Wednesday, December 29, 2010

sha: hoi nasi goreng...

Nasi Goreng at Made's Warung, originally uploaded by spoonfork.

Hoi nasi goreng
Hoi bubur kacang
Mee rojak hoi nasi
Hoi bubur hoi mee siam

Tukang masak kerjanya enteng
Bangun pagi masak nasi goreng
Campur cili campur udang kering
Bila makan mata naik juling
- Nasi Goreng Bubur Kacang by P.Ramlee

Today is the last working day of the year for me. My routine for the rest of the year will change. Definitely I'm not going to wake up early in the morning and bath in cold water like today. That will be absolutely marvelous! I'm a goat in a human form - I hate to take bath even though I'm a fan of good smell and nice fragrance:P

I don't have to force myself to fold my polka dot pink blanket. That's wonderful, because I love the warmth of the blanket. I mean, friends got husband to hug them - so the warmth will be from a human's body and not a piece of thick and comfy cloth. The only time when I can feel the heat from another human is when mum decides to sleep with me - which is rare considering that she needs to be a wife.

What else? Ooohhh...I will definitely get the warmth from an animal. My "son", Fernando Bulu is demanding for attention these days. I have been denying him for quite sometime. The prohibition for him to enter my room since I don't have the time to bath him. Cold weather makes me soft as I don't have the heart to hear him scream.

Yes, I miss my Bulu. It has been quite sometime since the last time I slept with him in my lap. I will need to bring him to the vet tomorrow. That will be an excellent trip. Bulu loves Suzuki!

Ooo...talking about Suzuki. He needs attention too! I need to send him for servicing tomorrow. And I must...must...must...clean his white body. Otherwise, he won't look nice for kenduri. People will ask, "Whose dirty car is that?"

What else about tomorrow? Hmm....tomorrow is the day when I'm going to eat my mum's Nasi Goreng or Mee Goreng...or even Bubur Kacang. I have been eating in stalls these days - the taste of nasi goreng is not special anymore...

...where there will be cili padi pounded by our own pastel and mortar.
...where mum knows the concern of putting belacan or geragau...
...or even crunchy anchovies...
...extra veggie - bak choy, cabbage, carrot or even frozen peas...
...and sunny side egg...with melting yolks...

Yuuuuummmm!!!!

That will be a great kick start for the things I wanted to do just now. Not to mention that I have to prepare myself for weddings. Peach and pink baju kurung is nowhere in scene....alamak. And I have not received any news about my Saloma-like kebaya for my cousin's wedding in Saloma Bistro next week.

Darn.

Happy New Year everyone. I stop working for the year today.

And planning for weddings ahead:)

Monday, December 27, 2010

sha: pelamin anganku musnah


Traditional Coconut Candy
Originally uploaded by KooshKing

Masihkah dengan janjimu
Apapun jadi akulah pilihanmu
Hingga sanggup ku singkirkan cinta yang lain
Ku angankan pelamin indah untuk kita berdua singgah
Sayangnya... Semua musnah
- Pelamin Anganku Musnah by Azie

I had the loveliest, tastiest, most awesome coconut candy last weekend! Yes, I know. I shouldn't be too excited about coconut candy but yes...I was overjoyed. Sorry. No hypocritical act here.

A fortnight ago I was looking at the uninteresting coconut candy which was displayed on the top of a mamak restaurant's counter. I was not that ecstatic but I was craving for the taste of sweetness on my lips. I mean, I have been left with sour and bitter taste lately - there were too many incompetencies to be swallowed, too much of drama to munch!

We talked about that later, shall we? The part when I knew that I was not a microphone freak but someone else' was:P

So, what would you say when you were hungry, and angry and freaky...and someone offered you a coconut candy? Well, I know it was not everyone's favourite but then again Sha has always got this childish side of her that everyone could see. So, coconut candy for me was a treat to the unfavourable things I had last Friday.

Enough of intro. Here's the story...

I was sleepy after three hours of karaoke session with office -mates. My eyes nearly closed. Pelamin Anganku Musnah was not my favourite song but that was the only way of how to sing solo. Karaoke was not Choir-and-OK. There were two microphones but not all songs were duet.

But then again...
  • Maybe some girls were too naive. They said they won't sing in a karaoke room but ended up singing all songs.
  • Maybe some people just knew all songs. So, they couldn't decide which was the song to sing and which was the song that they should let others sing!
  • Maybe some girls were too happy-go-lucky and Sha was grumpy. The songs must be the happy ones, so that they could dance shyly:P

Eh, where got dance shyly meh?

But, layan ajelah! Chocolate Strawberry was a nice cake to celebrate a man's birthday. Especially when the man was the sensitive one and he tend to react strangely towards straight forward comments. Carnations were such beautiful gift to a guy who ran his words smoothly, especially when they were beautiful and not Betty-like. And of course...a card with penguins would definitely reminded him of how Pingu was craving for justice:P

Well, I could plan but there would always be someone who were dying to take the credit. Birthday parties were as good as it get; especially when it was successful and you didn't really have to do anything.

So, go ahead. Pelamin Anganku Musnah was such a nice song! Especially to those who were still a kiddo at the time Azie sang it. Unless they loved music too much - they won't remember the song played in the radio at the time their noses were full with slimes. Hehe.

I was about to sleep with the sound of broken voices played in my head when my aunty showed me the coconut candy she made for my cousin's wedding. And when I saw the colours, I was grinning from ear to ear. Wooo...that was not easy, folks! I was frowning hours before when my voice was pitching for Sembilu by Ella.

And...my sinus worked out finely for Sejarah Mungkin Berulang. I did sound like the young Tomok with sad face. Hehe:P

Anyway, what I'm trying to imply here is...
There is no distinctive flavour towards attitude.
A taste of coconut candy is straight forward - if you buy those in mamak, you'll taste the ghee. The one you made at home will be different. But both are sweet - not salty or sour.

So, do you have to pretend that you hate karaoke when you practically sang all songs?
With microphone - of course.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

orkid's cafe: rice is nice


Rice Is Nice
Originally uploaded by jump4joy
Inginku sandarkan harapan
Bahagia hidup bersama
Tapi ku sangsi cinta di hatimu
Adakah sekuat cintaku
- Inginku Sandarkan Harapan by Hetty Koes Endang

I broke the record! Yesterday I told you that I was eating mee goreng for the past three days. Well...well...well...someone made me broke my own record yesterday. Who was it?

Definitely my mum - the person whose capable of making me drool even though I was supposed to be exhausted and sleepy and angry and unhappy. But she wiped it off by just one act.

She cooked a nice warm white rice at 11:30 pm. And then she asked me to take it from the rice cooker. She said...

"Lauk ada dekat atas meja. Ambik sendiri."

I was so lazy, I was about to say, "Malas nak makan...ngantuuuuukkk...."

But, how could I say that to the woman who was not really well, but cooked for me dinner regardless the time I reached home? How could I say that when the rice was already cooked? How could I say no when all I ate for the past two months were food from stall?

The food which tasted the same until I ran out of menu and decided to eat mee goreng everyday instead of other stuff.

So, I scooped the plain rice from the rice cooker. The steam made my face fresh. My eyes became less drowsy. And it opened widely the moment I lifted the lid of the pot...

Asam Pedas Ikan Pari.

It was completed with the ladies' finger, tomatoes, onions, bunga kantan and daun kesum. The hot and spicy stuff made me alive after being a dead zombie - espcially after meeting the auditors and bosses:p

As my tongue licked my fingers last night, I was saying...

"Thanks mum!!!"

I felt no regret of staying in Seremban and working in KL. It was worth it. Especially when I have such a great mum.

For record, I slept late last night because I ate late and I wanted to hug mum before I slept:P

How far do you travel everyday, folks?

* Sang that song in the office yesterday and everyone ran away!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

sha: ada apa dengan mee goreng

The Final Touch, originally uploaded by Takoto.

Breakfast is a must. I agree with that. I can go on without eating lunch but I can't survive if I don't eat my breakfast. Previously, I didn't care much. That was when I was young, of course. Where enthusiasm led everything; nothing mattered including food:P

But now, things are different. Not eating breakfast means there is less time to socialise. Less time to see people that you're not seeing everyday. Less time to hear gossips. And less time to relax. Food and time are the good elements to enjoy - even though the time is only for fifteen minutes.

I got this particular sentiment after I watched Planet Food Malaysia:

"Having a breakfast is an act of appreciating Malaysia."

The statement is big, I know. For some reason, I didn't realise that we have so many options when it came to breakfast. Not before I watched the show. But when I saw Merrilees Parker eating all sorts of dishes which considered as Malaysian breakfast, I started to think that I didn't enjoy life. I didn't enjoy Malaysia. I was not being grateful.

So, what do you have for breakfast today, folks?

As for me, I'm in the season of craving for mee goreng and telur mata each time I'm eating. Yesterday, I had mee goreng for breakfast and dinner. By the time I wanted to go to sleep, I realised...

I only ate mee goreng and nothing else for the past three days.

Woooooooooo.....

Monday, December 20, 2010

sha: frosted chrysanthemum 2

Originally uploaded by monteregina

Everytime you commit one more mistake

You feel you can’t repent
And that its way too late
Your’re so confused, wrong decisions you have made
Haunt your mind and your heart is full of shame
Don’t despair and never loose hope
Cause Allah is always by your side
-Insha Allah by Maher Zain

"Ya Allah, permudahkan kisah cintaku..."

Tawakkal. That was all I could do after series of failure in my love life. Up to the point when I knew that there was no future between me and Sepet, I devoted myself to the love of my life: MY WORK. I knew for a fact that life was not always all about marriage and having kids like other people. Your destiny was determined by God; the only thing you could do was to work hard for it and pray.

If it was not meant to be, it was not meant to be...for me.

Rewind. When I walked out of my room that day, I was looking to the left - wishing that I could have some strength from the person I used to respect. He was looking at me with murderous eyes - his stare was accusing and full of hatred. I knew there was no way I could ask for his brotherly advice. No way.

Clearly, the argument we had few weeks before had affected the way we communicated.

The dam in my eyes nearly broke. I remember the times when he used to tell me that I could find love. I recalled the times when he argued that I was not always right. My forehead frowned when I was hoping for a sign - a nod, a smile or at least a twinkle in his eyes. Instead, I only received a scowl. That was not something I wished from a big brother. Not when I was desperately in need of one.

My shoulders dropped with frustration. My lips muttered, "There goes my history in love..." And I walked away. No more hope. He was The Boss. What was I expecting by the way?

* * * * *

So, I was sitting in front of The History - Mr. Sepet. We were there - in the same meeting room he sent me almost twelve months ago. On that rainy day, he hurt me when he broke the news about Phuket. I remember the feeling of frustration I felt that day. I was never there when he wanted to make any decision. I just had to accept.

I knew it was a family vacation. I knew I didn't have the right to interfere. But I needed to know where things were standing. I desperately wanted to feel like something important in his life. But his action was showing the contradict. So, in the same room, when The Boss offered me the job, I promised myself not to rely on him anymore. I was hurt - but I was still in love.

That was twelve months ago. I was so sure about my feelings, I was not scared of anything. How about now? Twelve months have passed - there were changes, there were developments and there were downfall. Is the love still there?

He started with...

"I know what I did was wrong. Mesti masa tu your parents pun dengar apa yang jadi between us..."

I was just staring ahead.

"I come here to ask for your forgiveness. I want to ask for your hand..." he was being too calm. Sharks.

Google. Type - heart. No results found. Where was my heart?

No.

Google. Type - head. 1,000,000 results found.

Result 1: Are you stupid, Sha? He hurt you, fool!
Result 2: Jangan jilat ludah sendiri, will you?
Result 3: This happened several times already, Sha...
Result 4: Sha...maybe this is what you have been praying for?
Result 5: Apasal keras hati sangat ni, Sha? Marah sampai tak maafkan orang?

Heart vs. Head.

And I'm still praying, "Mudahkan kisah cintaku, Ya Allah. Aku lemah dalam membuat keputusan. Dan aku takut untuk salah..."

Why can't I have a simple love life?
Was there a sign that I have not noticed?

Saturday, December 18, 2010

sha: lelaki itu...

I looked at his face as we dove in the ocean. There he was; all muscular and sexy. His smile would definitely made the turtles swoon. His grin was fantastic - any Dory or Nemo would certainly cried with joy.

Oh, he was too sexy. Too masculine. The dream of every woman in the world. The fantasy of every female creature including a hen and a mare. They said that he was perfect. He was too macho to be true. He was the purest gentleman you could have ever met!

But only one girl opposed to the statements. Her name is Sha. Sha Cheryna Pires. A girl whom people would describe as...

The Big. The Fat. The Abnoxious.

Wait. Why was a fat girl saying all that? Who was she anyway? Tak sedar diri ke? I mean, a thousand girls were saying that he was the best catch ever.

But then again..what will you do if you're in this position:

He had 25 girls to choose. But he was only one man. So, within 25 weeks, he would date each and every girl in his options...

...until he finds his true love.

Do you want to be one of those folks?

Clearly, the big, fat and abnoxious Sha was opposing the idea.

But who is she talking about?

Thursday, December 16, 2010

sha: gelang tebal, baju bling-bling

Originally uploaded by hey zeena !
Malam bulan purnama
Tiada hati dirundung duka
Kita bersenda gurau bersama
Riang-ria gembira
Dengan cahaya sinaran rang bulan
Itu semua pengalaman
- Jauh di Mata by Ella

I have been wondering:

When I went to a government's office just now, I was looking at a woman who was wearing a gold beaded organza shirt. She was talking to her colleague who was performing her duty for me.

She was...
Asking on how to calculate her overtime.
Asking where did she wanted to go for lunch.
Asking about the latest trend of her tudung.

A transaction which supposed to take 10 minutes the most dragged to 20 minutes.

Good. Very good.

"Bersama membangun negara."

Yes. Absolutely.

I looked at her thick bangle and I was wondering about the amount of her overtime hours. Wow...she must be rich. Or hardworking. For I do not get overtime for sleeping in the office.

But that is fine. I don't mind. It's okay.

The bangle is hers - her rezeki - Alhamdulillah.
The gold beaded organza shirt is hers - her money - Alhamdulillah.

But my time is mine.
Efficiency is mine.
Outcome and results is mine.

In which circumstances did she failed to understand that?
Couldn't she find other time to talk to her colleague?

Huuuuuuuuuuuuuu...

* I was listening to this song in the car....in the rain. The crease on my forehead is making me old...so old song neh?

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

sha: chrysanthemum itu bunga

Originally uploaded by naruo0720
Pernah ku mencuba terima seadanya
Sayang ia selalu calarkan sudut hati ku
Hingga lelah jiwa ku dikecewa
Yang tak mungkin berpaling kembali
Namun ku yakinkan nanti
Tuhan pasti beri gantinya
- Bunga by Exist

You might be wondering what is happening to my love story. Frosted Chrysanthemum seems to be hanging there; just like the story of Arief, my chef scandal.

For some reasons, my love stories are like clothes in laundry shop. They have hangers. Sometimes I dry cleaned them, sometimes I bleached them, and most of the time I washed them. Keeping them was difficult - maybe because of my lack of skill in doing so or this laundry shop stories are purely mine:)

I have drafted the stories about me and Sepet in that room but there were so many things which have drawn me from posting it yet. Wait...auditors are coming at 10 a.m today to destroy me; let's just pray that I will be able to go through this successfully. That way I will be able to draw some fresh air into my lungs instead of a Dunhill in blue colour box:P

Okay...okay...what happened to Sepet? Sepet is a kumbang and I'm the bunga kekwa. We called it chrysanthemum in English and people always use that for sirih junjung in the old days. I mean, these days things are more English -like. I personally prefer orchid than anything. But then again when I look at the hantaran these days, they are not like the ones during my parents' time.

Where chrysanthemum was the bright yellow, white, red and purple flower used in hantaran. Where the hantaran was classical and tough as chrysanthemum won't require that much of attention compared to the roses and hydrangeas on the sirih junjung on most of the modern weddings.

Right. Get my point so far?

Kumbang will always be the same.
But the flower?

Roses requires attention.
Gerbera requires support.
Orchid requires money.

Chrysanthemum? Just some sponge water with a bit of care. The beauty is moderate and the colours are common.

But it's still a flower. Don't you agree?

Sepet is the kumbang. Sha is the bunga. Bunga kekwa.

But kumbang has options. Do you think Sepet loves Sha, folks?

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

sha: a letter to my mentor

Dear Mr. Fabulous,

This is not a resignation letter; if you are expecting one. And this is not a blog posting about love, either. No dissatisfaction will be stated here; maybe a little - surely, but this is mostly about you. At the time when I'm writing this, the clock is ticking to 12 a.m. And I'm posting this in my blog on 8th November 2010 at 10.00 a.m - just to remember what happened eleven months ago.

We met exactly at 10 a.m on 8th January 2010. That was the day when the cloud was grey. I wore a grey tudung to match the black baju kurung. And my mood was grey too. My beloved boyfriend said he wanted to go Phuket; and he told me just few hours before he departed. I felt unimportant, so I prayed never to fail in anything again.

I didn't know how my judgment was on that day, but your face was too familiar. I shook the ideas in my head when I saw your red shirt and the rings on your fingers. I chased the fear to trust - for I had theories about how to judge a guy by his looks and gestures. I reminded myself to be less judgmental though experience had taught me too well about life and people. You looked too casual but not relaxed; I was trying to read you hidden agendas.

Yes, I had the trust issues the first time I saw you. That was the reason why I made a choice which did not involved you. But we were talking for more than an hour before I told myself that I admired your spirit. I remember saying no several times; but you managed to coax me into changing my mind. Your skill in persuasion was not that good, honestly, but your effort had lured me. I was impressed with that; so I made a decision to reward the effort. Put aside the uncertainty I felt towards you; you were clearly was not the give up type. Three hours of talking - and I chose you.

The third day - I was depressed with you. I didn't know whether I should rely or should be on my own. Sometimes I thought you wanted to know everything. Several times I knocked my own head and tried to make it my way. In the end, my expectation was true. The moment I saw you frowning with a red face, I knew that things weren't supposed to be difficult for you. The time when you said, "Apa yang susah sangat?" I left with a hole in my heart. "I shouldn't expect anything from anyone," I told myself.

There I was, cried in the cab and wished for miracle to happen. My hands shook with fear as I held the last RM10 in my hand; knowing that was my ticket to go home. But I needed that to perform; so with my ego went into the drain - for the first time in my life, I called my younger brother for help. He replaced my ticket money with his - and the taxi driver was too kind not to overcharge me that day. Apparently, he saw me withdrew that RM10 from the machine before I passed it to him.

An hour later when I saw you, my tears had dried. For record, I didn't even claim the amount that I used for my taxi ride that day. I thought, "Let my difficulties be a secret. At least to him." (but of course, I'm telling you today).

You were good. Too good for me to look up on you. And I was impressed. But you changed your mood too easily; so I've decided not to be close to you to reduce the heat. You see, I was the temperemental type. Being close to someone like you would only make me lose my temper and that was not good to the business. It was even worse when I was contemplating about my partner - especially when he was complaining about the time that I didn't spent with him. He was my life; but you gave me light - who was my choice?

You knew better.

We both knew that I had a secret to keep. And that made me pressured as time passed by - knowing that I have to work hard to keep everyone's reputation. It hurt me when I made mistakes but you always seemed to know how to put the pressure away. Obviously I won't tell you how much I like to hear you sing. In my opinion, certain things were better left unsaid.

I hated you for giving me too much space to be independent and for not being there for me when I wanted to make decision. You told me that everything was for my own good - as I needed to think big and learned to make plans. I agreed with you - half-heartedly. Indeed, I had to develop myself. But words like, "I don't know and I don't care," from you? Well...maybe I should won Olympics for winning the Swallow Tears competition.

I learned that well when I came back from Secret Recipe one day. I knew you were in love and I was not aware that you won't be around. I was so stupid - I thought I could settle things with you when I came back. But you were not there. So, I went to KLCC - cried and wrote a letter to the building. A stupid reaction, wasn't it? I cried when I couldn't get angry anymore. Those were the days when you were losing your focus. And I told myself again," I shouldn't expect anything from anyone."

Truth is, I had badly wanted support. There were times when I fell into the drain because I needed to make it on my own. Not to mention that when I thought that I was the only one who was not getting any from you. Jealousy? Maybe. Dissappointment? Definitely. One fine day in May, I cried my heart out at the petrol station. A colleague of mine brought me out as I couldn't hide my sobs. That was the day when I thought I tasted betrayal ever since I knew you.

She knew that I couldn't handled the figures for the first time. I was keeping it silent; knowing that the figure was your call and not mine. When I came back after crying, you asked me why. And I said, "Tak ada apa-apa."

But mum thought me about perseverance and acceptance - "Sometimes rezeki orang tak sama dengan rezeki kita." So I adhere to the fact that the cause of the despair I felt was not my call. Rezeki itu kerja Allah. Then you made a comment, "Sorang pun you tak boleh jaga ada hati nak jaga yang lain!!!" I cried again. And I asked myself several times whether I fail in detecting and appreciating love and affection like others? Do you know that the affection towards you had caused me predicament after another? Do you know that it was hard to carry the burden after you smiled to girl?

They were infatuated with you and I was in the middle. But I got the blame for not being able to control the infatuation? I was the one to be blamed when she wrote your name in her Facebook? That was the time when you taught me about stress. I learned that very well. Thanks.

For some reason I felt at home when I was with you. Where everything was my responsibility. When there was no one at all to tell me what to do and I had to bear the consequences of the decisions I made. I felt down at that time. You didn't even want to notice that. I gave you hint you ignored. I printed some things and expected you to read but you didn't do that. So, I gave up and I cried a lot. Why can't you treat me like others? Just because I'm ugly? Do you know how hurt I was when I learned that you called me fat and short. They made fun out of it - at the time when I was trying to earn some respect.

Sigh. Again, it's your call. You have the power to influence, of course.

Well, after all said and done, you might be wondering about how do I feel about this. Speaking truth this time: I love you. Woooo...don't throw this yet! You are not making sense if you do that. Honestly, I'm hurting someone who loves me if he reads this. As I said, effort does counts so just imagine about his feelings when he reads this at the time when he is trying to win my heart. I am not cruel, even though you always thought that is who I am.

Silly!!! I love you as someone who listened (when you feel like listening, of course), motivated and taught me. Like an elder brother I never had. Someone I thought I could respect and respect me back. That was the reason why I did almost everything for you. I put you in front of everything to perform the duty which has been entrusted to me. Remember the day you sent me back to Seremban and you asked me why did I stayed in a relationship too long? I said,

"I will be loyal to the one."

Loyalty. Trust. I believed in that. And that was my weaknesses and always will be. Maybe, you will take advantage of like anyone who have taken advantages of me before, but that was just me. You used to ask me how did I react to betrayal. Have you ever thought about seeing what I have done to counter it back?

I stayed loyal. Though it hurt me like hell. Take my life relationship as the prove.

The truth is, I grow with you. Literally and spiritually. I gained weight a lot ever since I got to know you. For some reason, seeing you eating make me crave for food. Hehe. Especially the chocolate bread I used to buy last time. Same goes to the things that I have learned. One thing for sure, I learned about knowing what I want. How to decide in life when everything seems so bleak. You used to say, you always get what you wish. How I wish to be like you.

When I confronted you last week, I was just being myself. I'm sorry if the reality hurts you. I'm sorry if things are not in favour for you right now. I'm sorry if I'm not your favourite. I'm sorry for not being pretty. And I'm sorry for not being the person you wanted to be. Trust me that whatever happens now is torturing me. Maybe I knew too much. Maybe I was just being scared. After all the weaknesses that you have seen, I think you're prepared to learn more about my stupidity.

Today, I have decided to give you 2 things. Take this as a personal gift - from someone who looks highly upon you. This is not a bribe - this was my wish. I knew the day would come for me to give this to you - and I'm doing it now. I'm giving you my one of favourite books - the one I talked to you about. My most favourite has been given to the girl who we celebrated her birthday in Aseana few months ago. That was how much I valued a person in life, though you might think that she had no value for me. You were the one who taught me how to separate between play hard and work hard remember?

I know you're not the reading type, but I hope one day you will decide to read. The second thing I'm giving to you is a CD of the story I told you about. Where the soundtrack plays the role and the story reminds me of you. Check out the single seats in the story - I hope one day I will be invited to your important day! But mind you, you need to invite the person whom I sent my regards through you before this. Because someone here is very...very...interested:P

Thanks...for being my mentor (though you didn't want it) and Happy Birthday.

* No actual names mentioned in the posting.

Yours sincerely,
---Sha 007---

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

sha: frosted chrysanthemum

Originally uploaded by monteregina
Jangan pernah kau katakan
Bahwa cintaku terlarang
Karena tak ada yang tahu
Arti cinta sesungguhnya
- Terus - terang by Radja

It was raining and I was wearing my pinkish baju kurung. It was chiffon so when the fabric got wet, I got mad.

My mind was focusing too much on the most important event of the year. Audit. I hated auditors. They were the most annoying visitors that you have to meet. When they were coming, you had to greet them, prepare a place for them. They used their nose to sneeze and sniff, they used their eyes to see and stare, and they used their mouth to demand and gave sarcastic comments.

Hahaha. I just made suicidal comments over there! Most of my friends were/are auditors. And I...nearly became one:P

Filings. Process Flows. Documents. Everything was scattered in my head. Prioratising work was damn difficult but needed and emotional argument was damn irritating. Things weren't going my way yesterday. I was frowning, scowling and swearing at the same time.

It was when I entered my room when my assistant approached me and said, "Ada orang call. Nama dia F**** and dia tunggu dekat receptionist."

I was caught off-guard. My mouth was silent. If it was gaping, I couldn't prevent others from seeing it. Shocked was the actual feeling; denial was how I reflected the whole situation. Habislah!

So, I dragged my feet and walked towards the receptionist area. When the girl saw me, she immediately stood up and said...

"Cik Sha...ni...Encik..." and she pointed her thumb towards the sofa behind me.

There he was. The blue shirt was not something I accustomed to see - it must be new or he bought it when he was not with me. His looks changed a lot - he was no longer a fair guy; clearly the sun has given him a Malay colour instead of Chinese. He must've smoked a lot - his teeth are the evidence for it. And...he has gained some weight. Nevertheless, his apperance had never changed - the shirt is pressed and clean. That was what I liked about him.

Okay...okay...this is not about falling in love again. No. I remind you...if you're expecting for something romantic, this is not the time.

"Hi ex.." and he smiled broadly. As if nothing happened between us. Or if something happened, it was not the bitter one. It was as if we were rekindling on good memories. Sharkssssss!!! (because I couldn't say shit)

"Hi F****," and I smiled back. I looked at the wonderous face around me. And the busy body ones. They were too eager to be our audience.

"Nadia, bilik meeting kosong?" I asked the receptionist who clearly amazed by the whole situation. Sha, the most undesirable person in the office is receiving a male guest. And he was calling her....ex???

"Come...let's go into the meeting room," I said.

And his smile was getting broader when he realised that we were going to be alone...

***to be continued***

Thursday, November 25, 2010

sha: sha o'hara?

Originally uploaded by Luigi FDV
Bukan sengaja aku merahsiakan cinta
Tapi curiga kau kan tersalah sangka
Kerana kita rasa bangga bila dipuja
Dan rasa keji bila dihina
- Seribu Bayangan by Damasutra

One of my wildest dream is to go to a cotton field. I want to see how the plant look like. If I'm not mistaken, there was a scene of Scarlet O'hara plucking the cotton from its tree. That particular character in Gone with The Wind is my favourite, despite her stupid ego:)

Scarlet had her time of weaknesses too. She tried to be independent but at the same time she was weak with greed and jealousy. She was beautiful and she was proud about it. At the same time she couldn't have everything she wanted - including the man that she loved.

Welcome to the classic world, folks. I was twelve when my eyes shed its tears after watching Gone With The Wind:P

Someone told me this yesterday,
"You have to learn how to trust."

And I kept my silence at that time because I was showing my respect. If I followed my heart, I would have certainly objected.

Trust? Pretend that everyone is innocent.

Think:
What are you supposed to do when Salmah did this to you...

"Kenapa pointer kau teruk ye?" she asked.

"You mean?" that info was supposed to be confidential.

"Aku bukak file kau...aku baca kau nieh dulu pointer taklah bagus manaa...." she said with an accusing eyes. The triumph showed clearly as her eyes glittered devilishly.

"Pointer aku tu mencerminkan kerja aku ke?" I asked back.

"Takdelah. Tapi aku wonder jugak macam mana kau boleh dapat kerja nie..." she said chidingly.

I looked at her. That was not the first time she commented the details in my personal file. Not to mention that she tried to take my report as her report.

When you want to pluck a white and soft cotton, there is a chance for you to bleed. Cotton, as white as it is, can be hurtful.

So, don't think Salmah is innocent, okay. She is not.

I know better.

Because I am Sha O'Hara! (silalah muntah). Hehe.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

sha: if faizal tahir is my boyfriend...

Kan ku menjadi arjuna dalam mimpi-mimpimu
Kan ku panah tepat ke jiwamu atas nama cintaku
Pari-pari ku utus bawa kau ke sini lagi
Terhapus semua air mata dengan senyuman
- Selamat Malam by Faizal Tahir

When one of my brothers called yesterday, my colleague made this comment, "Garangnya kau dengan adik kau." And I laughed. I said, that was how I was talking to my brothers because my feminine phonetics and gestures were intolerable for them:)

I was not a soft hearted sister. I knew I was not perfect and there were lots of arguments on how I was handling my brothers. Being the eldest means a trial for your own parents. When they were raising you, they sought for advice from others; they tend to copy and paste other people's practice in your life. They thought they knew the best.

But that was not always the case. They were times when they failed and they wanted to make it up by using other options for the other children. So, when I met Sepet several years ago, we clicked with each other since we were the eldest and we understood the feeling of "trial and error".

Talking about trial and error. Hmmm...there was a piece of memory that I could extract from my mind (I'm no Dumbledore, but I could do that as well). A memory when I was a teenager and just came back from the boarding school for holiday.

"Kakakkkk....ibu masak sedappp...bangunlaaaaa...." said my youngest brother.

"Mmmmmmm...." I put my face on the pillow.

"Kakaaaaakkk...ibu suruh bangun...kakaaakkk...." his small hands were touching my shoulders.

I rolled at the other side of the bed.

"Kaaaakaaaakkkk....nanti ibu maraaaah...bangunlah!!!!" he screamed. Clearly, he was too anxious or too determine.

"Mmmmmmmmm!!! Diam!" I grunted.

"Kakak nieh!!! Ibu suruh banguuuun! Dia dah masaaaakkk!!!" his voice was hurting my ears.

Then he slammed my back. It was not painful but I was shocked.

"Oiiii! Sakitlah!" I scolded him and sat on the bed. He looked at me furiously.

"Bangun. Ibu suruh bangun. Kau nieh asek tido jeee..." he said.

Paaangg!!!!

I didn't know what I did but the moment I realised it, my brothers face was red and wet with tears. His small shoulders shook with sobs and he looked at me with his teary eyes.

I just slapped him. Damn.

Since then it was well known that I hated to be disturbed when I was sleeping. No loud voice. If you want to wake me up, just touch my shoulder gently. And....use the gentlest voice. Otherwise, you will see me sulking the whole day.

That's the bad Sha that you should know.

My brother is 18 this year and is a fan of Faizal Tahir. So, when he had to wake up at 1.00 am and picked his sister from the commuter station in the morning, I touched the cheeks that I slapped more than 10 years ago. Well, that is the regret that I have.

When he sang "Selamat Malam" in karaoke, I made a comment on how much I don't really fancy the song. And he said....

"Kalau Faizal Tahir nieh boyfriend kakak, dia dah kena tumbuk bertubi-tubi sebab nyanyi lagu Selamat Malam masa kakak tidur..."

Ouucccchhh!!!

Payback time.

Obviously, I would love to have a gentle voice when I'm sleeping. Like the voice of Jack Bass's whispering "Open your eyes, princess..." Hehehe...

Tumbuk bertubi-tubi? Definitely, Faizal Tahir. Watch out if I hear that song in my sleep.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

sha: panau arjuna

Selagi jasadku belum terkubur
Selagi tubuhku belum ditimpa uzur
Pantang datuk nenek moyangku berundur

Takkan ku menyerah kalah walau mimpiku musnah
Harapanku hancur sayapku patah
Akan ku pancar cahaya seperti pelita ke seluruh dunia
Akan ku pancar cahaya seperti pelita ke serata dunia
Seperti cahaya
- Pelita by A.P.I

Google Search : Hikayat Malim Deman.

Result found: forum.lowyat.net/topic/727878

Click.

Read.

Polaris: What's the whole point of this story? I could not make heads or tails out of it at all.

myhotgary2: LoL..thats why malay literature sux.. Try shakespeare.

I was looking at the screen like a mad woman. Sux? Sux? Sux? Is that the only word you know? I mean, if your English is damn good, you will definitely know to substitute that word with something else. And how good are you with Shakespeare by the way?

Go fly kites in Israel, bro. You're not supposed to stay in this country. We don't need a person with a conflict of identity here;)

The students are sitting for SPM today and I remember my stupid experience with literature. Regardless whether it was Malay or English. My lovely teachers, Cikgu Azizah and Cikgu Saodah were trying to polish my language because I only wrote about facts.

Cikgu Azizah: Saya tak risau langsung bab karangan, prosa moden nieh, Shahida. Tapi saya cukup risau prosa klasik awak ni. Teruk betul. Awak terjemah semuanya macam tu aje!

Me: Saya tak faham bahasa bunga-bunga, cikgu.

Cikgu Azizah: Kena fahamkan! Okay apa maksud perenggan ni...(she started with a paragraph of indigestible words.

Me: Mmmm....dia ada kuasa sakti, cikgu!

Cikgu Azizah: Kuasa sakti?

Me: Yelah...cikgu cakap tadi ada kilauan cahaya memancar-mancar...zaman dulu-dulu kan ada raksaksa, ada kebayan macam dalam cerita Badang tu!

Cikgu Azizah: (laughing).

Me: Cikgu? Salah ke?

Cikgu Azizah: Awak ni...saya paling suka baca karangan awak. Fakta bagus, ayat tersusun. Tapi karangan fakta jelah. Lepas nie Shahida, awak boleh tulis cerita pulak.

Me: Kenapa pulak, cikgu?

Cikgu Azizah: Itu cerita dongeng, Shahida. Kuasa sakti dalam cerita dongeng. Dalam Hikayat Malim Deman, yang memancar tu panau dia...

Me: Panau? Panau memancar ke, cikgu?

Cikgu Azizah: (silent)

Me: Saya pernah kena panau masa main hoki. Tak memancar pun cikgu!

Cikgu Azizah: Belajar lagi bunga-bunga bahasa, ye nak?

My lovely teacher. And when my SPM result was showing A1 for Bahasa Melayu, she smiled proudly at my mother and said, "Saya dah agak, puan. Dia memang student favourite saya."

She made ibu a very proud woman that day. Despite the fact that her daughter couldn't really think the logic of shiny ringworm didn't really matter.

That was my story with Malim Deman. My affair with Shakespeare was about this:

"Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;
I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him..."

Me: How can someone lend someone else's ears, teacher?

The others were laughing.

Teacher: It means: LISTEN.

And I smiled shyly.

My brain is too straight forward. For so many things.

The only thing I couldn't be straight forward in life is when I couldn't tell him: I LOVE YOU.

No literature in that, Arjuna!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

sha: oh, gagahnya suamiku!!!

Originally uploaded by sorabshroff
Alangkah indah temasya di malam itu
Dua insan karam di lautan madu
Menanam dendam berahi satu persatu
Berkucup angan di bibir merayu-rayu
-Inai di Jari by S. Jibeng

Tonight. Friday night. For some reason, staying back in the office on Thursday is not an option. Everyone will go home early and I'll be alone. Even the security guard goes for long break. Huhuuu...I'm doing yearly report to check out some trend. Can I say that going home early on Friday night is a routine as well?

Whenever we get into conversation on Thursday, people will start talking about, "Malam nieh malam Jumaat weehhhh...."

And it's not about the main character in Jangan Pandang Belakang. That woman is scary - her long hair does not show any hint of Sunsilk or Head and Shoulders. The women they are talking about are of course, the ones who await for them at home. Though the joke makes me blush, I like to see the tender eyes of the husbands in front of me:)

That particular topic - even though I'm not married, is like a norm. Sometimes, I hate it. But since I'm hearing that regularly, it's becoming an uncomfortable norm for me. I mean, I can't get angry or change the fact that people get married and I'm not, right? So, I'm trying very hard to be adaptable to all situation.

However, there is one thing I can't tolerate...

2004
I was chatting with my roommate, Wa on a Friday night. We were talking about our lives - mostly about my scandals (as at that time I was still considering a steady boyfriend). The burgers we bought were too fulfilling until we couldn't sleep.

"Sha, hang pernah imagine kalau 5 tahun dari sekarang hang dah jadi bini orang...?" Wa asked me.

"Aku takleh imagine aku kahwin, Wa...nak kerja, nak beli kereta...beli rumah...boleh ke?" I asked doubtedly.

"Boleh...boleh punya..." she answered confidently.

"Wa...aku takleh imagine nak tidur sekatil dengan orang lain! Huuuu...topik kahwin nieh berat la...."

"Sampai masa nanti hang kena pikiaq jugak.. Nieh, yang hang tidoq sekatil dengan aku nieh?" she teased me.

"Kau lain. Kalau aku belai-belai kau pun tak jadi apa!" and we laughed. We continued with some girly pillow talk (this is our secret, I can't tell you folks!)

Suddenly...

"Aaaaaaaahhhh....!!! Abaaaaaannggg....aaahhhh!!!"

Froze. Our house was a cheap terrace house where we had to speak slowly in order for us to avoid the neighbours from hearing. Wa's round eyes were staring at me incredulously. My shoulders shook with mirth.

"Sedaaaapp...aahhh...ahhhh..."

I covered my face with my pillow. Wa's face was red with laughter. And embarassment.

"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!" the voice was getting louder.

And I whispered to Wa, "Waaaa...aku kumpul duit dulu. Nanti takkan aku nak jadi macam tu? Malu laaaa...." and Wa nodded her head.

The next day, we saw our neighbour, the second wife of a taxi driver, held her husband's hands before he went for work. We tried to not look at them.

"Terima kasih ye, bang..." the wife said shyly.

"Terima kasih, sayang..." the husband said that and I dashed into the house. The hairs at the back of my neck were rising like an army! I was shy!!!

2010
My brother came back from Shah Alam for raya. He just moved house. The renting cost was too high so he decided to stay in a flat. I asked him about the new place and he said...

"Semua okay. Makan okay. Tapi...neighbour problem sikit..." he said.

"Kenapa?"

"Tiap-tiap malam Jumaat tak boleh tidur. Agaknya gagah sangat suami orang tu. Kitorang ni kena tidur depan ramai-ramai. Tak sanggup!" he grumbled.

"Hah?"

"Abaaaangg...lagi bang...lagi bang...itu bini dia. Yang laki dia pulak, sayang...jilat lagi...aaahhh...ahhh....huuii...malu betul," his immitation made me blush. Stupid. Absurd.

"So?"

"Sampai kitorang buat mesyuarat dalam rumah nak tanya siapa tengok CD blue kuat-kuat. Tak ada siapa mengaku. Tengah-tengah mesyuarat, kitorang dengar bunyi tu. Apa laaaagiiii...."

"Korang buat apa?"

"Sound pakcik tu."

"Hah?!!!!!" Gulped.

"Sound gurau-gurau...tanya dia best sangat ke malam tadi sampai kitorang tak boleh tidur," he continued.

"So? Berani ye korang?"

"Malam Jumaat seterusnya tak taulah macam mana. Makcik tu period kot. Takde bunyi. Hehe...." my other brothers were laughing.

And I...continued blushing.

The feeling was like looking at a naked statue - with great proportions on that particular body part.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

sha: 1 lembu. 1 bunga. 1 nama.



Apakah akan terjadi pada semua
Bila mentari dan sang bumi
Tak lagi saling memahami
Dan cinta yang sedia ada
Pupus sudah segalanya
Hanya tinggal sisa suka duka percintaan

- Manifestasi Cinta by Fiq feat. Mirwana

There is a tree which draws my attention every time I walk in front of Wisma MCA these days. The flowers are blooming beautifully - it looks like sakura in the midst of KL. Don't ask what is the colour of the flower. You know how much I love purple and pink and white;)

At the side of the busy road, the blossoms are falling down graciously. Today, I pick up the tissue-like flowers and press them in my book. I can't wait for the result. Too bad that the flowers aren't made for bouquet. Sometimes I just can't bear the sight of people stepping on them. Something as beautiful as that should be appreciated but that is the nature in life.

And I have to accept it.

This applies to nasty jokes as well:

Apek: Satu Malaysia. Satu bangsa. Satu nama. Habis, Melayu sudah boleh makan babi la?

Pakcik: Habis kalau Melayu boleh makan babi, Cina kena sunatlah?

Annei: Takkan India sudah boleh makan lembu?

And they laugh. I can't see the funny side of their jokes because these matters are too sensitive. But then again, the way we're respecting each other is mostly by ignoring what other people are doing. It's not that everyone practices learning about other people cultures.

We just don't bother. The less we know, the less we mingle is the best. That way, we can avoid the fight. It's like passing Wisma MCA everyday without even noticing beautiful flowers are falling from its tree.

But is that supposed to be the right way? I remember how furious I was with a cow breeder when my mum was staying in the government quarters. My beautiful orchids were the cows' meal since the cow breeder was letting them loose.

It happened everyday except for Hari Raya Aidiladha. I asked the cow breeder where were his cows and he said:

"Tak mau lepaslah, kakak. Nanti Melayu sembelih sama saya punya lembu."

I laughed and explained the scenario. But diversity have always been a difficult topic to penetrate, so I let him make his own judgment.

Today is called Hari Mantai for those who are from Negeri Sembilan. The day where people buy meat (this includes duck and buffalo if you're truly from the state!) and cook for their love ones.

What is happening to Sha, folks? She is sitting in front of the PC to get a pot of rice. At the same time, this is what plays in my mind right now...

...I don't want to be a cow or a coward. Say no to abusive jokes.
...I want to discover the feminine side of me. Be a bit more lembut and lentok:P
...I love to create my own identity. (am I not doing that already)

That's my goal for now. 1 lembu. 1 bunga. 1 nama.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha, folks.

The cow and the flower has taught me a lot this year. How about you?

Originally uploaded by law_keven

Monday, November 15, 2010

sha: kalau let's say...kalau cinta...


Hot enough to fry an egg
Originally uploaded by Pockafwye
"Kalau cinta jangan kacau
Kalau sayang tak perlu marah
Kalau ikhlas tak minta berbalas
Serahkan cintamu
Pada yang punya cinta..."
- Kalau Cinta by Aliff Aziz feat. Joanna

Thanks Nana. You are making my Monday morning more beautiful than ever with this song. With the catchy tone of yours, this sleepy lady is not feeling gloomy at all. Even though there were too many things happened last weekend, your song is making me smiling early in the morning. The fact that I'm the first one to arrive in the office (though I'm staying in Seremban and my office is in KL) is a no problemo:)

The first time I heard this song, I already knew it was yours. For some reason, after your wedding rehearsal last time, I'm partial to your voice. It sounds crazy, I know, but how I wish that Hanya Untukmu is your song. I like your version better. Hehe. Maybe it has got to do with the fact that you sang it for your hubby and you looked beautiful. For a hopeless romantic like me, I was ecstatic every time I hear the song, remembering all the good moments during the wedding. It was marvelous.

So, all the best to your future undertaking. Ignore the part when people are saying that you're just another pretty face. Bimbos won't work hard, but you do. So, you're not one of them.

It was amazing how someone named Salmah made this comment when I was listening to your music recently:

"Lagu nieh best. Tapi aku tak fahamlah macam mana dia nie boleh jadi cousin kau. I mean...kau nieh...." and she smiled nastily.

I understood what she meant.

"Saudara jauh ke apa?" she asked with a stupidity.

"Taklah," I answered shortly.

"Takkanlah beza sangat rupa kau dengan dia. Kata sepupu kan?" she made that statement again.

"Perlu ke rupa sama?" I asked.

"Takdelah. Aku suka dengar lagu nieh gitu-gitu je pun. Takdelah minat sangat. Biasa je..." she tried to stab and twist the knife.

"What's your point?" I asked.

"Kau tu. Kalau let's say dia tu betul cousin kau...memang kelakar lah family korang nie...." she grinned.

That's Salmah, my dear. Even though there is a tiny point of her to hurt me (especially when it comes to physical), she will. But you know me. I can't be bothered. The fact that you look like our grandma Bedah and I look like grandpa Usop has never been explained. Why should I, right?

Well, people got their point of views. Some can be prejudice. At least I'm not like Salmah who will say things repetitively for the sake of using some English in her sentence.

Kalau let's say....
Cuba try...
Macam nie...whereby...

And that makes laugh early this morning.

Kalau let's say jangan kacau?

Hihihihihi...

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

orkid's cafe: nasi lemak 50 sen! - part 1.


Nasi Lemak
Originally uploaded by Edi Yang
I hated the song Sejarah Mungkin Berulang. Nevertheless, I was still singing that song when I went for karaoke last week. Adik was looking at my distressed face when he decided to treat me with an hour of pleasure. I had a chance to scream my lungs out. For some odd reason, I chose this "tangkap leleh" song over several of my favourite songs. Well, it was not that odd, actually. My cracked voice could hit the note for that song instead of others. I just couldn't bring out the Rossa in me because I sound more like Tomok:P

This is a confession of frustration. Last year, I was working as a barista. The small amount I earned for living was not enough to cover my expenses to go to Stadium Bukit Jalil. The ticket price was RM20 but with Tanker as my mode of transportation, it was impossible for me to go to the stadium without hurting my pocket. I had badly wanted to take the LRT but I was not sure of the schedule. I was afraid that I might got stuck near the stadium. Sleeping in the stadium with the watermelons on my chest was not a good idea. AT ALL.

Throughout the misty eyes, I screamed when we won the game. I laughed at the times when I thought that I was an unlucky person who did not managed to see all those stupid and hilarious things that the Kelantanese fans were doing. I was breathing a clean air; without any smoke from the fire crackers or burning chairs.

I didn't go to the match.

This year, Sejarah Telah Berulang. The match was between Kelantan and Negeri Sembilan. AGAIN. The day Negri won over Johor FC, my brothers have declared that they won't allow me to go to the match. I was heart-broken (and still is). The mamak stall was where I was heading to last weekend (but I ended up sleeping in my aunt's house). I desperately wanted to laugh after turbulence after turbulence in my life!

My predicament was caused by the ticket price this year. How did you expect me to support six family members with RM30 as the price per ticket? Fuel? Toll? It was too outrageous! Regardless, money was not the major concern. My brothers were more worried about my safety. They said, "Your watermelons look like durians now. We just don't want these Kelantanese guys to disturb you. They disturbed our friends last year and they only had nasi lemak 50 sen. Not our sister this year. No."

And I nearly cried.

That problem was not just when I wanted to go to the stadium to watch football. I'm not Kim Kardashian - that one spot called nasi lemak is not for public view nor exhibition! Talk about nasty comments I have received before - in school, at the office, at home, or even when I went for Quran recital:(

I stared at my profile picture in Facebook. The picture of me wearing colourful afro wigs. I painted my face with Negri flag colour when we met Kedah during Piala FA. No, I could't do it again.

Nasi Lemak 50 sen? Not me!

My nasi lemak is at indifinite figure.

Nasi, timun, kacang, ikan bilis, sambal sotong, udang petai...paru...rendang ayam...telur mata...the list can be very..very...very...long. Maybe I should call them Nasi Lemak Watermelon!

It is too costly to be criticised.

Alhamdulillah! Anugerah Allah...

But what makes people so indecent these days?