Monday, August 30, 2010

ramadhan diary: blog berspider web


Spider web dew drops
Originally uploaded by !.Keesssss.!
Mmmmhmm. I got a message from Taca Yunus, telling me that my blog is now in "bersawang" mode.

Honestly, I am suddenly having a hard time to write. For some reason, the ideas just dried off, my fingers are not graciously molded to type anymore, and my senses are numb.

This is the first time it happens this year and I'm extremely hating this condition. Writing has always been my passion but right now I'm spending time playing imvu and talking to strangers rather than write.

I'm not the chatting type. Now I am.

Maybe...there are things which you just want to tell a stranger and you would rather keep it private to those who know you. Maybe...there are grey skies hovering over you and you just want to keep everything to yourself. Maybe...these are things that are happening to me.

Someone told me that I can use this blog to express my feelings. To share and tell someone what my life is all about. But I have long ago objected that option as the purpose of this blog. Well, maybe...just maybe..I should try to change.

"He knows about your blog?" he asked me. I shook my head.

"Maybe...you can use that blog of yours. Let him know through your blog. If he understands...then he'll respond," he suggested.

The thing is, have you ever been in a situation when you're speechless? For someone who is as talkative as I am, this is new.

Folks...help me. Bring me back to life. Where writing was easy.

I need your help.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

ramadhan diary: as soft as tofu fa

Bazaar. Yup...nice word. Nice sound. But different interpretation. The freaky me was having goosebumps each time I remembered the incident in Jasin. I just couldn't imagine being in the exposure of flying hot oil! Adoiiii.....

Honestly, I have been to bazaar three times this year. Two times in Seremban and one time in Ampang. My favourite? The normal plain tofu fa. For some reason, I loved to have all soft stuff for buka puasa, it felt nice and soothing and not too overwhelming.

Like some people said,
"Perut tak terkejut!"

I guess, I was taking care of the stomach and not to make it "jumpy" and I thought that it was a good practice. But how well could I controlled my desire in not buying anything I loved to feast? Very well, indeed. When work was taking over most of my time - drinking plain water and eating dates were the practice.

I guess...it was better to take care of the stomach since I haven't been taking care of my heart...and head.

"So, how's your day?"
"Day is fine."
"Buka?"
"Macam ni lah...takkan sempat sampai Seremban. So, kat sini je..." I said silently. Yes, I was emotional when it came to this. Ramadhan was supposed to be the time with the family. And I was...NOT.

"I kan ada ni..." he smiled.
I smiled back. Weakly.

Then I heard a ringtone.

"Hello. Dengan Sha...yup...sayang...I'll call you back?" his gaze was directed to me.
Then he put his phone on the table.

We were silent.

"Buka dengan dia?" I asked.
"Tak...buka dengan you. Kan I dah janji," he answered.
"I don't mind..." I smiled at him. The back of my eyes stung like HELL.
"Sha..."
"I banyak kerja. Kejap lagi I nak balik office. Takde masa nak lama-lama dengan you pun..." I gave him a matter of fact.

He just looked at me.

"I'll be fine, Arief. I'm sure I will," I looked at the soft and white tofu fa.
"You're one tough girl, Sha..." he drew his breath.

"Unfortunately, tough things are not good for your digestion. Especially when you're fasting, " I smiled with my over bright eyes. I knew for a moment in time that the waterfall with flow across my chubby cheeks.

Then he went off.
And the waterfall broke loose.
It was until he came back to pick up his Blackberry.

"Sha..."
"Hmmmm...." I smiled with the tears.
"Balik dulu..."
"Yup!" and I grinned with the tears.

It was hurtful. And I watched him walked away. I cried my heart out that night.

Maybe I should learn to become as soft as a tofu fa. Because I read an article this afternoon saying that no man in his right mind would want tough stuff.

Folks...?

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

ramadhan diary: makan ikan fishville

Farmville. Fishville.

Ramadhan is not supposed to be the month of less productivity. Yet, people tend to play games more than doing their work. Farmville. Fishville.

Can we eat fish from Fishville and vegetables from Farmville for buka?
What's the use of playing and not working?

Tell me.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

ramadhan diary: caramelly sweet billionaire


Creme caramel
Originally uploaded by Sunday Chefs
I wanna be a billionaire so "LOVING" bad
Buy all of the things I never had
Uh, I wanna be on the cover of Forbes magazine
Smiling next to Oprah and the Queen...

I had a full day meeting a day before first Ramadhan. It was freaky tiring. I was thinking about Hari Raya, of course. With tonnes of work to do, I didn't think a long holiday would be a good solution. Let others be others...I love my rice pot. Work is work. No work, no rice.

And while I was thinking about rice...I was thinking about my cousin's wedding. It would be on the third day of Hari Raya. That would be on Sunday. Uh...working on Monday would be a very bad idea. Weddings were exhaustible...

And work was number two in the list. Family came first. How I wished I was a billionaire. A masseuse to rub my back....mmmmm....

I wanna be a billionaire so "LOVING" bad
Buy all of the things I never had
Uh, I wanna be on the cover of Forbes magazine
Smiling next to Oprah and the Queen...

Then there came Ramadhan. Early morning in the office; and I was doing work as usual. I had never experienced daytime office in Ramadhan before. I was either working odd hours or worked as barista before. This year, it is totally a new environment.

I was wearing blue and enjoyed being blue myself. I just realised how odd things were without Sepet. But I shook it off, knowing that I was enjoying other things since he was no longer around. Family gatherings, for instant. My brothers called me and I left the office exactly at 4.30pm; hoping that I would reached home early.

But I didn't. I jumped into the third full train which passed KL Sentral with minor bruises as the women in the Ladies Coach were actedwithout grace. They wanted to go home too. Therefore, the extra strength they had was used to pushed other ladies around. And when I reached Bangi at 7.00pm, my face was drained with exhaustion. The station master gave us a blue package which looked like mineral water.

Except that...it was not. It was Rexona for Women deodorant at 7.15pm. How I wished I was a billionaire. Maybe I will have a water tank every where I travel...mmmmm....

I wanna be a billionaire so "LOVING" bad
Buy all of the things I never had
Uh, I wanna be on the cover of Forbes magazine
Smiling next to Oprah and the Queen...

The second day of Ramadhan was horrendous. I didn't manage to jump into any trains at all. I saw a man who was sleeping soundly in the ladies coach - while I had to bear my weight on the soles of my feet. I made friends - a lady called Shima who showed me the way to Bank Negara when waiting for the train in KL Sentral was not working out. Then I met a Chinese lady who told me how lucky I was to be myself. She talked to me all the way to Serdang.

When I reached Seremban at 8.30p.m that day, a nice boy in McDonald's prepared a Chocotop Sundae. RM1.60 tasted like RM1.6 million that day as I licked the chocolate away...

How I wished I was a billionaire. I would want to buy KTMB and made the service better...mmm....

I wanna be a billionaire so "LOVING" bad
Buy all of the things I never had
Uh, I wanna be on the cover of Forbes magazine
Smiling next to Oprah and the Queen...

The third day of Ramadhan. I was working in the office as the rain was heavy and the traffic was massive. A lovely friend accompanied me and I had Nescafe Mocha with a spoonful of salty biryani she brought from home. When the rain stopped, she sent me to the nearest LRT station. And when I reached KL Sentral, I had a sour garden pasta salad from Kenny Rogers. Alone. No friends. No Arief.

How I wished I was a billionaire. I would have a chef on my own. Perhaps, I could even buy love. Or a boyfriend...mmmmm.....

I wanna be a billionaire so "LOVING" bad
Buy all of the things I never had
Uh, I wanna be on the cover of Forbes magazine
Smiling next to Oprah and the Queen...

Then comes today. When one of the bloggers showed clips of the incidents which happened in Bazaar Ramadhan in Jasin, I was caught off-guard.

I went to Bazaar Ramadhan in my Suzuki Swift safely, despite of my bad driving. I shopped the best food and I was licking the tastiest creme caramel when I breaking the fast.

I was safe and loved by my loved ones.

Who wants to be a billionaire? I am. Still.

So that I could help other people in need and less fortunate than myself. So that I could be more thankful....

I wanna be a billionaire so "LOVING" bad...

Bersyukurlah Sha!!!

Friday, August 13, 2010

ramadhan diary: water...water..please..

Hi everyone!

Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to say that I'm not that strong to hold myself against the alluring food in front of me. Or drinks.

I just need a break.

Only for a short while...only for tonight. Maybe tomorrow I will start writing again. I'm too busy right now, balancing my life with work; at the same time finding time to do the things I love the most -reading and writing.

I hope you enjoy this Ramadhan as much as I do. Trust me, there are lots to tell! Well, it is not just about the unrequited love that I feel towards Arief. There are too many things in life that I want to share...but....

I'm filtering and censoring my own words. Ramadhan is a special month. Be careful of what you're saying...

Until then, I wish you a blessful Ramadhan. We'll see again the moment I have my sahur tomorrow morning.

This is Sha Cheryna Pires 007 writing for the loved ones out there. I just buka puasa in the office today.

Leading a lonely life, huh? Welcome to my world.

Where you're the ones who make me whole again, my readers!

Love,
Sha

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

ramadhan diary: pengat labu mat gebu

Originally uploaded by mat_gebu
"Hello Cekodok?"
"Hello Muffin?"
"Apasal tak pergi solat tarawikh ni...."
"Hmmmm?"
"You mesti kat office lagi ni kan...?"
"Yup...."
"Sha..."
"Yeee...."
"This is not good..."
"I know..."
"Masjid KLCC dekat kan?"
"Yup..."
"Kalau tak sempat, pergi sana pun boleh kan sayang?"
Silent. I was wrong. I admit.
"Sibuk pun sibuk jugak. But this is important kan..."
"Betul...."

Then he laughed silently.

"There are reasons why I like you. But this is not one the reasons okay...." he said nicely.

He knew how to say things. I felt embarrassed.
At the same time I was floating. Like me?!!!

"Of course, besides being the awek gebu macam cekodok bom....hehehe..." he teased.
"Jahat..." I said. Uik, why did I sound so manja?
"But I suka cekodok..."
"I pun suka muffin..."

Then both of us were silent for a while.

"I nak pergi dah...nanti I doakan you, okay?" he said.
"Thanks..."
"Anything special that I have to know about bulan puasa?"
"Like what?"
"Any memories? Or should I just read your blog?"
"Oooo...you don't have too. I suka pengat bila bulan puasa..." I said.
"Why?"
"Arwah nenek I selalu buat untuk berbuka...arwah atuk I suka...I pun suka..." I told him.
"After buka dengan pengat?" he asked.
"Diorang bawak pergi surau...solat tarawikh..." I said silently.
"And what happened to that practice tonight, my dear?"
I was silent again.

"Kan manis kalau you bertelekung..." and his voice was as soothing as ever!
"Thanks Arief..."
"Don't think about it. Tomorrow pergi, okay?" he said.

Ya Allah, how I wish that You give the gift of a "suami yang beriman".
Amin.

Monday, August 09, 2010

orkid's cafe: strawberry sayang pun senyap


more strawberries
Originally uploaded by cannelle-vanille
"Buat apa?"
"Makan strawberry!"
I said with a cheerful voice. Indeed, I was in a cheerful mood. Strawberry is one of the most beautiful things in the world.

He chuckled.

"Hari tu I called you makan strawberry jugak..."
"Hari tu strawberry boss bagi. Ini strawberry orang lain pulak bagi....
"I said.
"I ingatkan you beli strawberry lagi? Jadi macam hari tu, siap singgah Cold Storage cari strawberry..."
"Tak...tak...ni ada orang bagi. Bajet low. Dah kena stop makan strawberry," I grinned when I said that. That was the most honest statement I've ever made.
"Cherry?" he teased.
"Cherry mahal!"
"Tak jugak...cherry colourful orang buat kek tuh dah start jual murah dah..."
he teased again.
"Woooiiii....main-main yeee..." I warned with a laugh.
"Tak main, kacau je...."I knew he was grinning.

"Hmmm...been wondering..." he changed the topic.
"Uh-huh?"
"Kalaulah kita satu tempat kerja macam mana?"
he asked carefully.
"No way!" I answered straight away.
"Yes way?"
"Nope!"
"Yes?"
"You gila ke....benda ni bukan buat main-mainlah..."
I said angrily.
"You ni pun...you know that is not possible right?" he said gently.
"Hmmmm...." I just realised that we were totally in different field.

"Apasal cuak sangat?" he asked again.
"Tak cuak...."I felt embarrassed. I was acting like a child.
"Menggelabah jeeeeee..." he teased.
"Yup..." then I was quiet.

"Sepet?" he guessed.
I was silent.
"Right?"
Silent.
"Sha...I know about him. Ina cakap..." he said.
Silent. Again.

"Why, Sha?"
"Simple. Bila partner kita kerja sama dengan kita, dia tahu setiap kelebihan dan kekurangan kita. Ada masanya semua tu boleh digunakan dalam relationship kan?"
"Yup."
"Lebih teruk bila orang bandingkan kita. Eh..,boyfriend handsome, awek tak. Or...boyfriend high flyer, awek pulak kena action plan. Kan?"
"Mmmmhhhmmm...."

"Bila you tengah in love sangat dengan dia...orang nampak. Bila gaduh pun...orang nampak. You boleh kata you pandai sorok. Tapi kat tempat kerjalah paling banyak gossipers sebenarnya...." I continued.
"Kerja macam I ni tak boleh nak fikir tu semua. I taknak hilang kerja just because I sukakan someone..." and I heard him drew his breath.

"Sorry," he said.
"Tak kerja, takde duit. Takde duit, tak makan. Tak mandi. Kerja atau cinta?" I asked him.
"Dua-dua..."he answered.
"Not to me..." I said.
"Habis, kalau you jumpa pasangan you kat office, macam you jumpa Sepet macam mana?"
"Takkan..." I countered.
"Jangan cakap takkan..." he countered me.
"Apa you nak ni?"
"I'm just curious..."
he said.

"Kalau ditakdirkan I jumpa someone at work yang I berkenan..."
"Mmmmm...."
"I akan senyap."
Full stop.
"Senyap? Aiii...takkan Sha senyap?" he laughed softly.
"Senyap as in I won't reveal my feelings," I explained.
"Why?"
"I told you..it's not worth a pot of rice..."
"Sha...jangan..."
"Dia mesti seorang yang betul-betul sayang I for me to let go of my commitment and build a new commitment with him, okay? I have a family to take care of..."
I ended that up.

"Tapi kita tak satu tempat kerja kan?!" he asked cheerfully.

I was still chewing my strawberries.

Senyap saja.

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

orkid's cafe: muffin berbulu

Originally uploaded by csicsagatya
"Apasal muka tension nieh?" he asked.
"Takde mood."
"Takde mood? What happened?"
"Kerja...." I sighed.

"U kalau bad mood sure jadi penyenyap," he commented.
"Yup." One word.
"And I pulak tak biasa you senyap, "he smiled.
"Mmmmhhmmm..."
"So, it means I tak biasa you bad mood..." he said.
"Sori." One word. Again.

"Apasal? Maybe I can help? Cuba cerita," he offered.
"Taknaklah...pasal kerja tak payah la. Bukan ada apa sangat..." I protested.
"Try me."
"Don't want to try anyone. Just rasa nak chill....relax...take a deep breath dan kurangkan rasa nak nangis...."

"Jom...Coffee Bean?"
"For what?"
"Get some muffin...since my "muffin" is insufficient to make you happy..." he grinned.
"Taknaklaaa...baru tadi someone comment pasal kegemukan I..."
"So that is all about laaaaa..."
"No. I bad mood pasal kerja...."
"Your work is your love. Frust dengan kerja macam frust bercintalah nampaknya..." he concluded.

Then he took out a brown paper bag from the backseats.

"Nah...." he gave me.
"Muffin?"
"Ye sayang..." he grinned broadly.
"I tak cakap muffin tu. I cakap..." I was blushing.
"I beli tadi. Panas lagi ni. I rasa macam you suka je..."
"Thanks."

"Sha...you're so tense up. You tau tak?"
"Yes."
"Please...smile for me?"
"Can't."
"Why?"
"Apa you rasa kalau orang taknak dengar presentation you?" I asked.
"Frust."
"Same goes here."
"Ok...so I assume your hard work the other night went into the drain?"
"Kind of."
"Sha..."
"Arief, I mintak maaf. I betul-betul takde mood."
"And this has got something to do with meeting me today as well..." he predicted.

I nodded.

"Why?"
"Someone told me, lelaki ada dua sebab untuk spend for you - tak kisahlah spend duit ataupun spend masa..."
"And the reasons are?"
"First, if the guy likes you...Second, if the guy wants something from you..." I explained.

He was silent.

"Who are you, Arief? The one who is using a girl because he wants something from her, being nice because you know she'll do things for you...."
"Or the person who genuinely likes you...?" he interrupted.

I nodded.

"Sha...kenapa..."
"And a guy will answer a question with question to avoid the options. Kan?"

He looked at me.

"That was what happened to me. Understand? Please. I just don't want things to happen twice. Bring it on...tell me what you want. You tak payah berbudi..." my voice shook in the end. The tears were almost there.

"Sha..."
"I nak balik?"
"Let me give my answer first?"

Dup Dap Dup Dap...

What do you think, folks?'

***to be continued***

Sunday, August 01, 2010

orkid's cafe: sha cherry, not katy perry

Originally uploaded by Cik Kiah
There was a large swimming pool and I jumped into it with other people I didn't know. My gaze went to someone who was talking in the pool and I swam towards the group of people who seemed to be into a deep conversation. I joined them. But I couldn't tell the words.

Suddenly I saw someone. And that someone had a girl beside him.

No.

Then I heard an annoying sound. It was too familiar like a beeping sound but not exactly a beeping sound. Hmmm...what was it? A police alarm? What a minute. Summon? No, it couldn't be.

It was my phone.

"Hello?"
"Tuan puteri, wake up! Matahari dah tinggi," I heard his voice.
"I memang dah bangun la,"I said grumpily.
"Tidur pukul berapa semalam?"
"Lepas Subuh," I answered shortly. I could still see the pretty girl beside him. I felt burned up.
"Jangan buat macam ni, selalu...tak baik..."he said.
"Apa you buat lagi tak baik..."
"Hah? I dah buat apa?" he sounded panicky. The girl was still beside him. Or did he sound surprise?

"Siapa sebelah you tu?" I asked seriously.
"Mana ada orang sebelah I."
"Dia pakai baju putih. Rambut panjang."
I heard him laugh and said, "Dah siang la...tak jadi taktik hantu you tu..."
"Dia bukan hantu! Cantiknya. Your girlfriend? Apasal dia pakai baju macam ballerina?"
"Sha...what are talking about? Wake up, sayang..." he said softly.

Sayang?!

My heavy eyelids were opening widely. Danggg...I was sleeping and dreaming and talking to him all at the same time!

"Sayang....hello?"

"Errr....errrr..." I staggered and immediately sat up on my bed.

"You dah jaga ke belum?" he asked.

"Dah...dah...dah..." I said.

"You sihat? So, macam mana World Stage malam tadi?"
"Hmmm...okay. Lembab sket. Hujan dan panas at the same time. Katy Perry best."

"Best?"

"Mmmm...dia punya setting penuh dengan makanan. Ada lollipop, cupcakes, gingerbread...even dia punya backing singer pakai baju macam candy. Alaaa...macam style video clip dia. Start-start je dia dah kuar dari banana split. Dia siap bawak cherry lagi."

"Interesting. Dia pakai baju warna apa?"

"Putih."

"Woooo....you dreamed of me and Katy Perry?"

Ngeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.....

"Sha?"
"Yee...."
"You dreamed of me, right?"
"I mimpi Katy Perry je!"
"Katy Perry sebelah I?"
"Arief! Jangan nak menyakat boleh tak?"
"Katy Perry tu memang cantik. Tapi I lagi suka kalau Sha Cherry teman I makan banana split. Kejap pun jadilah."

I was silent. The feeling was at the roots of my hair. Shy...shy...shy...

"Takde function malam ni?" I asked.
"Got someone to cover for me tonight."
"Sure?"
"Sure."

I smiled.

"Mandilah, Sha Cherry. Cepat siap."

"Don’t be a baby
Remember what you told me
Shut up and put your money where your mouth is
That’s what you get for waking up in Vegas
Get up and shake the glitter off your clothes, now
That’s what you get for waking up in Vegas..."

I was dreaming of him. Wooooooooo....

But I woke with his voice. And that was nice;P