sha: my message

91/365 April Fool, originally uploaded by teenytinyturkey.

I want you to know
That it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

"Dear, Sha tak gi Kedah with you. With rapid changes of your plans, it's effecting others too. I had enough of dealing with us. I'm sorry for all the wrongs that I've done. Halalkan makan minum. Please do not contact me anymore. All the best. Good Bye."

- my message to Sepet, 6.05a.m, today.

....we were meant to say good bye...

sha: men are incredibly dull

cymbidium Bouquet
Originally uploaded by kayteedawn88

"I'm trying, Papa, but most men are incredibly dull."

"They've been taught their manners, is all, darling."

"I'm not talking about manners. I mean their interests are so...so...worthless," she petulantly finished. "Do you know how shallow most of their brains are, Papa? A nail scratch would touch bottom. And when I bring up some topic of conversation that might be the teeniest bit interesting, they look at me blankly and then change the subject by telling me how beautiful I am."

- Blaze Braddock from the novel Blaze by Susan Johnson

I was indulging myself yesterday as my bosses were not around. Come on, when was the last time I decided to go home early? Besides, if I went out of the office late yesterday, there won't be anyone who would accompany me in the end. Okay...okay...I don't want to talk much about this. I had a great time walking from one corner to another in Kinokuniya, bought my new book called Blaze and that was not a sin;)

Perhaps, I was thinking too much about the work.

Probably.

Maybe.

Eh, perhaps, probably, maybe? Why am I jotting rubbish over here?! Sha...Sha...

I remember the time when I was infatuated with my ex-boyfriend, Mr. Ganu. Love captured my heart until I lost my sensibility. We first met in a shopping mall and have been formally introduced by a friend. He was...nice. I mean, he never forgot the time to pray, he smiled a lot and he was soft-spoken. He got manners.

Over the conversation of Nasi Kerabu, Manchester United and college life, I oversaw the part that he was just another human being. When our relationship was approaching a year, I found that he was not the man I wanted. Whatever he was saying did not penetrate my ears well and I got bored from one date after another. Why was that?

I have always adore men with worldly ideas and thoughts. I mean, I can't blame my ex-boyfriend for being dull and talked about the things I already knew but I had to admit that it was the way my parents brought me up. When I was small, I used to sit down and listened to my grandparents stories - about the time when British or Japanese were in the country, about the late former Prime Ministers, about the road and the changes in town. I had those stories when my parents were working and when my late grandmother was feeding me with Nasi Sup or prepared Cekodok for me during tea.

When my parents came back from school, my ayah - being a Geography and History teacher would then talked to me about all the weirdest stuff. He talked about Newfoundland as if I have been there. He mentioned things I was unaware of and eventually the things that I would never know if I was reading my own History book.

With my grandfathers' and father's stories - I eventually learned too many things and had difficulties in corresponding with men.

As a football supporter, music lover and a televisionaholic, my ibu would provide me with the latest info on all the stuff that I've been missing. Then there came my brothers who would tell me honestly about how guys are perceiving things and their preferences.

And friends...who would always amaze me with new stories and ideas.

Besides, being a blogger makes me updated too...

So, am I saying that I need someone to be like this:

Atuk + Atuk + Wan + Nenek + Ayah + Ibu + Brothers + Friends + Fellow Bloggers = Boyfriend/Husband

Hahahaha...please don't tell me that I'm too choosy. But I need someone who won't make me bored, who tells me things I don't know and who is damn smart to capture my attention. Just like a cymbidium. What is a cymbidium?

"Cymbidium (pronounced /sɪmˈbɪdiəm/),[1] or boat orchids, is a genus of 52 evergreen species in the orchid family Orchidaceae."

-Wikipedia

Boat orchids? Hehe. Just imagine how big my love boat will be if I need the guy to have the ability of being someone who can act like the important people around me;)

He is going to be someone who is hard to find. Just like a cymbidium.

"Dik, kalau kakak nak orkid cymbidium utk satu jambak, berapa adik charge?" I asked the florist yesterday.

"Cymbidium susah nak dapat, kak. Satu tangkai dah RM70," she replied.

"Ohhh...Orkid biasa?"

"Kalau rose satu bouquet dalam RM90, orkid kita charge dalam RM120,"the sweet girl informed me.

Huh. My favourite flower is costly. And RARE!!!

Same goes to my dream guy. I just need someone smart. Don't tell me that's rare too:(

Well, sometimes you found one and you just couldn't have him.

Because the good one, or in my case, the smart one - is TAKEN.

Huwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa......!!!

Pity me huh?:(

sha: putar, jilat, celup!

Oreo Splash!

Originally uploaded by flofler

I'm not saying jilat-celup-putar, right? Or celup-putar-jilat? Lick...lick...lick...hihi. Oi, why am I seeing blushing faces eh? Oooo...I know...I know. You guys are dirty minded! What? Are you thinking that I'm writing a porn stories over here?

As we know, we have lots of food blog these days. Women, especially mothers - wrote about their home-cooked food. Some provided the recipes, some talked about the connection between food and their daily routine. Whatever it is, food blogging is interesting. You can feast your eyes and learn about the things that you might not know before.

In this posting, I want to share some of my favourites and the reason behind it:

1. blogresepi.com - Mr and Mrs. Faiz's stories about their lives in Kuopio, Finland made me learn more about recipes abroad. I never tried brussel sprout with ikan masin, but ever since I stumbled upon this blog, things started to change. I didn't know that food can be as good looking as the one I saw in pictures but ever since I looked into the effort made by the blog writer, I am now believing that food can be very seductive!

2. LOVE - Love has taught me about spices of life. I love the fact that she is writing about her children at the same time showing nice pictures! LOVE is providing me options when Malay cooking is somewhat conventional and common for me. With the selection of good ingredients, the method of cooking and the love in her recipes, I bet that your days will be more colourful as how this blog did to mine.

3. Watierman - I'm not a wife but if I am, I want to be like this blogger. The part which I enjoy the most when I visit this blog is when I read and see the pictures of the food her husband is bringing to work everyday. The way it is the served, the selection of menus and the quantity makes me think of how wonderful it will be if I can be like her - devoted, dedicated and sophisticated. All at the same time.

There are more food bloggers which was not stated in the list. At least, not yet;)

But what if I call these people - Kak Ijan, Love and Watierman - PORNOGRAPHERS?

What do you think?

Ehem...ehem...don't throw things at your PC yet. It's not worth it, folks! I'm calling them pornographers because they are food pornographers. Have you heard that term? Nope? Okay...now you do. Food porn is very common these days, especially among the bloggers. It is when pictures of food are taken to tempt people especially the food lovers or the photography maniacs.

For example, food porn is working well for me as I tend to spend hours surfing flickr or food blogs to view the pictures of beautiful food. It's like the practice of people who are watching the real porn films or pictures. The saliva is drooling at the corner of the mouth. Sometimes, the tongue will stick out of the mouth and it will slowly lick the upper lip. The teeth will clench the lower lips to hold the expression of hugging the laptop or the PC monitor.

You can see it but you can't taste it.The sexy cherry on trifle or the bulky stuffed red peppers will tempt you. The slim red chilli is showing a waving expression;)

Food is sexy. With this posting, I declare that I'm a porn maniac. Food porn. Where the crave is safe. Jilat, putar and celup are literally serving their meanings in a good way. Recently I searched google for the word sedap, it came as other things like sedaplah abang, sedaplah nak jilat and so on. Well, sedaplah nak jilat in food porn is safe. You lick the real ice-cream and not the metaphoric ones okay;)

So, tell me..

What were you thinking when you read my first paragraph, folks?

Uisshhh...yellow brain, ek? Hehe.

To read more about food porn, click here.

orkid's cafe: the romantic fettuccine alfredo

Shrimp Alfredo Fettucine

Originally uploaded by sisizaneo

I have been vomitting quite a lot. The content of my stomach just spurt anywhere it wished to. I will have to find the most suitable place for it quickly - the toilet bowl.

Otherwise, it will spurt on the carpet like yesterday.

Or the sofa like the day before.

Or the kitchen while cleaning the fish like a day before that.

Buweeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkk....!!!

The slimy yellow, greenish fluid pooled in the toilet bowl. That was the result of eating my favourite Gulai Pucuk Ubi Kayu. It seemed that my favourites were no longer my favourites. This was the third time I was throwing my favourite food in the toilet bowl.

I vomitted Nasi Lemak dengan Sambal Sotong Basah.

I vommitted TGI Friday's Potato Skin.

I even vommitted Telur Dadar!

Drops of tears run down my cheeks. The feeling inside my throat was indescribable. Something was stuck there but I don't know what it was. My chest was feeling heavy and strange. And I felt like...

Buweeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkk....!!!

Again.

So, I had to wait. Thirty minutes passed and I knew I was clear. So, I cleaned my mouth, washed my face and dabbed a cool clean purple towel on my face.

Then, I reached for the phone.

The song Terlanjur Cinta was hurting my eardrums. For some reason Pasha and Rossa were no longer my interests as well.

What was happening to me?

Me: Hello, B.

Him: Hello, sayang. Are you okay?

Me: Muntah-muntah lagi.

Him: Laaaaaa...yeke? Berapa kali hari ni?

Me: Adalah 4-5 kali jugak.

Him: Ciannye dia butah yeee...

Me: Jangan ejek I boleh tak. Penat tau muntah ni!

Him: Tak ejek. I meant it, sayang...

Me: B...I penat muntah.

Him: I know, sayang. Tapi I tengah kerja ni.

Me: Sorry to disturb you.

Him: I tengah ada discussion. Nanti I call you balik?

Me: Lama ke?

Him: Give me 15 minutes. Please?

Me: Okay. Bye B...

Him: Bye...

And he put down the phone.

I felt hurt. I mean, I was not like this before. I won't call him at work either. But lately I have been over sensitive. I need my partner to be with me. Always~!

When I put my head to rest, I automatically dozed off.

Suddenly, I smelled something nice.

Mmmmmm....that smelled like...

Him: Sayang...bangun...makan...

Me: Taknak makan. (my eyes were still close)

Him: Bangunlah...

Me: Tak lalu, B...

Him: Tengok dulu apa ni. Mana boleh perut kosong. Makan sikit ek!

And I felt his weight on my bed. My eyelids were automatically opened.

He was smiling. I smiled weakly at him.

Him: Makan k!

Me: Apa tu? (I asked without looking at the plate)

Him: Something special!

I looked at the plate.

"...a pasta dish made from fettuccine pasta tossed with Parmesan cheese and butter. As the cheese melts, it emulsifies the liquids to form a smooth and rich coating on the pasta."

- Wikipedia

Me: Alfredo?!

Him: (nodded with a smile)

Me: But...why?

"The restaurant's story is that the dish was invented by di Lelio at his restaurant Alfredo alla Scrofa in 1914 as a variation of fettuccine al burro. When butter was added both before and after fettuccine was put in the serving bowl, the butter was known as doppio burro (double butter). Di Lelio's original contribution was to double the amount of butter in the bowl before the fettuccine would be poured in (thus a triplo burro (triple butter) effect instead of double) which he started doing for his pregnant wife who was having difficulty keeping food down. Alfredo added the new dish to his restaurant's menu when his wife began eating again."

Him: Alfredo loved his wife. And so do I.

I smiled at the prawns and broccoli and started to eat with relish. Strangely I had no morning sickness since then.

My Jebat Ar-Rayyan a.k.a Jack Bass was doing his magic again. I was having my dinner on bed and he was feeding me with golden spoon and fork (like the one given by Mary Pickford and Douglas Fairbanks to Alfredo di Lelio) when...

"Bajet RM20 cukup tak nak buat Fettucine, kak?" he asked me.

I smiled.

"Kak!!!"

"Aaaaa...apa?"

"Orang nak suruh buat fettucine. Bajet RM20 cukup tak? Nanti orang belikan barang..." Adik said.

"Cukup...cukup..." I answered lazily.

My mind drifted back to...

"Imagine kalau Orkid punya rupa macam Alessandro Nesta..." my darling said romantically while rubbing my tummy.

Awwwwww...isn't it nice if that was true, folks?!

Hehe. Sha is still dreaming...

* to read more about Fettucine Alfredo, please visit wikipedia!

sha: terima kasih cinta

This heart
Originally uploaded by xdesx

We were on the way to some place when he switched on the car radio and inserted the CD.Afgan's song, Terima Kasih Cinta soothed the ambience and I felt a bit relax. I felt like singing;)

"Jap...jap...jangan dengar dia nyanyi tau. Dengar I nyanyi," he said.

So I closed my eyes to focus on the chorus:

Terima kasih cinta untuk segalanya

Kau berikan lagi kesempatan itu

Tak akan terulang lagi

Semuaaa kesalahanku yang pernah menyakitimu...

Nice. That was awfully nice. I mean, he was not the best singer and he could never ever reached the standard of Afgan, but listening to his voice was certainly an experience. You don't get the chance of hearing someone singing everyday unless if you go for karaoke;)

And that was not really surprising. I heard him singing through the phone when his girlfriend was calling.

That suddenly made me think of the time when I sang for my own partner. When was that?

I can't remember much, folks. I remember the time when I sang You've Got The Way by Shania Twain while we were riding in his car (I made a posting out of this too)

I remember singing Don't Go Away by Oasis when we quarelled.

I remember singing That Thing You Do.

I remember singing I Still Believe.

I remember singing Never Had A Dream Come True.

So, I did sing lots of songs to my ex-partner, Mr. Sepet.

Did he sang for me? Yup. Though I have to admit that his voice was bad - everything went off the tune and he was not melodious at all. But November Rain and Kenangan Terindah were romantic enough for me. Don't Cry seemed to be a very good idea at that time. I don't know. His effort is well remembered. But then again, do I want to have a partner who sings for me? Maybe. I would want too.

Singing is romantic and several guys are doing it.

But can the songs challenge the other romantic part which I craved the most from my partner? My late grandfathers used to do this quite often. They woke up from deep slumber at late night; sitting on the sejadah while reciting the holy verses in Al-Quran. After that, they would pray for their loved ones especially their wives. I remember the part when my late grandfather cried while reciting because the Yasiin was meant to be for my late grandmother who passed away before him.

He loved her.

And he dedicated the best lyrics ever.

Some say that you tend to choose a partner who has the similar character like your father.

Pls folks, pray that I have a person whose quality resembles my late grandfathers.

Terima kasih, Cinta.

Amin!

sha: goodbye my third place

Seremban is a small town. Yes, I admit that. It is a place with less shopping complexes and no specific "hip and cool" lepak place. Some people say, "Seremban ni apa ada..." Some people laugh at this small town and compare it with KL. Cewwwaah..!!! Yelah..yelah...for someone whose parents' might not be originated from Seremban, you can say a sh*t about this place. As for me, this place is somewhere I called - "tanah tumpahnya darahku!" (check out the verse from national anthem...hehe)

I can be very defensive about Seremban. Sometimes people think that my defences are up for nothing because their argument is true. Yes, for someone who is not into chasing modernisation too much, I might be a little bit old fashion. But if everyone loves the big city life, then who will appreciate the small town peacefulness? In my opinion, sometimes, it is not just about modernisation. Have you heard of gayatisation, folks?

The root word is "gayat".

Where a person thinks that everything in big city is good and everything in small town is bad.

Where the person forgets the origins of his parents and look down on his own ancestors.

Sometimes it is funny when they say, "I lepak kat Pavi," when what they did was lepaking at Pavilion's corridor. "I shopping kat KLCC," when they walk in front of Salvatore Ferragamo's;)

Arghh...forget about it. I'd rather enjoy my cendol here in this small town:P

People who are staying in Seremban are not necessarily originated from Seremban. It might be that I'm just being emotional about this because my parents are from this place too. They don't buy the house here because it is cheaper than KL. They don't stay here because they don't want to stay in kampung. And because this is our kampung, we just hate to see people criticise it so much;)

So, since people are criticising Seremban too much, who would have guessed that the town has a place called Starbucks?

When Howard Schultz inspired the third place concept for Starbucks, I was unaware of it. I just wanted to find a place with Wi-Fi to finish my task. Since I was staying in a small town like Seremban, there were only few options in hand. The nearest was newly opened Starbucks in Seremban Parade. It was near to the commuter station. So, when I went to work, I stopped there to do my stuff or even to blog;)

One day, one of Starbucks' barista approached me. He talked to me and we became acquaintance

since then. He told me that the company was sending him to Cameron. I told him that the place should be a nice place to work. I mean, experience does not know the meaning of location, kan?

Then, another barista approached me and we talked about blogging. She was a blogger too; so we shared a great deal of stories. It was raining cats and dogs that evening, so she invited me to a session called coffee tasting - where they talked about their products and learned more about it. I learned about Starbucks more than I knew I could that day. And I got to know the baristas as well!

Eventually, I became the regular customer and visitor. The people there knew my preferences. They won't bother about the time I spent there. Sometimes, they introduced new stuff to me too. My hectic days became quiet the moment I entered Starbucks - I just sipped my drinks while I was doing my work. The comfortable chairs provided me the space I wanted. Messy things at work has been replaced by the calmness of my sanctuary. Nobody disturbed me there;)

One fine day, the place had literally became my work place.

A day after I left my job in the baby milk factory, I went to Starbucks to get a part time job. Yeah...I guess some people might think that it was a crazy idea. But only I knew what I was doing. One day, I shall explain my actions to you, folks. Those were the days when I wanted to be Michael Gates-Gill;)

My retail experience was fantastic~! I learned more about myself when I was working there. I learned about people when I was working there too. And of course, I learned about Starbucks' product and services. I mean, people accused Starbucks of selling non-halal products and things like that - I knew better when I was the one who prepared those, folks;)

That was the time I learned about the third place concept too. What is third place concept?

Wikipedia:

"Starbucks uses the term the third place in its marketing because it vies to be the "extra place" people frequent after home and work. This idea came from a marketing concept by Howard Schultz. In an attempt to make Starbucks a "home away from home", the café section of the store is often outfitted with comfortable chairs, as well as the usual tables and hard-backed chairs found in cafés. Free electricity outlets are provided for patrons, and many branches also have wireless internet access, provided on a charge basis by T-Mobile and AT&T. Many larger retail stores also host "mini-concerts" for local musicians.

In August 2009, Starbucks stated, "We strive to create a welcoming environment for all of our customers. We do not have any time limits for being in our stores, and continue to focus on making the Third Place experience for every Starbucks customer."

I served latte to a lawyer who came there at 5pm everyday.

I served Chocolate Chip Frappucino to a bunch of medic students who would come at 6pm everyday.

There was an architect who showed me his travelling pictures while I was serving him hot chocolate.

There was a handsome guy who had his breakfast with cinnamon rolls. Hehehe.

They came daily with their laptops. Just like me. They made the place their third place, just like I did. But guess what, folks? I was lucky because I got to experience the third place while I was wearing my office attire and when I was wearing Starbucks' green apron:)

So, when I received a message from my ex-supervisor stating that this place was about to be closed, my mind drifted to several memories. The smiley days and the crying days. As an officer who came with the laptop and as a barista who served the drinks and cleaned the floor.

I came to the farewell party immediately after I finished work - I left KL at 5.30pm! An abnormal routine, indeed. And a day before it was due to be closed, I took this picture (with one of my the fellow blogger! But we'll talk about that later, shall we?)

Goodbye, my third place. You were the witness of a life. The person's name is Sha.

Oh, we still have one more Starbucks in Seremban, folks! It is in Seremban 2;p

Alaaa...kecohlah, Sha. Seremban apa adaaaaaaaaa.....

Shut up!

sha: those were the days...

Hershey's Dark Chocolate Cherry Cordial Crème kisses
Originally uploaded by desertculinary

I see ya blowin' me a kiss
It doesn't take a scientist
To understand what's going on baby
If you see something in my eye
Let's not over analyze
Don't go too deep with it baby

Remember your secondary school days? I hope you are because I am remembering it now. Those were the days when special dedication was the event you were waiting for(especially if you're from the era of 90s!). You'll fill up the form to send chocolate, candy, flowers or apple to your teachers, special ones, to your friends or even to your crush. Oh yeah...I remember Vochelle really...really well, folks;)

Talking about crush, folks, I am remembering the time when I had a crush of my own called Garfield. Yes, I talked about him in my posting for Orkid's Cafe. I remember the feeling when I saw him across the canteen table or when he walked passed the corridor. Huh! He was one memorable cute guy whom I can still remember after 11 years;)

And I had this crush when I was in college - he was riding CBR1500cc and he had a very nice ponytail on his head. Hehe. I didn't know what I was thinking - but he made me walked across the hot sun in campus! But it was for a good cause, though. The hot rising sun was providing me the Vitamin E to go to English class. And it made me happy to see the sunshine there as well:P

It's just a little crush (crush)

Not like I faint every time we touch

It's just some little thing (crush)

Not like everything I do depends on you

Sha-la-la-la, Sha-la-la-la

Yes, I had several crush. It was way before Sepet came into the picture. Those were the days when I thought that physical attraction was mutual. Those were the days when I had certain criterias of good looking guys. Those were also the days when I had the time to scan for cute guys around me. Those were the days when I was enthusiastic to talk about the ones I just saw near a general subject classes!

Those were the days...

Yup, those were the days when I was young.

Questions:

Folks...

Am I old? Or I'm not as understanding as I thought I was?

Wikipedia:

"Puppy love (also known as a crush or calf love even "kitten love") is an informal term for feelings of love between young people during childhood and adolescence,[citation needed] so-called for its resemblance to the adoring, worshipful affection that may be felt by a puppy."

I am seeing a girl who is infatuated with someone.

I can see the possibility of a crush here...

And I'm not feeling good about this at all.

sha: thank goodness it's friday!

Stuffed Sweet Potatoes

Originally uploaded by Balakov

23rd of April 2010. I'm craving for TGI Fridays Potato Skin. But I can't afford those right now. I am thinking of when exactly my salary day will be. Actually, I'm the one who is going to decide that. But, my capability is showing that I am just a human. I'm exhausted physically and mentally - my eyes are too sleepy while I'm typing this. Folks, I need a break!

Most people love Fridays because it will be the last working day of the week. But I'm sure going to hate today. I know for a fact that when I reach that building near KLCC this morning, there will be tons of work waiting for me - and that will be the work which is going to determine when exactly I will get the money to eat the potato skins!

Nothing is easy in life, kan folks?

I am craving for so many things beside potato skin. Movie breaks, travelling adventures, funny companions, cool sea breeze - they are parts of the long list.

And now I wonder, if I crave too much when I am not married, what will happen if I'm pregnant?

Mengidam apa?

Hihihi...that will be a very special day, I hope. Right now, I just want to have a peaceful 3 hours sleep of mine while dreaming of something else besides my office, my boss and the figures I'm working at right now.

Oh yeah....

I crave for a sweet dream;)

Question:

Do you crave for anything today? What is it?

sha: i'm not scha!

Fishing nets St Ives

Originally uploaded by londonpadmayogini

"Hi Scha Al-Yahya..." my officemate acknowledged me that morning.

"Hi...errmmm...aku bukan Scha Al-Yahya laaa..." I said with a smile.

"Okay pe Scha Al-Yahya..." he challenged with a smile.

"Tak okay...takmo...nama aku lain..."

"Kau tak suka dia ke?"

"Taklah. Tak berkenan je beb..." then I left.

Michael Schumacher was racing with Lewis Hamilton for fourth place in Granprix Shanghai when I was typing this posting. It has suddenly reminded me of the morning when he called me Scha and I said that my name is Sha. Poor guy...it was not him. It was that lady who called herself Scha. She said she was inspired to choose the name because she admired Schumi (Michael Schumacher) so much, so she changed the spelling of her name to Scha.

Well, that's not new. When Fauziah Latiff was married to Johan Endot, she changed her name from Gee to Jee. Aida Rahim changed to Aida Radzwill. Even our Joyah - Norlia Ramli was Norlia Ghani before!

Never mind about the artists' mentality. Let them do what they do. Though I have to admit that I dislike the fact that my favourite F1 star was allegedly the influence of Scha's name - I have to accept the mediocre shining star is using that name as a stage name. Ohhhh...what to do kan?

Whatever.

I don't do things because one artist is doing it. But recently I have been seeing people who so wanted to be like an artist, they forgot that there were several more idols out there that they should follow. Take wedding planning for instant. One wanted a cake like this and that because the one shown in this artist wedding was nice.

Another example was the onw I saw in the annual dinner - one wants to wear nets on her hair instead of tudung because this artist was wearing a fishing net to cover her big bun and match it with Cinderella's stepmother's dress. I mean, fishing net is fine. Mari menjala! Luckily there was no award given. Otherwise, I might be seeing their husbands' thick moustache plastered on their cheeks too:P

At least I don't see any Lady Gaga in real life!

But, do we want to spread news about our breakups just like how the artists are doing it? Do we want to tell the whole world about the misdemeanor we have done with our partner and be cool about it?

I saw Scha in the tv - talking non-stop about her breakup with Fahrin. I mean, artists are human too. She had that freedom of speach - fine. But talking non-stop and enthusiastically did it? Well, my interest towards Dania with sweaty armpits went down the drain after that show.

Why was that?

When I was invited to join the groups - I Hate Linda Onn or I Hate Fahrin Ahmad or I Hate whatever, I was holding my breath - thinking that the relationships were overrated. I thought that the public was the one to blame.

But then again, this I Hate thing is causing the growth of I Hates this and that until my FB was full of it - and I had to throw them out. Well, that was too much for someone who rarely use FB.

When you loved someone, you said good things.

When you don't love that someone anymore, you started to say bad things.

What will happen if you ever make up?

Will you say good or bad things?

Oh...I've forgotten. The industry is developing; therefor there might be the chance of Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton!

You might be thinking that Sha is pissing off over nothing. Actually, last Sunday I have watched the wrong show. I watched Melodi because I wanted to see the actual story of the death of Achik Spin. The incident happened in Seremban. Of course I cared!

Unfortunately, I had to watch this one not-so-glamour artist called Buzen who constantly cursed during his interview. What made me angry was the fact that he said,

"Check DNA. Kalau betul aku punya, aku punya. Kalau tidak macam mana aku nak cakap aku punya!"

Amboi. So, were you admitting that you slept with that girl? You were indirectly saying that sleeping around was a trend? Come on, show some good examples la! The more he said things, the more he got carried away with his words. Oh...he even forgot that his saliva was bubbling at the corner of his mouth!

That's why you need brain. Have you heard of Public Relations?

Maybe I should think of changing my name too...

Shalonso

Shamilton

Shamassa

Shavettel

Shabutton

Shaberg....eh, macam Carlsberg?

Or Sharichello...hihi...this sounds really nice:P

Perhaps, I should talk about my ex too. Tell the whole world about what type of person Sepet is. Or use foul languages.

Baru macam artis beb!

sha: the pot and kettle clan

Gingerbread kettle

Originally uploaded by cedarjunction

Aku wanita yang punya cinta di hati

Dan dirimu dan dirinya dalam hidupku

Mengapa terlambat cintamu telah termiliki

Sedang diriku dengan dia tak begitu cinta

Woman #1

"Aku tak cintakan suami aku." The statement fell easily from her mouth. I remember hearing this few years ago from a moderately pretty lady. Moderate? Woowww...that sounds underestimating, don't you think?

But I can't help it. She IS indeed a moderate looking lady.She was tall and not so curvy. I could simply said that she was FLAT. Her body posture was too moderate for me to call her beautiful. In my opinion, since she was the one and only tall and slim Malay woman in the company, she created attention. If I put her in Petaling Street, surely no one could differentiate her with the Indonesian factory workers. None would know that she was an executive!

Folks, please don't pay attention to me. I was just being choosy in giving compliments;)

Honestly, I didn't give a damn about how she looked like. Everything was created by Allah. Kan?

But her statement was disturbing. I mean, you were saying that you don't love your husband? I mean, I saw your dating pictures! He was your boyfriend and you looked infatuated. If that was not love, how did you determined love then?

Yes, perhaps that was not love. Love was when you used the direct line the company was giving you to seduce someone else's husband. Or perhaps, when you were using the company's laptop to chat with your paramours. When you charmed them with your smile and sweet voice. Or when you couldn't have your lunches with the ladies as you liked having man as your companion. Love was when your kids were at home and you played single at work;)

Beauty lies in the eyes of beholder. Too bad I was looking at the attitude rather than physical looks;)

Woman #2

"Laki akulah satu-satunya. Aku takkan cari yang lain," she said confidently.

But everytime people searched for her during lunches, she was with a bujang terlajak; riding his Honda to eat outside the compound. Every morning she would report her conversation she had with the old bachelor - stating their joined concern for the department and company. Kononnyelah! I mean, what was the use of department meetings?

The question was, when most of the time you complained about the lack of time you had with your children, how could you explain those hours that you spent to talk to another guy beside your husband? How could you explain the complains that you made to others about your husband? The rough surface on his feet or his snoring habit in bed that you let others knew?

Of course, we weren't really interested in knowing your husband either. But since you were providing extra information...hmmmmmm...Can you at least say one good damn thing about him? Why were you praising another man, for goodness sake?

Her normal sour expression turned sweet the moment bujang terlajak had his tea with her. If she was someone who answered enquiries curtly when it came to others, she was totally a different person when it came to him. Her tone was light and cheerful, she knew how to laugh than scowl:P

Wowwww...that bujang terlajak surely keep some magical spells!

Not Menopause Yet!

"We're just friends."

A very popular statement indeed. I mean, yes, I have friends who eat lunch with their colleagues. But they were not specifying on one particular collague - having every single meal together - from breakfast to supper? Oh, I forgot. Those married women were still sharing the bowls of supper with their husband. Unless, they were going for outstation, of course:)

So, tell me folks...what do you think of Woman #1 and Woman #2 when they said...

"Sha, kau jangan kawan dengan Mimi tuh. Dia bercinta dengan suami orang! Dah sampai ke bilik tidur! Gedik...miang...mengorat laki orang!"

Look who's talking!

I smiled cynically. Yeah right, ladies. Mimi never said any word about you, old girls.

Bercinta dengan suami orang? Woman #1, kindly look at the mirror now!

Dah sampai ke bilik tidur? Women, if she was an untried virgin, science could prove it. How about you? Pillow fight accusation is serious - berdosa!

Gedik...miang....? Women, how should I address your actions then?

That particular single lady didn't have a sacred matrimony of their own to protect!

The pot is calling the kettle black, as usual.

The Taxi Driver

"Adik tau, pagi tadi ada budak dalam bangunan ni kena tangkap basah? Seorang isteri orang, seorang suami orang. Buat projek dalam office..." the traffic jam near Jalan Ampang was not that boring with the talkative taxi driver.

I chuckled.

"Saya tak faham, dik. Perempuan tu ada anak tiga...kenapa dia buat macam tu?"

Personally, I couldn't understand it either. The level of maturity for the women above 30 years old, married, and have kids might be more complicated than I thought. But my friends managed it. Why can't they?

Sha: Dah tau tak cinta, kenapa kahwin juga?

Oh, Woman #2 answered me that question once - "Sebab aku nak anak."

Question:

Should I just marry any Tom, Dick or Harry to get Orkid, folks?

sha: i felt the pyar heiiii...!!!

colorful fields of tulips

Originally uploaded by jodi_tripp

Dulhan Si Saji Dharti Khula Yeh Aasman

Bulata Hai Humein Phir Woh Chaahat Ka Samaa

Aa Ab Laut Chalen

I could see his tongue flipping while his mouth formed the words. He smiled with his thin lips. His large hands held out to me while his tall frame casted shadows on the red tulips behind him. Oh...my hero!

I didn't reach out and grasp his hands. Instead, I covered my face with my orange beaded and embroidered shawl. My face flushed with embarassment. I wish he could see it, but he was approaching me with a grace of sprinting predator. Oh, machonyeeee!!!

Anjaan Tha Maein Naadan Tha Maein

Tere Pyar Ko Jo Na Samajh Paaya

Tune Itna Bechain Kiya

Maein Tere Paas Chala Aaya...

His whispered words were as sweet as endearment - and when I felt the heat of his chest on my back, I had shyly turned my face towards his. His thumb lifted my double chin and I finally met his gaze. Gossh. I didn't realise that he had such a beautiful eyes before. Those eyelashes were long and curly - a small girl would be dying to have a couple of those. A flaming hot desire crept to my system. If only I could lift my hands and touch his cheeks...mmmmmm....I was shy!

Teri Saansein Mera Jeevan

Mere Dil Mein Tera Ghar Hai

Zara Dekhe Koi Isko

Yeh Jannat Se Bhi Sundar Hai

With my red cheeks and girly uncertainty, I ran into the field of red tulips. The wind blown on my long hair, my turqoiuse shawls flew behind me and blown by the wind.

The man captured the shawl and ran after me. I grinned at him and he grinned at me. I ran...and ran...and ran... before stumbled on the bed of red tulips. He fell on the ground too. I lifted my palm to caress the rough planes of his cheeks. Mmmmm...hairy...

Bina Tere Nahin Chaina

Nahin Chaina Yahaan

Aa Ab Laut Chalen ...

We smiled to each other before I felt his pointed nose on my cheeks...Ooohh....Pyar...Pyar...!!!

"Sha, dah...dah...kemas barang. I hantar you balik sekarang!"

Eh, his voice? Why does it sounds too familiar now?

Duuupp...!!!

I heard the sound of closed door. And when I lifted my face, I saw a man cleaning up his desk across my glass windows. My vision blurred. He looked different. No kurta, and I was not wearing a turqouise shawl either. Where is the man in my dream? Who is that man?

I was confused.

Ooopsss...the man was approaching again.

"Kemas ye? Balik sekarang. Sambung besok," he said.

"Okay," I said slowly. Somehow, this man has pulled me out of my sweet dreams just now! I just managed to pull the beard of my hero when he called me. Adooiii...but his face was disturbing. Why is that?

"Err...boss?" I called up slowly.

"Haaa?"

"I think you better shave la. Nampak macam Bangla. Hehe..." I looked down my files. I was too scared to look at him directly.

And the man in front of me smiled.

"Yeke...?" he grinned.

"Yup!"

"Okaylah. Besok I shave. Eh tak...malam ni I shave, okay..." he said shyly.

I nodded shyly too. Perggghhh...pengakuan berani mati tu, Sha! Luckily he didn't scold me!

Oh Sha...what a dream!

Back to reality...

Spring. It's time to see the flowers. Guess what Sha was doing last weekend? I was checking out two Malaysian blogs which were featuring the spring pictures abroad. If only I'm in Edinburgh or Kuopio!

So,I created my own imagination - thinking about the places I wanted to be beside Seremban and Jalan Ampang. My third place has been shut down. So, no more Starbucks Seremban Parade. Besides, I need a place where I can be close to nature and things like that...so, where?

So, my dream lingered in the field of red tulips in Holland;)

"Baik-baik jalan. Jangan jatuh," my boss said to me before I went out of his car that night.Oh yeah...I stumbled in front of KLCC few weeks ago, folks. With few bruises and cut knee, I had also torn my jeans. Adoi.

It's not like in Bollywood movies - where when you stumble, you'll stumble on bed of red tulips.

Aa Aab Laut Chalen...Let's go home...

sha: love comes to those who believe it

While I was watching Charice and Celine Dion in Oprah's Best Moments, I had this crave of listening to the song "My Love" from Celine Dion. Suddenly I recalled the CD I bought last year - a compilation of Celine's best song. Yes, the song was there!

I checked on my double CD - one was missing. I guess it might be because of my own negligence when I was moving house. Aduuuiiyaaiii...what a lost. Luckily I made some backups:)

I didn't realise that I was listening to the whole album until I reached Track 6 in CD 2 - That's The Way It Is.

"Love Comes to Those Who Believe It..."

Celine made it sound so simple, I repeated the same verse over and over again until I almost believed it.

Then I remembered a story about a friend who started her love life since school. She became someone's best friend without realising that she had a crush on him.

Things lingered until college - I became the witness of undivided devotion of a woman who knew what or who she wanted. She loved only once and she loved him.

But he had other girls. Yet she waited for him.

They took thousand miles of love across the seas in few different countries. There were heartache and pain but after more than 10 years of believing in love, the man of her dreams was finally chasing her and confessed his love.

When I came back from work on Friday, their wedding card was on my bed;)

She believed in love. She believes in Allah.

She found love.

I guess Celine's song writer was right.

Ibu said this while hugging me on her bed this evening:

"Carilah boyfriend. Kahwin. Nanti kakak ada kawan..."

With this particular friend getting married next month, it means that my single population is going to extinction.

The thing is, I wonder whether love will come to the person who might not believe it. Not anymore.

Eh, am I talking about myself?

sha: marrying mat jambu

pink guava

Originally uploaded by moonberry

I was sitting alone - sipping my Teh O Halia after finishing my Nasi Goreng Ayam when three macho guys were approaching me. One wore a white striped shirt, the other one was wearing purple striped black shirt and another one was wearing blue plain shirt. Their figures were humonguous!

"Makan sorang ke Cik Adik?" a deep husky voice behind me sounded too familiar.

I turned my back and saw them. Yes, they are the familiar faces I see from 9am to 5pm everyday. I smiled and they sat at my table. It was something I didn't plan because I was just inviting one of them but three of them came at the same time. Well, at least I have companion;)

I was lucky. Since I have three brothers and lived among men, having these three masculine male around me was not a problem at all. They chatted, they smoked, they talked secret codes but I couldn't be bothered.

Then they started to laugh.

"What?" I asked.

One of them smiled, "Kau amik port dia," he said.

Aaaahhhh...I smiled with satisfaction. I was forgetting the fact that I was eating at one of the famous mamak; the most strategic one; where all the hot chicks will try to lepak. Mmmmhmmmm...suddenly I realised that the spot I was seating was too good to be true. I could see lots of bums and valleys from there! Yuummmyyyyy...(if I'm a guy). But I'm not. Hehehe.

"Sori, bro. Ni port aku gak," I said while grinning.

"Laaaa....kau pon mengusha jugak ke?" he asked incredulously.

"Kau ingat pompuan tak buat ke?" I asked back. Then I ducked my head to check out the scenery in front of me. I saw a guy lit up his ciggy; his eyes were beautiful but his teeth was not. Black with cavities. Aduhhh...reject!

"Nieh...yang kat meja ni tak menarik ke?" he asked me.

"Tak," I answered simply.

"Apasal plak?" they probed.

"Kau laki orang, " I said. And they laughed with their deep voices. The girls were looking at me. Hehe. A deal of pride crept on my cheeks. The girls might be gorgeous, but they didn't have those beautiful people at their table:P

"Yang ni?" he pointed to the person beside me.

"Jambu. Taknak," I answered.

"Oiiiii...aku jambu ye!" the person retaliated. I laughed. The other two were laughing too.

"Yang ni?" they asked tactfully and showed the person in front of me.

My cheeks flushed.

"Yang ni aku taknak komen..."I said while laughing nervously.

No. I won't comment about the person who gave me my job, obviously:P

"Sha, aku nak tanya kau sikit. Dekat office kita siapa yang paling handsome kat ko?" they asked.

I looked at them. They were waiting for answer. Or most precisely, digging for answer.

"Takde." One word and they gave me unsatisfied look.

"Takde?"

"Takde." And they smiled knowingly. Cool Sha, don't give them any clue:P

That was the end of the probing session. Me, Mat Jambu, Mat Dah Kahwin, and Mat No Komen enjoyed our meal afterward. But I guess, I was enjoying my view with the rest of them too. Oooo...there came the guy with thin lips! But he had freckles...hmmm....no...no...

While sipping the last drop of my Teh O Halia, I was thinking about my own statement. Jambu. Mat Jambu. We associate this with a guy with fair skin, pink lips and boyish look. Like Dafi. Or Yusri KRU during his glory days. Or Leonardo when he was playing Jack in Titanic. Even Jimmy Lin when he was a poster boy.

Since the lips are mostly pinkish, the eyes are clear and the skin is fair, people tend to perceive Mat Jambu as less macho. I disagree with this. Most Mat Jambus I met were bad boys - they were tough and confident and they didn't say "Baik Punyeeeeee!!!"

As a woman, I don't fancy having a Mat Jambu as my boyfriend or husband. But Allah is great. Regardless how many times I said I didn't want a fair guy, I got one. Then another. That 's why people said, "You'll get what you wish you don't get"

But Mat Jambu is not bad after all. (this is in general, not the Mat Jambu who ate with me)

If marrying Mat Jambu is going to make Orkid looks like Agnes Monica, why not?:P

sha: bee and honey

Hydrangea

Originally uploaded by imbala

"And it's just like honey

When your love comes over me

Oh baby I've got a dependancy

Always strung out

For another taste of your honey

It's like honey

When it rushes over me

You know sugar never ever was so sweet

And I'm dying for you

Crying for you

I adore you

Boy you know your love addicted me

And I'm strung out on you, darling

Don't you see

Every night and day

I can hardly wait

For another taste of honey...."

Someone asks me why is he not performing as he usual does. My answer: "Maybe it's because your love hormone is bursting, it takes your IQ down to half." The person looked at me peculiarly and started to make a logic out of my statement. But it seemed to me that the logic was not working at all. I guess my statement was half true - since the IQ is down to half, don't you think it is logical enough for someone not to be able to make any logic out of my statement, by the way?

Okay. I'm not pinalising anyone who is in love because I used to be in love too. Maybe, at this point my romantic sense is not as showy as it used to be. Perhaps that is the reason my logical senses is more obvious. For some reason, I am craving for the direction of logical love.

But people said that love is mysterious.

Love is wonderous.

Love is full of surprise.

Love is magical.

Yes, maybe the logical love I'm searching does not exist at all.

So, it is not so surprising to see the B and Honey these days:

A girl is calling her boyfriend B for several reasons:

B - Baby

B - Bucuk

B - Bang

B - Hubby

B - Boss

Eheeemmm..I used to use the last one. Hehehe.

A man is calling his partner Honey to charm, to sooth or perhaps...to gain confidence.

When my love hormone was bursting, I used to think that B and Honey was cute and romantic. I mean, I loved to hear the longing sound of "B...................." like the one used by Ifa Raziah in Sesuci Qaseh Ramadhan. It sounded gedik and seductive:P

And Honey was a perfect combination.

But these days, when my logical senses are working out, there are times when I think that B and Honey is more like:

"Kalau engkau kumbang, akulah bunganya."

Bee and Honey.

Not Baby, not Bucuk and not Hubby.

But Bee - the insect.

A good combination yet dangerous.

Bee came to Honey just for the money then he left her.

Bee came to Honey just for the sex then he left her.

Bee came to Honey just for security then he left her.

Perhaps, that is the reason why people love to think romantically than logically.

Because the truth is so scary.

But then again...

Calling B and Honey is not that scary.

What about Mummy and Daddy?

In the end, Mummy gets pregnant and Daddy lari!

Are you reading the newspaper today, folks?

sha: mari respect awek - tapi yang cun jelah

Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

When I was in college, there was one guy whom I knew wanted to approach one of my friends. He was infatuated with her - he made the craziest statements of her in community forum and he called her several times. I remember the times when he came over all the way from Shah Alam to UNITEN just to see her. Well, I guess that was what we called infatuation. I have no idea what was the status of the relationship, but it was certainly none of my business.

We met in few occassions and eventually I realised this:

He only talked to the prettiest girls in the crowd and he talked to them nicely. When the least physically attractive girls were approaching him, he talked to them too. But the tone was different, his language was different and I guess being in his clan was making him felt important. So, I excluded myself from his crowd - knowing that I couldn't be part of it. Besides, who cares?

One day, we chatted through YM. I didn't know how we started to chat, but we did. He talked about his passion in Selangor FC. And he talked about the girls who were putting their interest in him. He showed off their pictures - while he told me how he managed to tackle them. He kept on repeating - "cun tak awek ni?"

At first, I just hung on there, thinking that it was normal for a guy to brag about the girls he was going out with. But as time went by it became so nauseating - I asked him about his attitude. He was so excited to tell me about his preferences in women, he forgot that he mentioned this:

He said - "awek cun bolehlah aku cakap elok2. kalau tak cun...buat apa aku cakap elok2..."

Guess that he didn't realise that he was talking to awek tak cun;P

After few years, he was in my FB list. We didn't really acknowledged each other until the match between Selangor and Negri Sembilan recently. Apparently, seeing my picture in my own Facebook pissed him off.

So, when I tagged a picture of Negri Sembilan and Kedah fan shaking hands - I was not surprised when he tagged his other friends too. As expected, they used foul languages which might caused them red cards in any football matches.

One of those comments was from a stranger called Cik Erin:

i hope that selangor fans would see this. this is what we called football..<
PASTU TETIBE >> Tp dia (lelaki) bawak segerombolan geng2 dia kat dalam pix yang aku (PEREMPUAN) tag dia seorang. Hak tuuuiii....nasib baik aku bukan lelaki dowwwhhhh.... << class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; ">.. HAHAHA.. KO NAK SGT ORG SELANGOR TGK GAMBO KO NIH... PASTU BILE ORG KOMEN KO MENGGELABAH PLAK.. CAM HANJJJJ LA KO NIH.. AHAKS~

ko bajet gamba ni menunjukkan fans n9 ni bagus la ek? kalo ko nak aku kasik ngko gamba fans2 selangor ngan fans negeri lain besalam pon boleh beb tp aku malas jek.. sbb ko ni jenis yg perasan ngko je yg bagus.. ngko je yg tau pasal bola.. kalo kate bodoh kang nanges.. mmg sejak dr dulu antara fans x bmusuh.. yg bemusuh pon hanya segelintir je contohnye org yg xde otak n kepala hotak dia letak kat lutut asik pk nak provok org jek.. anyway, tahniah la n9 menang.. kurangkan kontroversi, tingkatkan prestasi.. jom pi SONGKHLA~!! hahaha.. ;)

What do you think folks? I don't even know this girl. Funny huh?

Question: Awek nieh mesti cun kan? That's why the guy respect her despite the bad language? Hanjjj? Who let this dog out?

sha: i want to hold your hand

76 - Hold my hand, I'll take you everywhere.

Originally uploaded by whatmegsaid

Revenge. I learned about the truest meaning of that word last Friday. That was the day when Sepet picked me up from work. Then he had his dinner in Kampung Baru with me. He was having a fever and high blood pressure yet he decided that would be the best day to eat lamb chop and met and ex-girlfriend. Hehe. Crazy guy.

Since when did he failed to intrigue me with his stubbornness?

But what a minute, what was Sepet doing with me? I told you that we broke up, right?

But then again, as my blog reader, or as my friend, you know I won't hold any grudges on him. Regardless how angry I was with him when it came to our relationship - I will still regard him as someone I used to love. That love should at least make me sane in providing comments on our relationship. I won't talk bad about the people I love;)

So, as both of us were being patient about the traffic, we talked about what happened to us. It has been five years and we ended up choosing different path. Why? In the end, it was all about revenge.

Me: Sha takkan marah, takkan dendam.

Sepet: Me too.

Me: So, we agree to call it off tonight, kay?

Sepet: (silent)

Me: Awak...?

Sepet: Okay.

Me: Kalau you kahwin, you mesti cakap ngan I.

Sepet: *sigh*

Me: Kalau I kahwin dengan orang lain, will you come?

Sepet: You takkan kahwin dengan orang lain.

Me: Oh...come on!

Sepet: As far as that is concerned, I know you won't.

Me: I WILL.

Sepet: (chuckled). You love me.

Me: I was.

Sepet: You still are.

Me: You have to let me go.

Sepet: I am.

Me: Then why are you still holding my hand?

Both of us looked at our joined hands silently. Habit. We have to let it go.

"Oh yeah, I´ll tell you something

I think you'll understand

When I say that something

I wanna hold your hand

I wanna hold your hand

I wanna hold your hand..."

Me: Dahlah tu...okay...? (said that very...very...softly)

Sepet: Okay...

Me: Kalau ada dosa Sha...

Sepet: Memang banyak! (he countered while smiling)

Me: Soriiii...(I looked into his eyes while I said that)

Sepet: The fault was on my side, Sha.

Me: Tau takpe. (I grinned but my chest felt the pain)

Sepet: No revenge?

Me: Tak.

Sepet: Sure?

Me: Tak.

Sepet: Tak sure?

Me: Ntahlah. *sigh*

Sepet: You're still angry. I know.

"Oh, please, say to me

You'll let me be your girl

and please, say to me..."

Me: We have gone through so many phases of goodbyes.

Sepet: But after few companions, we'll come back to each other.

Me: Now, that is YOUR statement. Not mine.

Sepet: Because I will always come back to you. I tak boleh dengan orang lain.

Me: (in my heart I was saying, "same goes here...")

"And when I touch you i feel happy, inside

It's such a feeling

That my love

I can't hide

I can't hide

I can't hide..."

Sepet: You made me a happy man when I was with you...

Me: But it's not strong enough for us to make plans?

Sepet: Kalau kita kahwin...

Me: Kalau?

Sepet: Shaaaa....!!!

Me: The problem with us - we say "what ifs"...but we don't say "we are going to"

Sepet: (silent)

Me: Even if you want to, you'll have to ask yourself several times. In the end, you'll realise that marrying me is not what you want.

Sepet: (silent)

Me: Our love is not going anywhere, my love...

"Yeah you, got that something

I think you'll understand

When I say that something

I wanna hold your hand

I wanna hold your hand

I wanna hold your hand..."

Sepet: We were very confident with our future before.

Me: Unfortunately shit happened and we couldn't go back to where we were before.

Sepet: I taknak u benci I.

Me: Did that. It didn't work, sadly.

Sepet: Did that too.

Me: And?

Sepet: Didn't work either.

Me: And since we have no future...let's just say love is gone, no hate and the feeling is neutral?

Sepet: Okay...

Me: And why the hell are you still holding my hand?

"And when I touch you I feel happy, inside

It's such a feeling

That my love

I can't hide

I can't hide

I can't hide..."

Sepet: This is a goodbye then?

Me: Will you stop contacting me?

Sepet: No.

Me: Will you hate me for saying goodbye tonight?

Sepet: No.

Me: No revenge?

Sepet: Not to you. No.

Me: Your last word?

Sepet: I love you.

Me: Tolonglah!!!!

Sepet: I do. So please stop saying that I just want to play with you.

Me: You are!

Sepet: No.

Me: Five years...and lepas tu u kata taknak kahwin. What is that?

Sepet: That is my fault. Tapi I sayang u. And that's a fact.

Me: Go to hell.

Sepet: Already here.

Me: Bye. I won't hate you.

Sepet: Bye. I will always love you.

Me: *sigh deeply*

Sepet: I'm sorry.

Me: No revenge. No grudges. Go...please?

Sepet: Bye, Sha.

I went out of the car without looking back.

Bye, Sepet.

2.00 a.m, 9th April 2010. I got my proper good bye.

Sha is officially single. Again.

* song: I Want To Hold Your Hand - The Beatles