Thursday, November 25, 2010

sha: sha o'hara?

Originally uploaded by Luigi FDV
Bukan sengaja aku merahsiakan cinta
Tapi curiga kau kan tersalah sangka
Kerana kita rasa bangga bila dipuja
Dan rasa keji bila dihina
- Seribu Bayangan by Damasutra

One of my wildest dream is to go to a cotton field. I want to see how the plant look like. If I'm not mistaken, there was a scene of Scarlet O'hara plucking the cotton from its tree. That particular character in Gone with The Wind is my favourite, despite her stupid ego:)

Scarlet had her time of weaknesses too. She tried to be independent but at the same time she was weak with greed and jealousy. She was beautiful and she was proud about it. At the same time she couldn't have everything she wanted - including the man that she loved.

Welcome to the classic world, folks. I was twelve when my eyes shed its tears after watching Gone With The Wind:P

Someone told me this yesterday,
"You have to learn how to trust."

And I kept my silence at that time because I was showing my respect. If I followed my heart, I would have certainly objected.

Trust? Pretend that everyone is innocent.

Think:
What are you supposed to do when Salmah did this to you...

"Kenapa pointer kau teruk ye?" she asked.

"You mean?" that info was supposed to be confidential.

"Aku bukak file kau...aku baca kau nieh dulu pointer taklah bagus manaa...." she said with an accusing eyes. The triumph showed clearly as her eyes glittered devilishly.

"Pointer aku tu mencerminkan kerja aku ke?" I asked back.

"Takdelah. Tapi aku wonder jugak macam mana kau boleh dapat kerja nie..." she said chidingly.

I looked at her. That was not the first time she commented the details in my personal file. Not to mention that she tried to take my report as her report.

When you want to pluck a white and soft cotton, there is a chance for you to bleed. Cotton, as white as it is, can be hurtful.

So, don't think Salmah is innocent, okay. She is not.

I know better.

Because I am Sha O'Hara! (silalah muntah). Hehe.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

sha: if faizal tahir is my boyfriend...

Kan ku menjadi arjuna dalam mimpi-mimpimu
Kan ku panah tepat ke jiwamu atas nama cintaku
Pari-pari ku utus bawa kau ke sini lagi
Terhapus semua air mata dengan senyuman
- Selamat Malam by Faizal Tahir

When one of my brothers called yesterday, my colleague made this comment, "Garangnya kau dengan adik kau." And I laughed. I said, that was how I was talking to my brothers because my feminine phonetics and gestures were intolerable for them:)

I was not a soft hearted sister. I knew I was not perfect and there were lots of arguments on how I was handling my brothers. Being the eldest means a trial for your own parents. When they were raising you, they sought for advice from others; they tend to copy and paste other people's practice in your life. They thought they knew the best.

But that was not always the case. They were times when they failed and they wanted to make it up by using other options for the other children. So, when I met Sepet several years ago, we clicked with each other since we were the eldest and we understood the feeling of "trial and error".

Talking about trial and error. Hmmm...there was a piece of memory that I could extract from my mind (I'm no Dumbledore, but I could do that as well). A memory when I was a teenager and just came back from the boarding school for holiday.

"Kakakkkk....ibu masak sedappp...bangunlaaaaa...." said my youngest brother.

"Mmmmmmm...." I put my face on the pillow.

"Kakaaaaakkk...ibu suruh bangun...kakaaakkk...." his small hands were touching my shoulders.

I rolled at the other side of the bed.

"Kaaaakaaaakkkk....nanti ibu maraaaah...bangunlah!!!!" he screamed. Clearly, he was too anxious or too determine.

"Mmmmmmmmm!!! Diam!" I grunted.

"Kakak nieh!!! Ibu suruh banguuuun! Dia dah masaaaakkk!!!" his voice was hurting my ears.

Then he slammed my back. It was not painful but I was shocked.

"Oiiii! Sakitlah!" I scolded him and sat on the bed. He looked at me furiously.

"Bangun. Ibu suruh bangun. Kau nieh asek tido jeee..." he said.

Paaangg!!!!

I didn't know what I did but the moment I realised it, my brothers face was red and wet with tears. His small shoulders shook with sobs and he looked at me with his teary eyes.

I just slapped him. Damn.

Since then it was well known that I hated to be disturbed when I was sleeping. No loud voice. If you want to wake me up, just touch my shoulder gently. And....use the gentlest voice. Otherwise, you will see me sulking the whole day.

That's the bad Sha that you should know.

My brother is 18 this year and is a fan of Faizal Tahir. So, when he had to wake up at 1.00 am and picked his sister from the commuter station in the morning, I touched the cheeks that I slapped more than 10 years ago. Well, that is the regret that I have.

When he sang "Selamat Malam" in karaoke, I made a comment on how much I don't really fancy the song. And he said....

"Kalau Faizal Tahir nieh boyfriend kakak, dia dah kena tumbuk bertubi-tubi sebab nyanyi lagu Selamat Malam masa kakak tidur..."

Ouucccchhh!!!

Payback time.

Obviously, I would love to have a gentle voice when I'm sleeping. Like the voice of Jack Bass's whispering "Open your eyes, princess..." Hehehe...

Tumbuk bertubi-tubi? Definitely, Faizal Tahir. Watch out if I hear that song in my sleep.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

sha: panau arjuna

Selagi jasadku belum terkubur
Selagi tubuhku belum ditimpa uzur
Pantang datuk nenek moyangku berundur

Takkan ku menyerah kalah walau mimpiku musnah
Harapanku hancur sayapku patah
Akan ku pancar cahaya seperti pelita ke seluruh dunia
Akan ku pancar cahaya seperti pelita ke serata dunia
Seperti cahaya
- Pelita by A.P.I

Google Search : Hikayat Malim Deman.

Result found: forum.lowyat.net/topic/727878

Click.

Read.

Polaris: What's the whole point of this story? I could not make heads or tails out of it at all.

myhotgary2: LoL..thats why malay literature sux.. Try shakespeare.

I was looking at the screen like a mad woman. Sux? Sux? Sux? Is that the only word you know? I mean, if your English is damn good, you will definitely know to substitute that word with something else. And how good are you with Shakespeare by the way?

Go fly kites in Israel, bro. You're not supposed to stay in this country. We don't need a person with a conflict of identity here;)

The students are sitting for SPM today and I remember my stupid experience with literature. Regardless whether it was Malay or English. My lovely teachers, Cikgu Azizah and Cikgu Saodah were trying to polish my language because I only wrote about facts.

Cikgu Azizah: Saya tak risau langsung bab karangan, prosa moden nieh, Shahida. Tapi saya cukup risau prosa klasik awak ni. Teruk betul. Awak terjemah semuanya macam tu aje!

Me: Saya tak faham bahasa bunga-bunga, cikgu.

Cikgu Azizah: Kena fahamkan! Okay apa maksud perenggan ni...(she started with a paragraph of indigestible words.

Me: Mmmm....dia ada kuasa sakti, cikgu!

Cikgu Azizah: Kuasa sakti?

Me: Yelah...cikgu cakap tadi ada kilauan cahaya memancar-mancar...zaman dulu-dulu kan ada raksaksa, ada kebayan macam dalam cerita Badang tu!

Cikgu Azizah: (laughing).

Me: Cikgu? Salah ke?

Cikgu Azizah: Awak ni...saya paling suka baca karangan awak. Fakta bagus, ayat tersusun. Tapi karangan fakta jelah. Lepas nie Shahida, awak boleh tulis cerita pulak.

Me: Kenapa pulak, cikgu?

Cikgu Azizah: Itu cerita dongeng, Shahida. Kuasa sakti dalam cerita dongeng. Dalam Hikayat Malim Deman, yang memancar tu panau dia...

Me: Panau? Panau memancar ke, cikgu?

Cikgu Azizah: (silent)

Me: Saya pernah kena panau masa main hoki. Tak memancar pun cikgu!

Cikgu Azizah: Belajar lagi bunga-bunga bahasa, ye nak?

My lovely teacher. And when my SPM result was showing A1 for Bahasa Melayu, she smiled proudly at my mother and said, "Saya dah agak, puan. Dia memang student favourite saya."

She made ibu a very proud woman that day. Despite the fact that her daughter couldn't really think the logic of shiny ringworm didn't really matter.

That was my story with Malim Deman. My affair with Shakespeare was about this:

"Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;
I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him..."

Me: How can someone lend someone else's ears, teacher?

The others were laughing.

Teacher: It means: LISTEN.

And I smiled shyly.

My brain is too straight forward. For so many things.

The only thing I couldn't be straight forward in life is when I couldn't tell him: I LOVE YOU.

No literature in that, Arjuna!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

sha: oh, gagahnya suamiku!!!

Originally uploaded by sorabshroff
Alangkah indah temasya di malam itu
Dua insan karam di lautan madu
Menanam dendam berahi satu persatu
Berkucup angan di bibir merayu-rayu
-Inai di Jari by S. Jibeng

Tonight. Friday night. For some reason, staying back in the office on Thursday is not an option. Everyone will go home early and I'll be alone. Even the security guard goes for long break. Huhuuu...I'm doing yearly report to check out some trend. Can I say that going home early on Friday night is a routine as well?

Whenever we get into conversation on Thursday, people will start talking about, "Malam nieh malam Jumaat weehhhh...."

And it's not about the main character in Jangan Pandang Belakang. That woman is scary - her long hair does not show any hint of Sunsilk or Head and Shoulders. The women they are talking about are of course, the ones who await for them at home. Though the joke makes me blush, I like to see the tender eyes of the husbands in front of me:)

That particular topic - even though I'm not married, is like a norm. Sometimes, I hate it. But since I'm hearing that regularly, it's becoming an uncomfortable norm for me. I mean, I can't get angry or change the fact that people get married and I'm not, right? So, I'm trying very hard to be adaptable to all situation.

However, there is one thing I can't tolerate...

2004
I was chatting with my roommate, Wa on a Friday night. We were talking about our lives - mostly about my scandals (as at that time I was still considering a steady boyfriend). The burgers we bought were too fulfilling until we couldn't sleep.

"Sha, hang pernah imagine kalau 5 tahun dari sekarang hang dah jadi bini orang...?" Wa asked me.

"Aku takleh imagine aku kahwin, Wa...nak kerja, nak beli kereta...beli rumah...boleh ke?" I asked doubtedly.

"Boleh...boleh punya..." she answered confidently.

"Wa...aku takleh imagine nak tidur sekatil dengan orang lain! Huuuu...topik kahwin nieh berat la...."

"Sampai masa nanti hang kena pikiaq jugak.. Nieh, yang hang tidoq sekatil dengan aku nieh?" she teased me.

"Kau lain. Kalau aku belai-belai kau pun tak jadi apa!" and we laughed. We continued with some girly pillow talk (this is our secret, I can't tell you folks!)

Suddenly...

"Aaaaaaaahhhh....!!! Abaaaaaannggg....aaahhhh!!!"

Froze. Our house was a cheap terrace house where we had to speak slowly in order for us to avoid the neighbours from hearing. Wa's round eyes were staring at me incredulously. My shoulders shook with mirth.

"Sedaaaapp...aahhh...ahhhh..."

I covered my face with my pillow. Wa's face was red with laughter. And embarassment.

"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!" the voice was getting louder.

And I whispered to Wa, "Waaaa...aku kumpul duit dulu. Nanti takkan aku nak jadi macam tu? Malu laaaa...." and Wa nodded her head.

The next day, we saw our neighbour, the second wife of a taxi driver, held her husband's hands before he went for work. We tried to not look at them.

"Terima kasih ye, bang..." the wife said shyly.

"Terima kasih, sayang..." the husband said that and I dashed into the house. The hairs at the back of my neck were rising like an army! I was shy!!!

2010
My brother came back from Shah Alam for raya. He just moved house. The renting cost was too high so he decided to stay in a flat. I asked him about the new place and he said...

"Semua okay. Makan okay. Tapi...neighbour problem sikit..." he said.

"Kenapa?"

"Tiap-tiap malam Jumaat tak boleh tidur. Agaknya gagah sangat suami orang tu. Kitorang ni kena tidur depan ramai-ramai. Tak sanggup!" he grumbled.

"Hah?"

"Abaaaangg...lagi bang...lagi bang...itu bini dia. Yang laki dia pulak, sayang...jilat lagi...aaahhh...ahhh....huuii...malu betul," his immitation made me blush. Stupid. Absurd.

"So?"

"Sampai kitorang buat mesyuarat dalam rumah nak tanya siapa tengok CD blue kuat-kuat. Tak ada siapa mengaku. Tengah-tengah mesyuarat, kitorang dengar bunyi tu. Apa laaaagiiii...."

"Korang buat apa?"

"Sound pakcik tu."

"Hah?!!!!!" Gulped.

"Sound gurau-gurau...tanya dia best sangat ke malam tadi sampai kitorang tak boleh tidur," he continued.

"So? Berani ye korang?"

"Malam Jumaat seterusnya tak taulah macam mana. Makcik tu period kot. Takde bunyi. Hehe...." my other brothers were laughing.

And I...continued blushing.

The feeling was like looking at a naked statue - with great proportions on that particular body part.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

sha: 1 lembu. 1 bunga. 1 nama.



Apakah akan terjadi pada semua
Bila mentari dan sang bumi
Tak lagi saling memahami
Dan cinta yang sedia ada
Pupus sudah segalanya
Hanya tinggal sisa suka duka percintaan

- Manifestasi Cinta by Fiq feat. Mirwana

There is a tree which draws my attention every time I walk in front of Wisma MCA these days. The flowers are blooming beautifully - it looks like sakura in the midst of KL. Don't ask what is the colour of the flower. You know how much I love purple and pink and white;)

At the side of the busy road, the blossoms are falling down graciously. Today, I pick up the tissue-like flowers and press them in my book. I can't wait for the result. Too bad that the flowers aren't made for bouquet. Sometimes I just can't bear the sight of people stepping on them. Something as beautiful as that should be appreciated but that is the nature in life.

And I have to accept it.

This applies to nasty jokes as well:

Apek: Satu Malaysia. Satu bangsa. Satu nama. Habis, Melayu sudah boleh makan babi la?

Pakcik: Habis kalau Melayu boleh makan babi, Cina kena sunatlah?

Annei: Takkan India sudah boleh makan lembu?

And they laugh. I can't see the funny side of their jokes because these matters are too sensitive. But then again, the way we're respecting each other is mostly by ignoring what other people are doing. It's not that everyone practices learning about other people cultures.

We just don't bother. The less we know, the less we mingle is the best. That way, we can avoid the fight. It's like passing Wisma MCA everyday without even noticing beautiful flowers are falling from its tree.

But is that supposed to be the right way? I remember how furious I was with a cow breeder when my mum was staying in the government quarters. My beautiful orchids were the cows' meal since the cow breeder was letting them loose.

It happened everyday except for Hari Raya Aidiladha. I asked the cow breeder where were his cows and he said:

"Tak mau lepaslah, kakak. Nanti Melayu sembelih sama saya punya lembu."

I laughed and explained the scenario. But diversity have always been a difficult topic to penetrate, so I let him make his own judgment.

Today is called Hari Mantai for those who are from Negeri Sembilan. The day where people buy meat (this includes duck and buffalo if you're truly from the state!) and cook for their love ones.

What is happening to Sha, folks? She is sitting in front of the PC to get a pot of rice. At the same time, this is what plays in my mind right now...

...I don't want to be a cow or a coward. Say no to abusive jokes.
...I want to discover the feminine side of me. Be a bit more lembut and lentok:P
...I love to create my own identity. (am I not doing that already)

That's my goal for now. 1 lembu. 1 bunga. 1 nama.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha, folks.

The cow and the flower has taught me a lot this year. How about you?

Originally uploaded by law_keven

Monday, November 15, 2010

sha: kalau let's say...kalau cinta...


Hot enough to fry an egg
Originally uploaded by Pockafwye
"Kalau cinta jangan kacau
Kalau sayang tak perlu marah
Kalau ikhlas tak minta berbalas
Serahkan cintamu
Pada yang punya cinta..."
- Kalau Cinta by Aliff Aziz feat. Joanna

Thanks Nana. You are making my Monday morning more beautiful than ever with this song. With the catchy tone of yours, this sleepy lady is not feeling gloomy at all. Even though there were too many things happened last weekend, your song is making me smiling early in the morning. The fact that I'm the first one to arrive in the office (though I'm staying in Seremban and my office is in KL) is a no problemo:)

The first time I heard this song, I already knew it was yours. For some reason, after your wedding rehearsal last time, I'm partial to your voice. It sounds crazy, I know, but how I wish that Hanya Untukmu is your song. I like your version better. Hehe. Maybe it has got to do with the fact that you sang it for your hubby and you looked beautiful. For a hopeless romantic like me, I was ecstatic every time I hear the song, remembering all the good moments during the wedding. It was marvelous.

So, all the best to your future undertaking. Ignore the part when people are saying that you're just another pretty face. Bimbos won't work hard, but you do. So, you're not one of them.

It was amazing how someone named Salmah made this comment when I was listening to your music recently:

"Lagu nieh best. Tapi aku tak fahamlah macam mana dia nie boleh jadi cousin kau. I mean...kau nieh...." and she smiled nastily.

I understood what she meant.

"Saudara jauh ke apa?" she asked with a stupidity.

"Taklah," I answered shortly.

"Takkanlah beza sangat rupa kau dengan dia. Kata sepupu kan?" she made that statement again.

"Perlu ke rupa sama?" I asked.

"Takdelah. Aku suka dengar lagu nieh gitu-gitu je pun. Takdelah minat sangat. Biasa je..." she tried to stab and twist the knife.

"What's your point?" I asked.

"Kau tu. Kalau let's say dia tu betul cousin kau...memang kelakar lah family korang nie...." she grinned.

That's Salmah, my dear. Even though there is a tiny point of her to hurt me (especially when it comes to physical), she will. But you know me. I can't be bothered. The fact that you look like our grandma Bedah and I look like grandpa Usop has never been explained. Why should I, right?

Well, people got their point of views. Some can be prejudice. At least I'm not like Salmah who will say things repetitively for the sake of using some English in her sentence.

Kalau let's say....
Cuba try...
Macam nie...whereby...

And that makes laugh early this morning.

Kalau let's say jangan kacau?

Hihihihihi...

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

orkid's cafe: nasi lemak 50 sen! - part 1.


Nasi Lemak
Originally uploaded by Edi Yang
I hated the song Sejarah Mungkin Berulang. Nevertheless, I was still singing that song when I went for karaoke last week. Adik was looking at my distressed face when he decided to treat me with an hour of pleasure. I had a chance to scream my lungs out. For some odd reason, I chose this "tangkap leleh" song over several of my favourite songs. Well, it was not that odd, actually. My cracked voice could hit the note for that song instead of others. I just couldn't bring out the Rossa in me because I sound more like Tomok:P

This is a confession of frustration. Last year, I was working as a barista. The small amount I earned for living was not enough to cover my expenses to go to Stadium Bukit Jalil. The ticket price was RM20 but with Tanker as my mode of transportation, it was impossible for me to go to the stadium without hurting my pocket. I had badly wanted to take the LRT but I was not sure of the schedule. I was afraid that I might got stuck near the stadium. Sleeping in the stadium with the watermelons on my chest was not a good idea. AT ALL.

Throughout the misty eyes, I screamed when we won the game. I laughed at the times when I thought that I was an unlucky person who did not managed to see all those stupid and hilarious things that the Kelantanese fans were doing. I was breathing a clean air; without any smoke from the fire crackers or burning chairs.

I didn't go to the match.

This year, Sejarah Telah Berulang. The match was between Kelantan and Negeri Sembilan. AGAIN. The day Negri won over Johor FC, my brothers have declared that they won't allow me to go to the match. I was heart-broken (and still is). The mamak stall was where I was heading to last weekend (but I ended up sleeping in my aunt's house). I desperately wanted to laugh after turbulence after turbulence in my life!

My predicament was caused by the ticket price this year. How did you expect me to support six family members with RM30 as the price per ticket? Fuel? Toll? It was too outrageous! Regardless, money was not the major concern. My brothers were more worried about my safety. They said, "Your watermelons look like durians now. We just don't want these Kelantanese guys to disturb you. They disturbed our friends last year and they only had nasi lemak 50 sen. Not our sister this year. No."

And I nearly cried.

That problem was not just when I wanted to go to the stadium to watch football. I'm not Kim Kardashian - that one spot called nasi lemak is not for public view nor exhibition! Talk about nasty comments I have received before - in school, at the office, at home, or even when I went for Quran recital:(

I stared at my profile picture in Facebook. The picture of me wearing colourful afro wigs. I painted my face with Negri flag colour when we met Kedah during Piala FA. No, I could't do it again.

Nasi Lemak 50 sen? Not me!

My nasi lemak is at indifinite figure.

Nasi, timun, kacang, ikan bilis, sambal sotong, udang petai...paru...rendang ayam...telur mata...the list can be very..very...very...long. Maybe I should call them Nasi Lemak Watermelon!

It is too costly to be criticised.

Alhamdulillah! Anugerah Allah...

But what makes people so indecent these days?

Monday, November 01, 2010

sha: more spoon than gravy

When Milah became too excited about her date with Farid, I was yawning widely.

Bored.
Bored.
Bored.

"Sha...you tau tak I nak keluar dengan Farid?" she asked with "that" intonation.
I held my breath. Then...
"So?" my intonation showed my boredom. Clearly.
"Guess what?! Farid ajak I...dia kata dia nak suruh I temankan dia cari barang," my eardrums were hurting. Why did she sound like Marlia Musa in Pi Mai Pi Mai Tang Tu?

"Mmmmhmmmmm...." I'm still showing the other side of interest. For the second time.

"Shaa...I nervous nak keluar dengan Farid. Mesti I naik kereta dia. Lepas tu keluar sama-sama. Segannya I...segannya I, Sha!!!" Milah pretended to blush. Or she was using a blusher. I obviously didn't pay attention on that.

"Okay..." I drew my breath out. Well, Farid is someone else's boyfriend. But Milah is having a crush on him. She didn't tell me this; I was just guessing. I could figure it out when Milah was mentioning his name for more than 50 times per day. I had scolded Milah once, stressing out the fact that I didn't want to hear Farid's name. But I gave up. If I'm a doctor, I would've check her ears. There must be holes somewhere. My advice was gone in the wind.

"Agaknya manalah Farid nak bawak I?" she daydreamingly expressed that. I didn't pay attention.

Milah got a boyfriend on her own. It was just that she craved for attention - so she could easily replace her boyfriend with another and she will talk about them. NON STOP.

"Sha...nak tau tak...Helmi cakap dia sayang I..."
"Sha...I dengan Tengku dah discuss nak kahwin!"
"Sha...kalau Saiful nampak nieh...mesti dia suka...dia suka makan pedas!"
"Sha...I have something to tell you. Tadi Ridz boring dengan I!"

Someone who can't stop talking about her boyfriend. And Farid.

I always wonder why Milah doesn't want to make her boyfriend/crush stories exclusive to herself. I, obviously wrote about Sepet in my blog. But the intimate part of our relationship? Absolutely exclusive - just between us. Like how he eat. Or snores.

But I can't help saying that Farid (not the Farid in Pocket's blog~!) is always the main topic with me. Like, she will tell me about how Farid is looking at her, or talking to her.

I, with the devil-whispered heart is thinking..."Is Milah trying to fish me into jealousy?"

Let me laugh to myself. Farid is no Gerard Butler or Hugh Jackman. He is someone's boyfriend. How could I be jealous when he is going out with Milah?