sha: men cried for me

We're not the best example of love. I admit that.

Man #1

Few days before it happened, I cried in my sleep. My body temperature was feverish. I couldn't eat or talk. The only activity I knew was how to drag myself into the misery by sleeping.

Yes, I was scared. I was scared of the possibilities. He had such high expectation and believed that I could reach the star by crossing all the hurdles. He thought I was strong. He said,

"Behave like a child and I'll treat you like one. If you want me to treat you like an adult, then behave like one."

I wanted to be an adult so badly. I wanted to be respected. But for that occassion, I failed miserably. My limbs were too weak to move. My lips were to heavy to form any words. And my eyes were too hardworking to cry. He didn't care. He pretended that my emotions were just temporary.

Yes, he was the man of my life. But he didn't really care. No sweet words of comfort. Just a squeeze on my shoulder to tell me that I was going to be okay.

Man #2

He was conventional. A typical man who knew to assure by only saying,

"Esok elok tu."

He walked to my house everyday just to check on my condition. He worried himself and sat on the prayer mat for hours;assuring me that was the only way on how to remedy my problem. He scolded me for crying; yet he checked the time I had my meal and the amount consumed each day.

Yes, he was the most caring person alive. Too bad, he didn't know how to show it. But his confidence was marvelous. I had a hell of time but he said it was just temporary. He said, after I was done with crying, I would definitely laugh loudly as I usually did.

The day

I cried. I said I didn't want to go to school. I wanted things to be perfect, I feared that the day would spoil my record of happiness and contribution. I didn't take my breakfast and I vomitted the full content of my stomach.

I was too nervous.

Both men said,

"Elok nanti tu."

I cried.

They said something else.

I cried again.

They kept their silence.

I cried non-stop.

One drove me to the school which situated outside the state.

One stayed at home.

One carried me to sign on the result papers.

One prayed silently while waited anxiously at home.

Both played their parts in the ways they knew how.

12.30pm, Year 1997, the teacher said this to Man #1, "Tahniah!"

I cried uncontrollably. He had tears in his eyes while he was carrying me. But I knew he resumed to shed his tears afterwards, when he thought there was nobody watching him:)

When I reached home, the older man ran to the gate and hugged me. His body shook with joy while his tears drenched on my shoulders. He said,

"I knew it!"

Two tough men cried on the same day for me.

That was the day I received my PMR results:)

Man #2 was the older man. He left me with love few months before I marched on the stage to receive my degree. He did not make it to the ceremony.

He was my late grandfather.

Man #1 came to my graduation day. He is celebrating his 51st birthday tommorrow.

On a Christmas day.

Happy birthday, ayah.

The day I received my PMR result, he gave me one gift: CONFIDENCE.

Atuk gave me that too.

Two men cried because they believed in me.

Hopefully three years after this ayah will be coming to my Master's Degree graduation.

I'll give him another gift:)

*** Congratulations to this year's PMR candidates***

p/s: He is asking for grandchildren!!!!

* this is a scheduled posting as I'm moving house and waiting for streamyx to connect the internet to my new home. Sorry...I can't visit your blog as yet.

sha: beeless bee orchid

Beeless bee orchid
Originally uploaded by thomsonalasdair

* this is a scheduled posting as I'm moving house and waiting for streamyx to connect the internet to my new home. Sorry...I can't visit your blog as yet.

I'm thinking about what do I want to write for Friday. Then I remember the posting by Yanie Putrajaya about a message she received from a friend's wife who was under the impression that she was "the other girl".

When I wanted to name my posting, I wanted to name it, "blame it on bee or orchid?" So, I searched a picture of a bee and a beautiful flower in flickr. Since I love orchid, I searched for the keyword "bee orchid". The search went on and I found a picture of an orchid by the name of Bee Orchid, whereby the orchid looks like a bee:)

Reading Yanie's posting has made me think about my own theory:

When a wife or girlfriend is having an instinct that the partner is having someone else, the wife or girlfriend will ask for the truth from the other woman. Not the husband. Not the boyfriend.

I wonder why.

Sometimes, this kind of investigation will lead to embarassment:)

I heard stories of people around me and in Yanie's case, the woman did the same thing. Except that when she knew the real story, that was when she was nice to Yanie. Well, at least the woman was nice. Less people do, right?

You put the blame on the flower. Are all flowers the beeless bee orchid? :)

Sometimes our investigations are not accurate. When you click the button search, ypu have options. For example, I tried to find a picture of a bee and an orchid but I found a compressed picture of both. Assumption is not always a good thing.

I heard this,

"Aku tanya perempuan tuh kenapa dia mengorat laki aku?!"

But I rarely heard this,

"Aku tanya laki aku kenapa dia nak kat pompuan tu?"

When my ex-boyfriend, Mr. Ganu cheated on me, I asked him. Not the woman.

My questions to you folks,

a) Will you ask you partner or will you ask the other woman?

b) If you're a man, do you want your partner to ask you or that woman?

sha: i can't lie. you're not wagashi

Wagashi for the Japanese Doll Festival (Hina-matsuri), originally uploaded by bananagranola.

I have a problem.

My posting is going to be short.

That's one problem.

I have another problem.

I can't visit any blogs today.

Why?

I have to do things and go somewhere.

So, I can't sit all day and watch blog updates.

Lastly, I have another problem.

I can't lie about one thing.

What is it?

I can't say, "Sweetnye!!!!" to those blogs.

Which blogs?

Other blogs.

Might not be yours but someone's.

The same picture.

Different angle.

Different clothes.

Different style.

But same participants.

A picture of a couple.

With the story of the boyfriend.

Everyday.

Everyday.

Everyday!!!

Now that I got to know too many things about the boyfriend.

I should rest.

I'm tired.

I can't say, "Sweetnyeee!!! Macam wagashi!" anymore.

I can't lie on my comments.

That's not good.

I don't want to eat haram Nuffnang money!

I'm tired.

Please.

You can show your boyfriend's picture.

But I won't come.

I won't comment.

I don't want to lie.

I'm tired....

Hohhh....hoohhhh....hohhhh....

Water please!!!!

* this is a scheduled posting as I'm moving house and waiting for streamyx to connect the internet to my new home. Sorry...I can't visit your blog as yet.

sha: i'm going to miss them..terribly!

* this is a scheduled posting as I'm moving house and waiting for streamyx to connect the internet to my new home. Sorry...I can't visit your blog as yet.

We're moving house soon and I just realised there are so many things to be missed!!! Today, I'm going to tell you stories. But I'm going to use pictures, so bear with me:)

There are three kittens in this picture but I focused on him. Do you want to know why? This is because I found him first. My one and only cat is my Fernando a.k.a Bulu. But he was not this small when we bought him. So, I was surprised to hear a tiny meowing sound near my window while I was blogging. When I checked my garden, I saw three kittens in my planter's box! It was raining, so I had quickly took some old clothes in my closet and put them in Bulu's cage. They were shaky and weak so I have decided to find their mum so that she could gave them some milk. Their mother is Putih, the stray cat who dared to seduced Fernando. Based on history, none of her kittens survived if we followed her way (because we found dead kittens in the drain and so on!). So we had to save these cute ones!!!

When I found them, they were just few days old. It has been almost a month and they can now walk and run. They are noisy too! It is sad to say that we're not bringing them to our new home, so these cute ones will be given to our neighbour, Ustazah.

I'm a saviour, at least once before I'm leaving our house. They are not mine but taking care of them; even for a short while, will certainly make me miss them:(

This is a part of my room. I painted my room this colour though it was not my favourite. However, I liked my room after I painted it (with my father and brothers until late at night). I remember the time when my father scolded me because I did not managed to put the small border straight enough. This picture was taken before I put the books in boxes. I'm going to get a new book shelf but I'm definitely going to miss this cheap bookshelf that I bought myself. I'm going to miss this messy room - the place which kept most of my secrets. Welcome to the white room, Sha. Sob...sob...can I take this room and bring it to my new house?!!!

This is one of the plants that we have planted on the ground instead of in a pot. This plant has gone through so many obstacles and I thought it won't bloom. But, it did. A week before we started to pack our stuff, I took this picture and uploaded it into my flickr's account. Don't you think it's amazing? The retail price is RM35 per plant. I wonder what is going to happen to it when we're not around. Not everyone likes flowers:(

My kenanga. I searched for the English name but I couldn't find it. I was in love with Kenanga since I was in Girl Guide. Since then, I always wanted to plant my own kenanga. One day, I saw the plant in Pasar Tani. I had no car yet at that time, so I carried this kenanga to the commuter station and travelled with it. Everyone (especially the Indonesian) looked at me as if I was the lower class citizen in this country. But I made it. I planted the kenanga tree in middle of the flower bed.

However, a huge branch fell on kenanga on one rainy day. The tree was damaged but after several months, it started to bloom. I loved to be in the garden when it was windy. The smell was awesome! But, we planted this plant on the ground and there was a school gardener who was so intrested in this plant. So, he dug the ground and planted the plant in the school where he is working right now. This picture was taken before it happened. Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.....this was a reminder of good old days!!!

This is a bougainvillea in my favourite colour. It belonged to my late grandfather. When he passed away, I saw this plant in his garden and it was almost dead. So, I brought it home and dug the hard ground in the rain to plant it. This plant is huge now and it can't stop blooming. This is one of the things which reminds me of my late grandfather. Now, I have to leave it here, hoping that the next tenant will appreciate it. But less people do...I'm worried.

It took a while for us to get used of staying in the suburb but this was one of the good things: a fresh supply of coconuts. After this. we will buy grated coconut or coconut milk from the store. No more fresh coconut for our favourite gulai. Hmmmm....no more authentic stuff!

This is Alamanda. I used to talk to the plant A LOT~! (not the way Pocket was describing it in his post, though). The plant was a gift from Ustazah Sufiah to my ibu. They had both planted the same plant but ours were not blooming. I used to stand next to the plant and said, "Nak apa lagi? Dah baja...dah siram...dah jaga. Kenapa tak berbunga?!" That was the case until last week before we packed our stuff. Suddenly, big orange flowers bloomed at almost all the shoots it had. Oh great....Thanks, Alamanda. I hope the next tenant will be patient;)

My activity in the morning was to sweep the dry leaves. After this, no more activity like this. I'm going to be bored. The town is hot:(

This is my rake. It's pink. Well, look at the owner la kan?:)

Sekian dahulu cerita saya.

Do you want me to keep blogging like this, folks?:P

chrysanthemum story: resumed on cruise?

Malacca River Cruise By Night
Originally uploaded by Tianyake

* this is a scheduled posting as I'm moving house and waiting for streamyx to connect the internet to my new home. Sorry...I can't visit your blog as yet.

MizzAmy put a comment on my posting:

sha: oranges...and a boyfriend part 2

"...i just wonder, apa yg berlaku seterusnya. ada sambungan ke tak?"

Well, I am continuing that story today.

To those who have been reading this blog for quite sometime, you knew the 20 series of posting called The Chrysanthemum Story. It was a conversation between me and my ex-boyfriend, Sepet. And there was this recall of memories in sha: you've got a way.

Yes, we broke up. We created wonderful memories together then we went separate ways. Though it was hard because we worked in the same building:(

But we remained friends. I mean, when we first called it off, it was hard to even look at each other without recalling the bitter feelings inside. Eventually, as we bumped into each other several times - we started to say hi and acknowledged each other. Then, we became friends. Just friends.

It was my last day at work when I put up the courage to bid him goodbye. I resigned - and we came into more friendly terms after I left the building.

One day, he paid a visit to me in Seremban. For the first time in years, we talked about the relationship - we cried, we laughed, we soothed each other and we said goodbye again. After that long discussion of spilled anger and pain, we finally called it a final curtain.

But he asked me to give him some time.

I knew that the time would never come.

We continued to be friends. Though it was hard to discuss about the "other people" in our lives, we still tried - knowing that friends are supposed to act like friends. But honestly, I hated it when he talked about other girls. And from my observation, a high degree of temper would be turned on if I was telling him about other men.

Perhaps, that was the reason why ex-partners can't be friends after they break up.

I heard Pakai Buang beating my eardrums at 2a.m. I was sleeping.

Him: I have been thinking...

Me: Hmmmmm...? (I asked sleepily)

Him: Kadang I teringat, tapi I tak call...

Me: Why?

Him: Ego. I don't want you to know how I feel.

Me: You and your ego...is that why you're calling me?

Him: Tak.

Me: Habis?

Him: I asyik ingat you, Sha.

Me: Hah? Hahahahahahaha...(I laughed cynically)

Him: I hurt you. I know. But I need you to hear me out. Please.

Me: We talked about this . I don't want to talk about it again.

Yeah, right! After that I couldn't sleep and we talked through the night. The next day we talked again. Yes, you might be thinking that I am stupid because we're still talking. Less people talk to their ex calmly. But I did.

History was a history. We should deal with the present and future.

So, I listened.

And I talked.

He is now 34 years old.

I am now 27 years old.

Three years has passed.

Hopefully our ages play the part.

*****

December 5, 2009

River Cruise, Malacca

Baby let's cruise, away from here

Don't be confused, the way is clear

& if you want it you got it forever

This is not a one night stand, baby, yeah

- Cruisin' by Gwyneth Paltrow and Huey Lewis

Vomitting was not a problem. The air was windy. We had a nice dinner of Asam Pedas Ikan Pari, Telur Masin, Ulam, Sambal Belacan, Otak-otak, and Satay. We wanted to make it a pure Malacca visit. Family, friends, and us.

The sound of Dondang Sayang filled our ears. I smiled with my camera in my hands as I enjoyed the scenery. I had always been in love with Malacca. Ever since they have the River Cruise, I fell in love with Malacca several times - more than I could have ever imagined.

We were silent at first. We looked ahead and amazed ourselves with the glittering lights and beautiful building. Then we exhanged smiles. I noticed his expression every time I showed mine. It was delightful. Everytime I grinned happily at something, he grinned too. I was like a child, who did not conceal my expression. My small eyes widened as I saw something nice. I laughed when I felt like laughing. He couldn't take his eyes off me. And he became a child himself! We were enjoying our boat ride together. After a while we started to point on stuff we liked and said- "Huiiyoo...you tengok tu, best tak?"

After three years of separation - I was being very careful. Yes, I don't want anyone to take advantage of my feelings anymore. I must be very sure before I'm doing anything.

Yes, there were times when I forgot that we are no longer a couple. Just friends who were enjoying our weekend together (with his sister around too!).

We reached the site where we could see a blue Ferris wheel - Eyes on Malacca from the boat. I couldn't hide my excitement. I grinned from ear to ear. I snapped as much picture as I could. My mouth were gaping with awe. I was like a small child who found her toys!

Him: Awak memang suka benda tu kan?

I looked at him. Somehow I just remember my schedule posting: oranges...and a boyfriend part 2. Co-incidence? Wowww...I didn't expect we would see another ferris wheel after I scheduled my posting! Seriously!

Me: Yup...(I smiled. He smiled back)

Him: I don't want to be angry anymore. I just want to make you happy this time.

Me: I can't talk about this. Please.

Him: You have been sad for the past three years. I know I hurt you.

Me: (silent)

We were silent again and then we continued with the enjoyable cruise. When we were about the reach our destination, I could see the nice Eyes on Malaysia.

Me: I nak sangat naik tu...

Him: Macam best kan?

Me: You bukan takut naik ferris wheel?

Him: Yes, but I can handle it this time.

Me: It's going to be a ride.

Him: I know.

Me: Are you okay with the ride?

Him: I know I will.

His gaze was intent. I was unsure whether we talked the same language. I was talking about the sight of Ferris wheel while we were enjoying a boat ride. He was talking about something other than that. But we didn't make any love confessions. Just a sweet memory of having each other's company.

Yes, no love words. Definitely.

While he was playing tennis with my brothers for the second weekend last Saturday, I was watching him. Will someone else be able to do what he was doing with my brothers? They certainly looked comfortable with him. They laughed together, they learned from him, he gave my brother his socks to wear. They teased me together!

And when my brothers were dwelling with their rackets or shoes, he casted glances over the court and sent warmth smiles. To me.

After the second date, he asked,

"Are you happy these days?"

I kept my mouth shut and wanted to change the topic.

He continued:

"I don't want you to be sad anymore. Three years is what I have to make up for. I want us to work out. "

Silent from my end.

Sha is having an issue.

This time, it's not a fantasy or imagination. No Jack Bass.

She is having this spell again. Luckily she's elder and calmer now.

How long are we going to dance this time, dear?

Let the music take your mind, ooh

Just release & you will find

You're gonna fly away

Glad you're goin' my way

I love it when we're cruisin' together

The music is played for love,

Cruisin' is made for love

I love it when we're cruisin' together

This is the story of me and Sepet.

Three dates with my ex.

Can't believe I did it.

I need advices!!!!

sha: i'm not a frog, sedapnya!

Flowers & Plants
Originally uploaded by Yasmin & Arye Photographers

* this is a scheduled posting as I'm moving house and waiting for streamyx to connect the internet to my new home. Sorry...I can't visit your blog as yet.

No...no...this is not a love story about charming prince called Jack. No...no...he is not trying to save Princess Sha from anything. No...no...they are still in love, no breakups. The media is just trying to sell their papers. Jack and Sha will never be apart. Konon!!!

I had this urge of calling Iza~de~bintang or any other bloggers in Seremban to watch Princess and a Frog with me, but my time is quite limited these days. So, I'm sorry if I haven't been visiting your blogs that much. I'm going to have lots of changes after this; we're moving house, I'm settling my plans on the job and study, and I'm giving a chance for someone to date me.

So, there are lots of things to be done:)

I'm so sorry if the hopping activity is not priority right now. But I'll try my best.

Since we are talking about hopping, I would like to ask you these questions:

Why are you here?

Are you reading my blog?

How well are you reading it?

Wow..that's quite straight-forward, don't you think? Some might say that I'm rude;)

I would like to tell you that I'm honoured with your presence. This is because I consider my blog as my garden - sometimes I plant some good veggies for you to digest, sometimes I plant scented flowers for you to inhale. It is just like Farmtown or Farmville; where you can always change your crops everytime you plow and buy the seeds. I hope I will be able to produce abundant of crops over here but I'm sorry if my postings are too long. You might get bored or disgusted:)

Either way, I consider the butterflies and bees which are coming over as a bonus, considering that I love to have insects suckling the honey on my postings. It helps the pollination (pendebungaan!)

But I am having problems with HER recently. I'm seeing a female frog, hopping around the bushes of blogs while leaving some pooh on the flowers.

Is it because she is so hungry for bugs and insects - she just can't resist the temptation of hopping on the blooming colours?

My flowers, vegetables and spices deliveries are interrupted as I bumped into this particular frog.

Okay...I'll go straight to the point.

I am this type of blogger who will read the other comments before commenting. And I'm this type of person who will read your comments on my blogs and will reply questions with post, and not another comment. For example, I have taken your comments for my posting in November - the month of Orkid's Cafe. You give me the name of the dish - I'll write something about it. That is my way.

What are the importance of comments?

If it is my blog that you're viewing, your comments are important for me to improve my skills of writing and blogging. Furthermore, blog readers are my inspiration.

If it is your blog that I'm viewing, I'll try to comment with my best ability so that you will know that I'm reading each line and words.

Though I have to admit that I failed in certain blogs - it was either I was speechless or I didn't hit the right spot. Take Fatt Chin Choy's blog for instant. I will check his blog again after few days so that I can read his comments on my comments. Or...Cik Gula-Gula's blog which is filled with pictures - I am too infatuated until I can only jot few word on the comment box. Or cikintan's blog - which explained things about her boyfriend in detail. There are times when my comments are too short though I'm the type who talks a lot.

In the process of visiting and commenting, I have bumped into one particular blogger several times in other people's blog. Then I saw her in my blog twice. I was this type of person who was trying to please visitors - because I knew they were coming because they needed a re-visit. That was one particular part that I have to be a bit understanding since bloggers were having Nuffnang these days (though I don't really care about MY Nuffnang). So, each time she visited my blog, I would revisit hers.

However, after bumping into her several times and receiving her comments two times, I started to feel annoyed with her presence. I'm now perceiving her as a frog. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude...but a metaphor is a metaphor.

I saw people wrote about their days with friends and family with pictures of food - she commented on the food - "sedapnya!".

I saw people wrote about religion - she commented on the picture of a fountain pasted on the blog.

I saw people wrote about current issues - she commented "ish...ish...ish..." only.

I saw people wrote about death - she commented "wow!"

I saw people wrote about Project Alpha prizes - she wanted to join the celebration:P

I saw people wrote about newspaper - she commented on dictionary.

I saw my crush wrote about Papadom - she commented "I like you!"

Oh, that last part made me on fire. Sorry babe, that was war!

Sorry Pocket, I'm jealous:(

And when she came to my blog...

I wrote about my crush named Garfield and she commented on apple!

Here I am...targeting the cannons when I think it is too much:)

She appeared to be insane because she was off the topic all the time. Poor girl, she has such a beautiful face yet she doesn't learn how to appreciate. I mean, what she was doing was none of my business, but when she commented on something else when someone passed away - well, that was too much! Luckily I didn't collect the evidence and pasted it here to humiliate her ! Otherwise, she'll get an extra publicity and I know she'll love it.

Her comments will never be more than a sentence. It is not more than five words.Woowwwww....dang it...I don't know people are that crazy for popularity and Nuffnang money. They rather look stupid as long as they are rich.

What she is doing right now is exactly what an anonymous is doing to our blogs - either sending a bad comment or promoting products in the comment column. Nevertheless, she is worst. When she is being a blogger, she should be more understanding and sensitive, is that right?

So, what do I do about it?

IGNORANCE IS MY POLICY.

As I said, what she is doing is none of my business. But, if she comes here and she does it to my blog (again!), I'll keep her comments. That will be a reminder on how "smart" she is and a reminder to myself to read other people's effort carefully or do not comment at all. After that, I'll leave her comments as they are without returning the visit.

Sorry girl, in this world you have to work hard to earn. You claim to be a university student in that prestigious university? So be it. Prove it. I disrespect a degree without using your brain and talent. I believe she has more vocab beside "sedapnya!" That's not a skill. Or is it a skill? If you ask me, the word "sedapnya" is a good way of promoting yourself, dear. Try googling - you'll find yourself among that obscene spots of dirty stories:)

Oh, I forgot. You want to be famous, don't you?

A posting is an effort of a blogger - too bad you don't know how to appreciate things at such a young age. Your comments at those precious postings were annoying. I think you have forgotten that typing can be tiring and uploading pictures are painstaking. Please don't be artless, darling. Bloggers are creative people in different ways but apparently your art of commenting is preciously ridiculous.

5 words? A sentence? Woww...congratulations to your future husband. That is economy! Hehehehe...

Smart girl...very...very...very...pretty:)

A frog is not a charming animal, but since you love to lure other people with your short, meaningless comments - well, all the best! For all you know, I'm not contributing to your Nuffnang money:) But then again, I won't give the pleasure on advertising your blog. Not here, at least. Not in my blog.

I don't care about what the girl wrote in her blog but I do care about what she wrote in mine;)

This is not to brush the comments away.

This is a reminder to myself.

So, far the other readers of this blog has been awesome!

Keep up the good work - because I'm learning to be appreciative from you.

LP Lum, Pocket, Cik Qemm, MizzAmy, Kak Tie, Kak Azz, Dee, Shasha, Kujie, Iza~de~bintang, manje, pakcikdot, Fatt Chin Choy, ashley, ashie, mier@merr, MrMrsFaiz, Ili, Yunus Badawi, zino, Hana-Chan, Jasnia and others (please raise your hand if I'm not mentioning you!). You guys are great...great people:)

I'm putting a picture of an apple over here instead of a frog. I mean, a frog is an ugly jumping amphibian. So, I'll put a pictue of an apple instead. A frog is green and same goes to an apple. Besides, writing something which is off the topic or paste an unnecessary picture is a trend. I should follow the trend, don't you think?

sha: telur orang kahwin

Bunga Telur
Originally uploaded by quillbearer

The memory of my late grandfather has always been about how he mentioned certain things. For example, he called his torchlight "celait". I always thought that he didn't know how to speak proper English. He just simply wanted to tease. He knew. I heard him. And he was much better than me!

I called it bunga telur. He called it something else. No bunga. It was "telur orang kahwin" or directly translated as groom's egg.

I laughed at this once. If I'm saying Telur Orang Kahwin with a reverse mind, definitely I'm thinking of something else, don't you think?

December is a wedding month. Where bunga telur or what I called as telur orang kahwin is available in almost all wedding. I know people give away cakes,candies and pot pouris these days but for me, giving away eggs is a classic act, and I like the classics:)

I always wanted the simplest stuff. I had seriously told ibu that I only wanted an egg in an origami serviette if I'm getting married. (I have dreams too, you know).

Do you know that during the old days they folded serviette to make it a basket for the egg? They just used the cheap pink colour serviette.

My ibu thought that it was just a joke. It was not. Nowadays we have colourful serviettes:)

Well, I just want to be happy. That's all. I don't need fancy bunga telur. Though I hope I know how to make telur pindang like the one I ate in Johor. I heard it is so difficult to make, because if I don't do it correctly then the eggs will become bitter. Bitter telur orang kahwin? No, that's not a good idea:)

Or telur masin orang kahwin?

Yikeeeesss....that sounds...errrr....

Talk about reverse mind now.

Thinking about flower and telur is making me grin. Oh Sha...you're so dirty minded! Yet you're not married. Wajib dah!!!!

Are you going to any wedding?

What is the colour of telur orang kahwin today?

* I accidentally published this earlier. So, here you go...republishing!!!:)

tag & awards: ashie and toma forever

Picture: My son, Fernando "Bulu" Torres

This is what I got from ashie after commenting on her blog (she put Toma's name in there and she tagged him!). Who is Toma? Toma is ashie's Jack Bass. Who is Jack Bass? Well, sorry if you haven't read my blog before this. Jack is my man:)

These are my answers to the questions. Please, Sha can still understand Malay. To those who have been criticizing this blog's language, kindly read this posting. This tag is in Malay:)

4 perkara dalam kepala anda :
1.bulu
2.blog
3.study
4.kerja


4 perkara yang anda buat jika bosan diwaktu cuti
1.baca buku
2.tengok Asian Food Channel
3.taip posting dan simpan dalam peti
4.peluk cium bulu berkali-kali

4 makanan kegemaran anda
1.yakitori
2.sukiyaki
3.okonomiyaki
4.unagi kabayaki

* Pocket, sila gelak puas-puas:P

4 lagu menjadi kegemaran anda sekarang?
1. Taking Back My Love - Enrique feat. Ciara
2. Eh Eh Cherry Cherry Boom Boom - Lady GaGa
3. Party in USA - Miley Cyrus
4. Goldigger - Kanye West feat. Jamie Foxx

4 benda yang anda sayang
1. bulu
2. blog
3. breast
4. boyfriend...(yeah, right!). Bass...definitely Jack Bass:P

perkara terbaik terbaru yang berlaku kepada anda
(satu ke 4?)
peluang melanjutkan pelajaran:)

perkara terburuk terbaru yang berlaku kepada anda
takde duit

anda sedang ??
tgk man vs. food dan iron chef secara bergilir-gilir. bibir terkumat-kamit menyebut "ashie...ashie....ashie..." sambil jari mengelus keyboard yang keras.

4 tempat perlancongan yang bakal anda pergi?
1. New York - kena teman Jack melawat Bass Industries
2. Australia - tinggal di istana Jack dan main dengan dolphin (uik...bunyi lucah betul)
3. Japan - nikah bawah pokok sakura dengan Jack
4. Scotland - honeymoon dengan Jack sambil tangan memintal2 skirt...eh...Scottish quilt:P

anda ??
seorang yang mempunya ikan buntal sebagai kembar:)

4 orang yang ingin kamu tagged?
1. mier@merr
2. a.z.r.i.n.a
3. Kak Azz
4. LP Lum

* bukan taknak tag org lain, tp teringin sangat nak tgk jawapan 4 orang nieh:)

sha: my love box is a pandora's box?

Box of Love.

Originally uploaded by _Nia_

Love is such a scary thing. When you're in love, you tend to do silly things. But no matter how silly they are, you just don't care. For the sake of you loved one, you would do just about anything just to make that particular person happy with you. You want to make the person impress with you and be proud of having you at his side. I guess, that is my principle when I'm in love. Stupid and scary isn't it?

Guess what? The person I am in love with is YOU.

Things are scary because they are risky. I never thought that I will be in love again. I have been declining you a lot. For me, LOVE IS SCARY. So, I don't want to venture the territory I have left almost a year ago. Life is hard. Love is scary. I led a hard life. Do I want to have a scary life as well? Of course not. I don't want to have these two things in my life at the same time. But you kept on reassuring me that things will be okay. I hope you know what you're saying, my love. I really hope you do.

Regardless what I said, loving you is the best feeling so far. Despite my uncertainty. thinking of you has made me very happy. I'm smiling at last! Can you believe it? And I'm smiling because of you. Thanks, darling. Thanks for coming into my life.

Chocolate said to lollipop

You're damn sweet

Not as sweet as the person reading this

Your smile makes me flat

Your talk makes me glad

Your company makes me mad

But your absence makes me sad

I love you,

---Sha---

This was the romantic Sha who wrote a note which was not delivered three years ago. I found my notebook in a Secret Recipe's cake box when I was cleaning up my room. Yes, we're moving house very soon. I might stop blogging for a while or schedule my postings. Either way, there won't be any blog visiting. That is still under consideration.

(please tell me, which one do you prefer?)

Apparently, that particular Secret Recipe cake box was my love box. I sealed it the moment I broke up with Sepet - thinking that I would forget where things are. But, I found it after three years and I have mixed feelings right now.

My boyfriend in college, Mr. Ganu, got married last year - so all his gifts and pictures are now in the garbage bag. It is due to be be thrown out next week because I'm still sorting things. Furthermore, looking at his pictures makes me feel silly. I got no taste. Hahahahaa...

Sepet is not married. And I'm still hesitating on throwing things which are related to him.

Darn.

Dang.

Darn.

This posting is my 200th posting this year. Pocket, I managed to catch up at last:)

Last night, while I was thinking about what will I say about my 200th posting, someone said this,

"Give me the link. I want to read what you wrote about us."

Aaahhh...after three years of ignoring my blog and paid no attention to it.

Am I ready? Are you reading?

"In Greek mythology, Pandora's box is the large jar(πιθος pithos) carried by Pandora (Πανδώρα) that unleashed many terrible things on mankind – ills, toils and sickness – and hope.[1]."

-wikipedia on Pandora's box

I just opened my Love Box.

Is it a Pandora Box?

Somehow this Love Box is a reminder of old days. How I used to be. You can't run away from past. But you can't live in it forever.

Off you go Love Box.

I'll get a new one:)

sha: the colour of your blog

Please don't take photos of me! I'm purple and I'm shy!
Originally uploaded by Honey Pie!

12 a.m, 31st October 2009

It's raining when I'm writing this. I had already scheduled my posting for tonight, I wrote a bit about Jack Bass and showed a clip of his pictures. Oooo...sorry. I'm going crazy these days. I hope you don't mind. I have reasons for this;)

I know it looks silly. Putting his pictures, the clips of him. I mean, I know he is just a character and he is not real, but I don't know why am I feeling this secondary school's excitement when I'm seeing him. He is...hmm...he swept me off my feet the moment I saw him in the tv;)

Talking about this secondary school's excitement, I found a small card while I was going through my old letter boxes. When e-mail was not popular, my friends used to send me letters because I was staying in the hostel. I even received letters and cards from my friends in the same school which I kept in shoe boxes.

The card was made of dried flowers. I can't remember who gave this to me but it says,

"Life has a way of colouring your way of living but it's you who chooses the colour."

Okay, I don't want to go all serious about this quote so I changed it,

"A blog has a way of colouring your way of living but it's you who chooses the colour."

My questions would be:

a) What is your favourite colour?

b) Are you using your favourite colour for you blog?

My answer (before I'm asking you to reply):

a) What is your favourite colour?

Purple

b) Are you using your favourite colour for you blog?

Yes - for the font.

Happy weekend, everyone.

p/s: my junior, Pink commented the link of yesterday's posting in my Facebook. She said:

"ceri...u talk about me...hehehe...about us..."

sha: cherry cherry boom boom

_1_26

Originally uploaded by Yasmin & Arye Photographers

I started blogging in 2004. Prior to blogging, I was active in forums. Well, the name cheryna has a long story to tell.

When I joined forum, I was a sophomore who spent her time in the computer lab. I have friends and I had lots of activities but somehow being in front of the PC was my favourite.

There I was...looking at that yellow coloured screen while replying the topics in the forum. It was more like putting comments on other people's blog but with speed and relevancy. I mean, not reading the question may cause you the embarassment - either you will be laughed at by another forum member or you will be scolded by a moderator.

This is totally contradicting to blogging, don't you think? The ones who are after Nuffnang money will never think about that. I was talking about Garfield when someone talked about an apple:P

I was this kind of person who speak out my mind. So, whenever there was a question raised, I would just typed whatever I thought would be appropriate. When my comment reached hundreds, I was just a newbie and I felt a bit welcomed. Then, after it hit a thousand, the name cheryna turned to chery and chery was my name.

I didn't realised that most of my comments were actually on LOVE STORIES. In one typical Malaysian Forum, there would be a segment where you have the part they discussed relationships This is one of the famous segments.

In the forum that I joined, there was a segment called Soal Cinta dan Kaunselling Remaja which frequently visited by the members - pouring out their problems and stories. I commented on the stories as that is the use of a forum without realising that I commented too much.

After a while, cheryna or chery became a bit famous than she thought she would be. Someone noticed that. One day she received an e-mail stating that she has been choosen as a moderator for that love section. Can you believe it? Yeah, I hope you will.Cheryna or someone you know as Sha here was once a Dr. Love.

Hehehe. Laugh all you can:P

I became this Sri Siantan in the newspaper (but this one in a forum), whereby I would take care of the stories in the forum. I was like Yoda in Starwars - having so many things to share and so many things to say. Being a moderator managed to get me the excess of so many admin stuff including the moderator rooms and deleting other people's comment:)

Sometimes, I would received e-mails on relationship problems. Not to mention that I've received an invitation of becoming a friend of someone -including the forum owner. Hehehehe. Famous? I was.

We had some gatherings, we went to weddings. Some of us met their soulmates there. I didn't - because I eventually finished off my fling with the owner. Some became close friends and so on. We shared interests, we quarrel, we fought, we laughed, we shared stupid jokes, we did so many things.

One of the forum members from Kedah eventually enrolled as my junior in UNITEN. Naturally, she would call me Cheryna instead of Sha, right? My friends raised quizzical eyebrows when we bummed into each other or when these questions asked,

"Hang gi mana, Chery?"

"Chery, hang tak online hari ni?"

Her friends had to adopt my questions of

"Pink mana?"

"Pink ada dalam bilik tak?"

My friends are calling her, "Cik Pink kawan Sha."

Her friends are calling me, "Cik Chery kawan Dila."

Eventually, I was "Chery" or "Kak Chery" to my juniors. Thanks to my online friend cum my junior, Pink.

When one of my friends were trying to hook me up with my boyfriend in college, I was introduced as, "Chery." He got used of calling me Chery until he became my boyfriend a year later:P

My brother used to called himself, "adik Chery."

Cherry cherry boom boom...eh...eh...

Now blogger, if I ask you to call me Chery, will you call me Chery?

Hahaha.

But then, Chery was very strong and very less opinionated. She was carefree and she didn't mind fighting or debating. In contrast to Sha, Chery was a sweet lady who offered her opinion to relationship problems. She was practical - so called a romantic girl with lots of fun and sweet ideas.

Sha on the other hand is not that sweet.

Somehow that magic touch of dealing with relationships are not longer there. I wonder why.

Where are my romantic senses?

Bloggers,

In your opinion, are you a romantic person?

sha: misdemeanor...the wife or me?

Delicate White
Originally uploaded by kaceyskeyboard

Misdemeanor

Synonym (according to Microsoft Word):

Wrong
Crime
Offense
Sin
Transgression
Misbehaviour
Misconduct

He had too much time in his hands, I told myself. Or he was just boring. Or he was just being friendly.

I tried to be not prejudice.

But when I heard the beeping sound of my cellphone, I just couldn't brush off my negative thoughts.

Message:

Assalamualaikum. Selamat Malam, Sha. Buat apa tu?

I was silent for a moment. My options were either to reply or not to reply. But both have implications:

To reply

It means that I'm digging my own grave. Replying a message from someone else's husband is not good. Especially when the title is Miss in front of your name. Why? Because people won't blame that someone else's husband. People will say, "gatalnya budak perempuan tu, kacau laki orang." In the end, it's going to be MY reputation which is going to be ruined.

Not to reply

It is against my nature of being one friendly and chatty creature in this world. The person hasn't done anything to suggest that anything will happen. It might be that I'm the person who is uncomfortable with something which is not necessarily going to happen.

So, to reply or not to reply?

My stubborn, principled mind said,

"Reply as a friend."

So, I replied,

"Salam.Selamat Malam. Nak tido nieh."

Then I sent the message.

Another beeping sound,

"Saya call Sha boleh?"

And I replied,

"Pentingkah? Tak eloklah begitu. Cakap saja."

The phone was beeping again,

"Saya call."

Suddenly my phone rang. It was him. I pressed the green button on my phone.

Me: Hello?

Him: Assalamualaikum Sha...

Me: Waalaikumussalam.

Him: Maaf mengganggu.

Me: Tak apa. Pentingkah?

Him: Saya cuma tak ada kawan nak bercakap.

Me: Hoh? Isteri?

Him: Dia tak ada.

Me: Jadi awak call saya?

Him: Ya.

Me: Jangan begitu. Tak manis. Nanti apa dia kata?

Him: Maaf mengganggu Sha.

Me: Sudah mahu tidur. Maaf.

Him: Tak apalah. Take Care, Sha.

Me: Awak pun.

Him: Assalamualaikum...

I replied and put the phone beneath my pillow. Scared? I was. Thinking of the misdemeanor that I have done made me silent. They just got married last year. What happened?

I rested my head and snored. But I woke up again at 3am, thinking that things happened before I slept should've not happened.

I shrugged it off the moment I hugged my bolster.

Couple of weeks after:

I saw him in Pasar Malam...

Him: Sha...

Me: Hai! Eh...beli apa tu?

Him: Ni...nasi campur.

Me: Oooh...beli bungkus makan berdua.

He looked at me with pain in his eyes.

Him: Tak...saya makan sorang...

I suddenly felt guilty.

I saw him in a restaurant...

Him: Jemput makan, Sha?

Me: Tak apa. Sha makan dengan adik Sha.

He gave me a bitter smile.

Me: Banyaknya nasi. Lapar?

Him: Ya. Tak payah makan malam lepas ni.

Me: Isteri bekerja ya?

Him: Entahlah Sha...

When he was feeding himself, I couldn't help looking into his thin features; thinking why was he always alone.

He sms me again...

Me: Awak berani ya, masih sms Sha walau sudah beristeri?

Him: Dia tak tahu.

Me: Kalau dia tahu macam mana?

Him: Dia tak pernah kisah.

Me: Hari minggu. Tak bawa dia berjalan?

Him: Dia ke Kuala Lumpur, dengan kawan-kawan.

Me: Awak tak ikut?

Him: Dia tak perlukan saya...

Me: Hish, jangan cakap begitu!

Him: Dia tak pernah ada...

Me: Awak perlu pujuk dia.

Him: Siapa mahu pujuk saya?

I was silent. Then I stopped replying the message. I still have the image of him in baju Melayu, shaking the Tok Kadi's hand. It was not yet a year and he was saying that.

I told myself, "Men...they will create excuses. Don't buy it." Just avoid the misdemeanor, Sha!

One day, I saw his car nearby - WTF 2798.

A sweet lady in her early twenties came out of the car. She was wearing a pink tank top and three quarter jeans. Her body was curvy - it was small and big at the right place, flat where it should be and bouncy where it should be as well. For me, it was perfect. A twinge of sadness filled the empty space in my heart. If only I have THAT body.

Her lips were pink, she was fair and her skin was flawless. Her nice hair tied with pink ribbons. The angelic face could certainly made a man forget about so many things. She was damn beautiful and I was about to come to her to pass the compliment. But I didn't want her to think that I was crazy. A woman is passing a compliment to another woman about her beauty? She might think that I'm a lesbian. No!

Then I heard her giggles. A guy in his mid-twenties was approaching her, smiling wickedly while resting his hand on her shoulder. He said something and she slapped his shoulders before caressing his cheeks. Then he leaned close to her while she leaned her back on the car.

I became a distracted and confused at the same time.

"Sha..." I heard a voice behind me.

Then I saw him. Behind the cool, smiling face, I could see red flames crept up the collar.

"Hai awak...makan sini ke?" I asked dumbly.

He nodded.

"Sha okay hari ni?" he asked while looking intently into my eyes. I took away my gaze from his handsome face; thinking that I shouldn't stare at him.

"Okay..." I said while looking at the ground.

"Dah makan?" his voice was soothing.

"Dah," I said curtly while trying to look to the front. The girl was still giggling.

"Tunggu siapa?" he asked again.

"Kawan," the reply was simple.

"Sha?"

"Ya?"

"Awak takut nak jawab soalan saya?"

"Tak."

"Kenapa banyak diam sekarang?" he asked.

"Tuuuu...dah sampai," I pointed at the girl.

His expression changed. Then he smiled bitterly.

"Dia tak kisah. Tak pernah," his voice was almost a whisper.

"Tapi tak elok kan awak dok bercakap dengan saya depan dia," I said.

His eyes were dark with mystery. Yes, sad eyes. But I knew I shouldn't show my compassion.

"Jaga diri, Sha..." he said slowly.

I looked at where he was going. He walked to WTF with the same expression. The girl pinched the other guy for the last time. When the other guy saw him, he quickly walked away. The girl was still looking flirtatiously at the other guy when he opened the door for her.

He looked at her with a murderous expression. She looked as if she didn't care.

While I walked to the bank nearby, I saw him again. He bought a pound of bread from 7 Eleven. When he looked at me, he lifted the bread with a frustrating look. He entered the car and I heard the fight.

Both of them were shouting and screaming towards each other.

The car left the place. Speeding.

That night...

Him: Thanks Sha...

Me: Kenapa?

Him: Awak kawan yang baik, tak pernah mengkhianati...

Me: Hah?

Him: Saya rasa dia cemburukan awak...

I smiled at my phone. He got his wife back.

And a beautiful lady is jealous with the fat me.

But my smile wavered a bit.

Questions:

Should it happened that way even when you're married?

The misdemeanor of a wife has been replaced by a jealousy?

p/s: Why am i having this imagination of tuberose (bunga harum sundal malam) when I'm typing this posting? Err...scary!

sha: oranges and...a boyfriend part 2

Matahari
Originally uploaded by madock101

* This is not a story of Jack Bass. *

I have never told him that I loved him. We have been together for quite sometime and we never went out anywhere far aside from my parents' house. I guess, we had to give that option up because we were both too tired from work. Working odd hours sapped our strength on weekends, so most of the time we would settle down for a movie and a quiet dinner.

That week, we had a day extra. Monday was a bank holiday in UK. Therefore, we have decided to have one day holiday in Malaysia's UK. Oooopppss...not Ulu Kelang! We called it UK because of the weather but realistically that place was Malaysia's Las Vegas. Folks, pick a guess...?

Yes, you're right! We went to Genting Highlands. Since I had this problem with travelling (I told you about my vomitting problem), he kept on talking while driving.

"Sayang, kenapa sayang selalu muntah time travel? Sayang, kalau kita pergi Kedah nanti, you nak plastik berapa? Sayang, kalau you muntah, you basuh mulut tak? Sayang, you suka mangga ke orange? Sayang, bila boleh you decide you nak kawen dengan I?"

He kept asking questions because he knew that his girlfriend was a chatterbox. Since I had to answer his questions, I would definitely focused on his questions and forgot about my anxiety. This consequently caused me not to vomit at all.

The moment my face turned blue, he made sure the window was opened. Then, he fed me with the oranges. Luckily the car was automatic, so he didn't have to switch gears. He managed to drive safely while attending to me. A good driver as my boyfriend - just what I need.

I mean, he was the one and only who could stand vomitting. I was like Fumiko in the film The Replacement; I couldn't do anything when it came to the urge of throwing up. He knew that very well because when I was on my menses, I would vomit. He didn't have to ask me, "Sayang period ke?" The moment he saw me vommitting, he would ask, "Merah dah ke?" I had once asked him whether he was uncomfortable with my delicate condition - he said, "Practicelah, nak buat lagu mana. Besok kalau mai Kedah, you mabuk jugak."

Yes, I had no luck of finding someone from the same hometown. He was from Alor Setar.

* Note:

He can speak this Bahasa Kuala Lumpur in the office but he would change to his northern accent when he was speaking to me. "Practice," he said.

That was just great:

I practiced to learn nothern accent and he practiced to cope with my ability to throw up:)

When we reached the theme park, he was so excited and he couldn't stopped grinning. I smiled at him with my blue face. So, when he took a ride on a roller coaster,I sat at the bench and watched him while eating oranges.

When I felt okay, we took the ride together.

But, I couldn't stand the Solero Shot. He was enjoying himself for the sixth times before he came over and spoke to me.

"Taknak cuba?" he asked.

"Taknak," I replied.

"Best tau. Rugi. It's okay, I'll hold you," he grinned. I looked at him from the corner of my eye. His grin was getting broader.

"B...I nak naik tu," I said while pointed to the amusement ride in front of the Solero Shot.

"Apa tu?" he asked me dumbly.

"Matahari."

"Yelah, itu apa?" I knew he was testing me.

"Ferris Wheel. Macam dekat funfair. Nama dia Matahari," I said firmly while looking at him sharply.

"Hehehe. Cakaplah Ferris Wheel. Tadi khabaq nak naik tu, nak naik matahari...mana boleh!"

"Kerek!" I pinched him.

"Jom?" I asked.

"Errr...you naik sorang boleh tak?" he said.

"B...I taulah tadi I tak teman you. Balas dendam ke?"

"Daaakkk aiihhh...mana ada. I takut. Betoi!"

"Don't tell me you're scared after going through all these dangerous rides!!!" I was unsatisfied.

"I'm not lying. Seriously. I didn't even get on Ferris Wheels in Funfair. I was scared and I'm still scared, sayang..." he said softly.

I sulked.

Then I went to Matahari to get a ride. Alone.

When I wanted to get into one of the cages, I felt someone behind me.

"Cik Adik tak muntah ke naik ni. Lupa bawak oren?" a familiar voice was whispering in my ear.

It was him. And I ignored him.

"Sayang...this is going to be a huge sacrifice, okay! I brought your oranges. This time, you have to feed me. Not the other way around!"

I smiled.

"Okay B...fine," I said while feeding him.

He opened his mouth but his eyes were close.

"Bukaklah mata, B..." I cajoled him into opening his eyes.

"Taknak."

"Bukaklah..."

"That tone is not going to work this time, honey!"

"B...I yang penakut pun bukak mata. Takkan you tak boleh."

He opened his eyes and he screamed,

"Tingginyaaaaaaa!!!"

My eyes were nearly popped out from the socket because he was too loud! Everyone was looking at us.

"Please...benda ni lembab, tinggi. Kalau laju, I okay. Kalau lembab, I tak okay!"

"Okay...okay...tutuplah mata," I said.

The first round was over.

"B...." I called him.

"Ya. Cakap jelah. Jangan suruh I bukak mata sudah."

"B...I have something to tell you..."

"Kita cakap kemudian boleh ? I tunggu habis je ni, sayang. Kejap lagi boleh?"

"B...sekarang..." I used my charming voice.

"Apa dia? Cakap...I dengar."

"B...I'm in love with you."

My voice was slow. That was my first time. I was not generous in saying those words, you see. He started to complain about being the only one who were saying things.

Then his eyes were flicking and they opened slowly. Those were the smallest eyes I've ever seen. Talk about One Malaysia. His Chinese genes were showing its effect physically even though his name and his accent are totally Malay.

Those small eyes were filled with tears.

They looked straight into my small eyes which filled with tears too.

Both of us were...SEPET.

Then he gave me a wicked boyish grin. I looked down and smiled shyly at him.

"Sayang...you just made me the happiest man today," he said softly. That was the most romantic tone he ever used to me!

Yippiiiiiieeee...

I just realised that he was not closing his eyes anymore. He couldn't take his eyes off me while we were going through the third round.

Ferris Wheel was fun.

And magical.

I finally said it to him.

He deserved it.

Now you know how I got the name of this blog:)