Wednesday, September 01, 2010

ramadhan diary: dia di perhentian

Originally uploaded by estan
All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

I was there. Sitting and watching him while he laughed with others. I saw the grin on his face and I smiled.

Then I frowned. I saw her. With him. He was saying something to me and I watched her slipping her arms around his neck. Damn.

Hold on
Feeling like I'm heading for a breakdown
And I don't know why

I tried to smile and I sat on the couch nearby. They sat in front of me. He said something and he laughed. She laughed along. I couldn't pick up the words but I knew it was about me. Me. Me. Me.

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to

Then I saw them talking to others. And the others were looking at me. They were wearing red; they were in a ceremony. Just then, I realised that he was wearing red. A red songket.

I'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind

And I saw her red songket kebaya. The girl in lace was whispering to her while she looked at me. I heard her. She was talking about him and me. But as I said, I couldn't grasp the words properly.

And the moment all those people started to laugh, I started to cry. They were all laughing at me. And he was laughing too. And he hugged her. Tightly. In front of me. My tears were pouring down like the rain. My shoulders shook with sobs. No. I knew I was not supposed to be there. But laughing at me? Well, that was certainly too much.

"Jangan buat Sha macam ni...." my voice broke.

Then I heard....

"Awak....?" the sound of the voice was different. And I felt someone touching my shoulder.

And I opened my eyes.

I was in the bus. The first thing I saw was a man's confused face. I looked through the window and I saw Ampang Park.

I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away...

"Awak mengingau..." he smiled. The other passengers smiled knowingly. Or shall I say sympathetically?

I touched my cheeks and they were wet with tears.

Well, folks...

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell...

Sha was having her nightmare. Even when she was sleeping in the bus.

* Lyrics: Unwell by Matchbox 20


kiddo2music said...

sha, i really dont know what to say now..
am speechless.

yet, i know it just maybe, and maybe..

allah tak akan uji kita lebih dari apa yang kita boleh bertahan, okay

t.a.c.a said...

ermmm dah dua kali saya mimpi i unwell?

Pocket said...

Dreams are patches of photo or glimpse of memory all played back with MP3 from your hard drive as the sound effect.

I wonder how was your day sis..
to be dreaming like that u must be worrying bout something too much.

if u have an issue that u can do something bout it, then why worry?
just do something about it....
if the issue is something u cant do
anything about, then why worry?
there's nothing u can do anyway.

mier@merr said...

sis...what happen... ??

chekdenoor said...

Selamat Menyambut Hari Lebaran.
Mudah-mudahan, kita semua memperolehi keberkatan.

Maaf jika ada terkasar bahasa.

♥LOVE2COOK♥ said...

Sha, how U been?

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri buat Sha n family ya! Wish U a blessed n fun Raya! Take care dear...;)

Cik Qemm said...

kak terganggu ke?
chill ok sist.