha? :P

Sasha said...

Happy Birthday To ur Daddy... Moga sihat selalu & dilimpahi keberkatan sepanjang tahun..

Salam Maal Hijrah utk Sha... Moga tahun baru membawa lebih byk kebaikan.

Quiyah & Hasrul said...

grandchildren? hmm..

imHepPie said...

sukanya cara sis sha cite..hmm bila lgi nak bercucu ayahanda tuh hikhik

Pocket said...

he was not there on my PMR result day,
neither he was when SPM,
nor even he was when i'm flying to japan,
but i guess he's just as proud as any father can be, but he got issue of showing up^^

anyway sha.. keep the spirit sha,
for u'll definitely make him proud one more time with your graduation day.
I hope i can be the third man there to cry for u:D heheh

Ili Saharudin said...

Haru ili baca komen pocket,anyway,terasa cam dejavu masa baca ur entry. Coz masa siang hari teringatkan moment masa ili dapat result dulu..my mum yg ambik kan coz I were in kg. Takde la straight A's but cukup la buat my parent proud. My grandfather pass away to many years ago.but I still have my grandmother..she did came to my degree convo, I pray she will there also for my master degree convo in 2012..insyallah..gudluck for ur master ye kak..saing2 la kita nanti..

a.z.r.i.n.a.03.07 said...

Happy Besday utk Ayah Sha, Pak Cik Zamrinor !
semoga dilimpahi dengan rahmat dari yang Maha Esa..


grandchildren ?....haaa mintak parent tolong cari kan partner..boley ?..opss..saje gurau..

Lan Bingka said...

tiada kompromi..cepat bagi cucu..hehe

ashie023 said...

uh???teringat aku masa aku nak peksa matematik for SPM...termuntah sebelum nak turum dari umah...ahahhaha

ur grandpa and ur father must be proud of u, sha..

manje said...

out of topic punya comment ni
hehehhehe
Heppy New year Sis .!!

LiNda said...

Saya setuju dengan komen YB

But deep inside, they will do anything for their loved one.


Yup !. itulah yang sebenarnya .

Happy birthday utk Ayah Sha.

zeqzeq said...

happy2 buat seorang ayah yang ngerti anaknya, anak zaman moden.

~Kak AZZ~ said...

Setuju dgn Tie....sbb akakpun amek SRP gak....pastu result pun tak la bagus sgt....so smpai skang masih ada rasa rendah diri....

*Tapi skang ni akak sdg berusaha utk mengikis sedikit demi sedikit rasa rendah diri tu...Asalkan jgn sampai jg org yg takbur sudah la...huhuhu...takut takbur2 ni....

kakpah said...

i took my form 3 exm long long time ago. it was LCE (lower certificate of education) but i still remember the day when my parents had to go to my school to get my result because i was too chickened out to do it myself.

Salam sha.

blogresipi.com said...

Happy birthday to Ayah Sha.. semoga panjang umur dan dimurahkan rezeki selalu... Sha, bile nak kabulkan permintaan ayah tue? hehehe

google said...

dolu sekolah kampung..... parents hanya tau anak p sekolah.. habiskan sekolah .. tu je.. selebihnye ..pepandai le sendiri.....

tapi ramai juga yg masa sekolah dolu belajar ntah pe2... dah besar nih.. menjadi juga... huhuuh

kene usaha lebih la sikit....

selamat hari jadi tu ur dad...

mier@merr said...

happy bezday to ayah!! :)

sis,...do cntact me k...

[asam]pedas said...

bestlah n3 nih...touching :)

Dee said...

happy birthday to ur ayah..n yes..bila anak2 success..parents yg bangga giler..

~ mizzAmy ~ said...

kalau ayah kak sha baca ni, mesti dia menitiskan air mata untuk kak sha lagi. insya-Allah, ayah kak sha will always support u and glad to see her daughter on ur coming master's graduation. btw, happy belated birthday to ur Ayah.. ;)

~0~ said...

da sampai masa da tue...

Amieynna Amin said...

sha..
hampir menitis air mata..

saya amek keputusan PMR with my mom..my dad keje..
sampai je kat sekolah, sume org ckp congrates n gtaw dat i got straight A's..
bile gtaw my mom.. die xcaye langsung..tp menangis..huhu

fa10 said...

happy birthdy utk ayah cheryna, sama tarikh ngan anniversary akak ler. Sha buat master ek? good luck...

Ismail N said...

This is a very moving story. An experience that most of us can relate to. You were lucky to have both incredible men sharing your journey on that day. You have a memory to be grateful for. Someday, your children will read this and understand.

Zyma Saad said...

Salam Sha....

Happy New Year 2010.
All the best....

;)

kuch said...

your story has really touched me

Adila said...

waaaaa~ touching!!
i usually cant sleep properly for a few days before my result, no matter what kind of exams haha

btw happy belated birthday to ur dad :D