Synonym (according to Microsoft Word):
He had too much time in his hands, I told myself. Or he was just boring. Or he was just being friendly.
I tried to be not prejudice.
But when I heard the beeping sound of my cellphone, I just couldn't brush off my negative thoughts.
Assalamualaikum. Selamat Malam, Sha. Buat apa tu?
I was silent for a moment. My options were either to reply or not to reply. But both have implications:
It means that I'm digging my own grave. Replying a message from someone else's husband is not good. Especially when the title is Miss in front of your name. Why? Because people won't blame that someone else's husband. People will say, "gatalnya budak perempuan tu, kacau laki orang." In the end, it's going to be MY reputation which is going to be ruined.
Not to reply
It is against my nature of being one friendly and chatty creature in this world. The person hasn't done anything to suggest that anything will happen. It might be that I'm the person who is uncomfortable with something which is not necessarily going to happen.
So, to reply or not to reply?
My stubborn, principled mind said,
"Reply as a friend."
So, I replied,
"Salam.Selamat Malam. Nak tido nieh."
Then I sent the message.
Another beeping sound,
"Saya call Sha boleh?"
And I replied,
"Pentingkah? Tak eloklah begitu. Cakap saja."
The phone was beeping again,
Suddenly my phone rang. It was him. I pressed the green button on my phone.
Him: Assalamualaikum Sha...
Him: Maaf mengganggu.
Me: Tak apa. Pentingkah?
Him: Saya cuma tak ada kawan nak bercakap.
Me: Hoh? Isteri?
Him: Dia tak ada.
Me: Jadi awak call saya?
Me: Jangan begitu. Tak manis. Nanti apa dia kata?
Him: Maaf mengganggu Sha.
Me: Sudah mahu tidur. Maaf.
Him: Tak apalah. Take Care, Sha.
Me: Awak pun.
I replied and put the phone beneath my pillow. Scared? I was. Thinking of the misdemeanor that I have done made me silent. They just got married last year. What happened?
I rested my head and snored. But I woke up again at 3am, thinking that things happened before I slept should've not happened.
I shrugged it off the moment I hugged my bolster.
Couple of weeks after:
I saw him in Pasar Malam...
Me: Hai! Eh...beli apa tu?
Him: Ni...nasi campur.
Me: Oooh...beli bungkus makan berdua.
He looked at me with pain in his eyes.
Him: Tak...saya makan sorang...
I suddenly felt guilty.
I saw him in a restaurant...
Him: Jemput makan, Sha?
Me: Tak apa. Sha makan dengan adik Sha.
He gave me a bitter smile.
Me: Banyaknya nasi. Lapar?
Him: Ya. Tak payah makan malam lepas ni.
Me: Isteri bekerja ya?
Him: Entahlah Sha...
When he was feeding himself, I couldn't help looking into his thin features; thinking why was he always alone.
He sms me again...
Me: Awak berani ya, masih sms Sha walau sudah beristeri?
Him: Dia tak tahu.
Me: Kalau dia tahu macam mana?
Him: Dia tak pernah kisah.
Me: Hari minggu. Tak bawa dia berjalan?
Him: Dia ke Kuala Lumpur, dengan kawan-kawan.
Me: Awak tak ikut?
Him: Dia tak perlukan saya...
Me: Hish, jangan cakap begitu!
Him: Dia tak pernah ada...
Me: Awak perlu pujuk dia.
Him: Siapa mahu pujuk saya?
I was silent. Then I stopped replying the message. I still have the image of him in baju Melayu, shaking the Tok Kadi's hand. It was not yet a year and he was saying that.
I told myself, "Men...they will create excuses. Don't buy it." Just avoid the misdemeanor, Sha!
One day, I saw his car nearby - WTF 2798.
A sweet lady in her early twenties came out of the car. She was wearing a pink tank top and three quarter jeans. Her body was curvy - it was small and big at the right place, flat where it should be and bouncy where it should be as well. For me, it was perfect. A twinge of sadness filled the empty space in my heart. If only I have THAT body.
Her lips were pink, she was fair and her skin was flawless. Her nice hair tied with pink ribbons. The angelic face could certainly made a man forget about so many things. She was damn beautiful and I was about to come to her to pass the compliment. But I didn't want her to think that I was crazy. A woman is passing a compliment to another woman about her beauty? She might think that I'm a lesbian. No!
Then I heard her giggles. A guy in his mid-twenties was approaching her, smiling wickedly while resting his hand on her shoulder. He said something and she slapped his shoulders before caressing his cheeks. Then he leaned close to her while she leaned her back on the car.
I became a distracted and confused at the same time.
"Sha..." I heard a voice behind me.
Then I saw him. Behind the cool, smiling face, I could see red flames crept up the collar.
"Hai awak...makan sini ke?" I asked dumbly.
"Sha okay hari ni?" he asked while looking intently into my eyes. I took away my gaze from his handsome face; thinking that I shouldn't stare at him.
"Okay..." I said while looking at the ground.
"Dah makan?" his voice was soothing.
"Dah," I said curtly while trying to look to the front. The girl was still giggling.
"Tunggu siapa?" he asked again.
"Kawan," the reply was simple.
"Awak takut nak jawab soalan saya?"
"Kenapa banyak diam sekarang?" he asked.
"Tuuuu...dah sampai," I pointed at the girl.
His expression changed. Then he smiled bitterly.
"Dia tak kisah. Tak pernah," his voice was almost a whisper.
"Tapi tak elok kan awak dok bercakap dengan saya depan dia," I said.
His eyes were dark with mystery. Yes, sad eyes. But I knew I shouldn't show my compassion.
"Jaga diri, Sha..." he said slowly.
I looked at where he was going. He walked to WTF with the same expression. The girl pinched the other guy for the last time. When the other guy saw him, he quickly walked away. The girl was still looking flirtatiously at the other guy when he opened the door for her.
He looked at her with a murderous expression. She looked as if she didn't care.
While I walked to the bank nearby, I saw him again. He bought a pound of bread from 7 Eleven. When he looked at me, he lifted the bread with a frustrating look. He entered the car and I heard the fight.
Both of them were shouting and screaming towards each other.
The car left the place. Speeding.
Him: Thanks Sha...
Him: Awak kawan yang baik, tak pernah mengkhianati...
Him: Saya rasa dia cemburukan awak...
I smiled at my phone. He got his wife back.
And a beautiful lady is jealous with the fat me.
But my smile wavered a bit.
Should it happened that way even when you're married?
The misdemeanor of a wife has been replaced by a jealousy?
p/s: Why am i having this imagination of tuberose (bunga harum sundal malam) when I'm typing this posting? Err...scary!