Wednesday, December 29, 2010

sha: hoi nasi goreng...

Nasi Goreng at Made's Warung, originally uploaded by spoonfork.

Hoi nasi goreng
Hoi bubur kacang
Mee rojak hoi nasi
Hoi bubur hoi mee siam

Tukang masak kerjanya enteng
Bangun pagi masak nasi goreng
Campur cili campur udang kering
Bila makan mata naik juling
- Nasi Goreng Bubur Kacang by P.Ramlee

Today is the last working day of the year for me. My routine for the rest of the year will change. Definitely I'm not going to wake up early in the morning and bath in cold water like today. That will be absolutely marvelous! I'm a goat in a human form - I hate to take bath even though I'm a fan of good smell and nice fragrance:P

I don't have to force myself to fold my polka dot pink blanket. That's wonderful, because I love the warmth of the blanket. I mean, friends got husband to hug them - so the warmth will be from a human's body and not a piece of thick and comfy cloth. The only time when I can feel the heat from another human is when mum decides to sleep with me - which is rare considering that she needs to be a wife.

What else? Ooohhh...I will definitely get the warmth from an animal. My "son", Fernando Bulu is demanding for attention these days. I have been denying him for quite sometime. The prohibition for him to enter my room since I don't have the time to bath him. Cold weather makes me soft as I don't have the heart to hear him scream.

Yes, I miss my Bulu. It has been quite sometime since the last time I slept with him in my lap. I will need to bring him to the vet tomorrow. That will be an excellent trip. Bulu loves Suzuki!

Ooo...talking about Suzuki. He needs attention too! I need to send him for servicing tomorrow. And I must...must...must...clean his white body. Otherwise, he won't look nice for kenduri. People will ask, "Whose dirty car is that?"

What else about tomorrow? Hmm....tomorrow is the day when I'm going to eat my mum's Nasi Goreng or Mee Goreng...or even Bubur Kacang. I have been eating in stalls these days - the taste of nasi goreng is not special anymore...

...where there will be cili padi pounded by our own pastel and mortar.
...where mum knows the concern of putting belacan or geragau...
...or even crunchy anchovies...
...extra veggie - bak choy, cabbage, carrot or even frozen peas...
...and sunny side egg...with melting yolks...

Yuuuuummmm!!!!

That will be a great kick start for the things I wanted to do just now. Not to mention that I have to prepare myself for weddings. Peach and pink baju kurung is nowhere in scene....alamak. And I have not received any news about my Saloma-like kebaya for my cousin's wedding in Saloma Bistro next week.

Darn.

Happy New Year everyone. I stop working for the year today.

And planning for weddings ahead:)

Monday, December 27, 2010

sha: pelamin anganku musnah


Traditional Coconut Candy
Originally uploaded by KooshKing

Masihkah dengan janjimu
Apapun jadi akulah pilihanmu
Hingga sanggup ku singkirkan cinta yang lain
Ku angankan pelamin indah untuk kita berdua singgah
Sayangnya... Semua musnah
- Pelamin Anganku Musnah by Azie

I had the loveliest, tastiest, most awesome coconut candy last weekend! Yes, I know. I shouldn't be too excited about coconut candy but yes...I was overjoyed. Sorry. No hypocritical act here.

A fortnight ago I was looking at the uninteresting coconut candy which was displayed on the top of a mamak restaurant's counter. I was not that ecstatic but I was craving for the taste of sweetness on my lips. I mean, I have been left with sour and bitter taste lately - there were too many incompetencies to be swallowed, too much of drama to munch!

We talked about that later, shall we? The part when I knew that I was not a microphone freak but someone else' was:P

So, what would you say when you were hungry, and angry and freaky...and someone offered you a coconut candy? Well, I know it was not everyone's favourite but then again Sha has always got this childish side of her that everyone could see. So, coconut candy for me was a treat to the unfavourable things I had last Friday.

Enough of intro. Here's the story...

I was sleepy after three hours of karaoke session with office -mates. My eyes nearly closed. Pelamin Anganku Musnah was not my favourite song but that was the only way of how to sing solo. Karaoke was not Choir-and-OK. There were two microphones but not all songs were duet.

But then again...
  • Maybe some girls were too naive. They said they won't sing in a karaoke room but ended up singing all songs.
  • Maybe some people just knew all songs. So, they couldn't decide which was the song to sing and which was the song that they should let others sing!
  • Maybe some girls were too happy-go-lucky and Sha was grumpy. The songs must be the happy ones, so that they could dance shyly:P

Eh, where got dance shyly meh?

But, layan ajelah! Chocolate Strawberry was a nice cake to celebrate a man's birthday. Especially when the man was the sensitive one and he tend to react strangely towards straight forward comments. Carnations were such beautiful gift to a guy who ran his words smoothly, especially when they were beautiful and not Betty-like. And of course...a card with penguins would definitely reminded him of how Pingu was craving for justice:P

Well, I could plan but there would always be someone who were dying to take the credit. Birthday parties were as good as it get; especially when it was successful and you didn't really have to do anything.

So, go ahead. Pelamin Anganku Musnah was such a nice song! Especially to those who were still a kiddo at the time Azie sang it. Unless they loved music too much - they won't remember the song played in the radio at the time their noses were full with slimes. Hehe.

I was about to sleep with the sound of broken voices played in my head when my aunty showed me the coconut candy she made for my cousin's wedding. And when I saw the colours, I was grinning from ear to ear. Wooo...that was not easy, folks! I was frowning hours before when my voice was pitching for Sembilu by Ella.

And...my sinus worked out finely for Sejarah Mungkin Berulang. I did sound like the young Tomok with sad face. Hehe:P

Anyway, what I'm trying to imply here is...
There is no distinctive flavour towards attitude.
A taste of coconut candy is straight forward - if you buy those in mamak, you'll taste the ghee. The one you made at home will be different. But both are sweet - not salty or sour.

So, do you have to pretend that you hate karaoke when you practically sang all songs?
With microphone - of course.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

orkid's cafe: rice is nice


Rice Is Nice
Originally uploaded by jump4joy
Inginku sandarkan harapan
Bahagia hidup bersama
Tapi ku sangsi cinta di hatimu
Adakah sekuat cintaku
- Inginku Sandarkan Harapan by Hetty Koes Endang

I broke the record! Yesterday I told you that I was eating mee goreng for the past three days. Well...well...well...someone made me broke my own record yesterday. Who was it?

Definitely my mum - the person whose capable of making me drool even though I was supposed to be exhausted and sleepy and angry and unhappy. But she wiped it off by just one act.

She cooked a nice warm white rice at 11:30 pm. And then she asked me to take it from the rice cooker. She said...

"Lauk ada dekat atas meja. Ambik sendiri."

I was so lazy, I was about to say, "Malas nak makan...ngantuuuuukkk...."

But, how could I say that to the woman who was not really well, but cooked for me dinner regardless the time I reached home? How could I say that when the rice was already cooked? How could I say no when all I ate for the past two months were food from stall?

The food which tasted the same until I ran out of menu and decided to eat mee goreng everyday instead of other stuff.

So, I scooped the plain rice from the rice cooker. The steam made my face fresh. My eyes became less drowsy. And it opened widely the moment I lifted the lid of the pot...

Asam Pedas Ikan Pari.

It was completed with the ladies' finger, tomatoes, onions, bunga kantan and daun kesum. The hot and spicy stuff made me alive after being a dead zombie - espcially after meeting the auditors and bosses:p

As my tongue licked my fingers last night, I was saying...

"Thanks mum!!!"

I felt no regret of staying in Seremban and working in KL. It was worth it. Especially when I have such a great mum.

For record, I slept late last night because I ate late and I wanted to hug mum before I slept:P

How far do you travel everyday, folks?

* Sang that song in the office yesterday and everyone ran away!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

sha: ada apa dengan mee goreng

The Final Touch, originally uploaded by Takoto.

Breakfast is a must. I agree with that. I can go on without eating lunch but I can't survive if I don't eat my breakfast. Previously, I didn't care much. That was when I was young, of course. Where enthusiasm led everything; nothing mattered including food:P

But now, things are different. Not eating breakfast means there is less time to socialise. Less time to see people that you're not seeing everyday. Less time to hear gossips. And less time to relax. Food and time are the good elements to enjoy - even though the time is only for fifteen minutes.

I got this particular sentiment after I watched Planet Food Malaysia:

"Having a breakfast is an act of appreciating Malaysia."

The statement is big, I know. For some reason, I didn't realise that we have so many options when it came to breakfast. Not before I watched the show. But when I saw Merrilees Parker eating all sorts of dishes which considered as Malaysian breakfast, I started to think that I didn't enjoy life. I didn't enjoy Malaysia. I was not being grateful.

So, what do you have for breakfast today, folks?

As for me, I'm in the season of craving for mee goreng and telur mata each time I'm eating. Yesterday, I had mee goreng for breakfast and dinner. By the time I wanted to go to sleep, I realised...

I only ate mee goreng and nothing else for the past three days.

Woooooooooo.....

Monday, December 20, 2010

sha: frosted chrysanthemum 2

Originally uploaded by monteregina

Everytime you commit one more mistake

You feel you can’t repent
And that its way too late
Your’re so confused, wrong decisions you have made
Haunt your mind and your heart is full of shame
Don’t despair and never loose hope
Cause Allah is always by your side
-Insha Allah by Maher Zain

"Ya Allah, permudahkan kisah cintaku..."

Tawakkal. That was all I could do after series of failure in my love life. Up to the point when I knew that there was no future between me and Sepet, I devoted myself to the love of my life: MY WORK. I knew for a fact that life was not always all about marriage and having kids like other people. Your destiny was determined by God; the only thing you could do was to work hard for it and pray.

If it was not meant to be, it was not meant to be...for me.

Rewind. When I walked out of my room that day, I was looking to the left - wishing that I could have some strength from the person I used to respect. He was looking at me with murderous eyes - his stare was accusing and full of hatred. I knew there was no way I could ask for his brotherly advice. No way.

Clearly, the argument we had few weeks before had affected the way we communicated.

The dam in my eyes nearly broke. I remember the times when he used to tell me that I could find love. I recalled the times when he argued that I was not always right. My forehead frowned when I was hoping for a sign - a nod, a smile or at least a twinkle in his eyes. Instead, I only received a scowl. That was not something I wished from a big brother. Not when I was desperately in need of one.

My shoulders dropped with frustration. My lips muttered, "There goes my history in love..." And I walked away. No more hope. He was The Boss. What was I expecting by the way?

* * * * *

So, I was sitting in front of The History - Mr. Sepet. We were there - in the same meeting room he sent me almost twelve months ago. On that rainy day, he hurt me when he broke the news about Phuket. I remember the feeling of frustration I felt that day. I was never there when he wanted to make any decision. I just had to accept.

I knew it was a family vacation. I knew I didn't have the right to interfere. But I needed to know where things were standing. I desperately wanted to feel like something important in his life. But his action was showing the contradict. So, in the same room, when The Boss offered me the job, I promised myself not to rely on him anymore. I was hurt - but I was still in love.

That was twelve months ago. I was so sure about my feelings, I was not scared of anything. How about now? Twelve months have passed - there were changes, there were developments and there were downfall. Is the love still there?

He started with...

"I know what I did was wrong. Mesti masa tu your parents pun dengar apa yang jadi between us..."

I was just staring ahead.

"I come here to ask for your forgiveness. I want to ask for your hand..." he was being too calm. Sharks.

Google. Type - heart. No results found. Where was my heart?

No.

Google. Type - head. 1,000,000 results found.

Result 1: Are you stupid, Sha? He hurt you, fool!
Result 2: Jangan jilat ludah sendiri, will you?
Result 3: This happened several times already, Sha...
Result 4: Sha...maybe this is what you have been praying for?
Result 5: Apasal keras hati sangat ni, Sha? Marah sampai tak maafkan orang?

Heart vs. Head.

And I'm still praying, "Mudahkan kisah cintaku, Ya Allah. Aku lemah dalam membuat keputusan. Dan aku takut untuk salah..."

Why can't I have a simple love life?
Was there a sign that I have not noticed?

Saturday, December 18, 2010

sha: lelaki itu...

I looked at his face as we dove in the ocean. There he was; all muscular and sexy. His smile would definitely made the turtles swoon. His grin was fantastic - any Dory or Nemo would certainly cried with joy.

Oh, he was too sexy. Too masculine. The dream of every woman in the world. The fantasy of every female creature including a hen and a mare. They said that he was perfect. He was too macho to be true. He was the purest gentleman you could have ever met!

But only one girl opposed to the statements. Her name is Sha. Sha Cheryna Pires. A girl whom people would describe as...

The Big. The Fat. The Abnoxious.

Wait. Why was a fat girl saying all that? Who was she anyway? Tak sedar diri ke? I mean, a thousand girls were saying that he was the best catch ever.

But then again..what will you do if you're in this position:

He had 25 girls to choose. But he was only one man. So, within 25 weeks, he would date each and every girl in his options...

...until he finds his true love.

Do you want to be one of those folks?

Clearly, the big, fat and abnoxious Sha was opposing the idea.

But who is she talking about?

Thursday, December 16, 2010

sha: gelang tebal, baju bling-bling

Originally uploaded by hey zeena !
Malam bulan purnama
Tiada hati dirundung duka
Kita bersenda gurau bersama
Riang-ria gembira
Dengan cahaya sinaran rang bulan
Itu semua pengalaman
- Jauh di Mata by Ella

I have been wondering:

When I went to a government's office just now, I was looking at a woman who was wearing a gold beaded organza shirt. She was talking to her colleague who was performing her duty for me.

She was...
Asking on how to calculate her overtime.
Asking where did she wanted to go for lunch.
Asking about the latest trend of her tudung.

A transaction which supposed to take 10 minutes the most dragged to 20 minutes.

Good. Very good.

"Bersama membangun negara."

Yes. Absolutely.

I looked at her thick bangle and I was wondering about the amount of her overtime hours. Wow...she must be rich. Or hardworking. For I do not get overtime for sleeping in the office.

But that is fine. I don't mind. It's okay.

The bangle is hers - her rezeki - Alhamdulillah.
The gold beaded organza shirt is hers - her money - Alhamdulillah.

But my time is mine.
Efficiency is mine.
Outcome and results is mine.

In which circumstances did she failed to understand that?
Couldn't she find other time to talk to her colleague?

Huuuuuuuuuuuuuu...

* I was listening to this song in the car....in the rain. The crease on my forehead is making me old...so old song neh?

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

sha: chrysanthemum itu bunga

Originally uploaded by naruo0720
Pernah ku mencuba terima seadanya
Sayang ia selalu calarkan sudut hati ku
Hingga lelah jiwa ku dikecewa
Yang tak mungkin berpaling kembali
Namun ku yakinkan nanti
Tuhan pasti beri gantinya
- Bunga by Exist

You might be wondering what is happening to my love story. Frosted Chrysanthemum seems to be hanging there; just like the story of Arief, my chef scandal.

For some reasons, my love stories are like clothes in laundry shop. They have hangers. Sometimes I dry cleaned them, sometimes I bleached them, and most of the time I washed them. Keeping them was difficult - maybe because of my lack of skill in doing so or this laundry shop stories are purely mine:)

I have drafted the stories about me and Sepet in that room but there were so many things which have drawn me from posting it yet. Wait...auditors are coming at 10 a.m today to destroy me; let's just pray that I will be able to go through this successfully. That way I will be able to draw some fresh air into my lungs instead of a Dunhill in blue colour box:P

Okay...okay...what happened to Sepet? Sepet is a kumbang and I'm the bunga kekwa. We called it chrysanthemum in English and people always use that for sirih junjung in the old days. I mean, these days things are more English -like. I personally prefer orchid than anything. But then again when I look at the hantaran these days, they are not like the ones during my parents' time.

Where chrysanthemum was the bright yellow, white, red and purple flower used in hantaran. Where the hantaran was classical and tough as chrysanthemum won't require that much of attention compared to the roses and hydrangeas on the sirih junjung on most of the modern weddings.

Right. Get my point so far?

Kumbang will always be the same.
But the flower?

Roses requires attention.
Gerbera requires support.
Orchid requires money.

Chrysanthemum? Just some sponge water with a bit of care. The beauty is moderate and the colours are common.

But it's still a flower. Don't you agree?

Sepet is the kumbang. Sha is the bunga. Bunga kekwa.

But kumbang has options. Do you think Sepet loves Sha, folks?

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

sha: a letter to my mentor

Dear Mr. Fabulous,

This is not a resignation letter; if you are expecting one. And this is not a blog posting about love, either. No dissatisfaction will be stated here; maybe a little - surely, but this is mostly about you. At the time when I'm writing this, the clock is ticking to 12 a.m. And I'm posting this in my blog on 8th November 2010 at 10.00 a.m - just to remember what happened eleven months ago.

We met exactly at 10 a.m on 8th January 2010. That was the day when the cloud was grey. I wore a grey tudung to match the black baju kurung. And my mood was grey too. My beloved boyfriend said he wanted to go Phuket; and he told me just few hours before he departed. I felt unimportant, so I prayed never to fail in anything again.

I didn't know how my judgment was on that day, but your face was too familiar. I shook the ideas in my head when I saw your red shirt and the rings on your fingers. I chased the fear to trust - for I had theories about how to judge a guy by his looks and gestures. I reminded myself to be less judgmental though experience had taught me too well about life and people. You looked too casual but not relaxed; I was trying to read you hidden agendas.

Yes, I had the trust issues the first time I saw you. That was the reason why I made a choice which did not involved you. But we were talking for more than an hour before I told myself that I admired your spirit. I remember saying no several times; but you managed to coax me into changing my mind. Your skill in persuasion was not that good, honestly, but your effort had lured me. I was impressed with that; so I made a decision to reward the effort. Put aside the uncertainty I felt towards you; you were clearly was not the give up type. Three hours of talking - and I chose you.

The third day - I was depressed with you. I didn't know whether I should rely or should be on my own. Sometimes I thought you wanted to know everything. Several times I knocked my own head and tried to make it my way. In the end, my expectation was true. The moment I saw you frowning with a red face, I knew that things weren't supposed to be difficult for you. The time when you said, "Apa yang susah sangat?" I left with a hole in my heart. "I shouldn't expect anything from anyone," I told myself.

There I was, cried in the cab and wished for miracle to happen. My hands shook with fear as I held the last RM10 in my hand; knowing that was my ticket to go home. But I needed that to perform; so with my ego went into the drain - for the first time in my life, I called my younger brother for help. He replaced my ticket money with his - and the taxi driver was too kind not to overcharge me that day. Apparently, he saw me withdrew that RM10 from the machine before I passed it to him.

An hour later when I saw you, my tears had dried. For record, I didn't even claim the amount that I used for my taxi ride that day. I thought, "Let my difficulties be a secret. At least to him." (but of course, I'm telling you today).

You were good. Too good for me to look up on you. And I was impressed. But you changed your mood too easily; so I've decided not to be close to you to reduce the heat. You see, I was the temperemental type. Being close to someone like you would only make me lose my temper and that was not good to the business. It was even worse when I was contemplating about my partner - especially when he was complaining about the time that I didn't spent with him. He was my life; but you gave me light - who was my choice?

You knew better.

We both knew that I had a secret to keep. And that made me pressured as time passed by - knowing that I have to work hard to keep everyone's reputation. It hurt me when I made mistakes but you always seemed to know how to put the pressure away. Obviously I won't tell you how much I like to hear you sing. In my opinion, certain things were better left unsaid.

I hated you for giving me too much space to be independent and for not being there for me when I wanted to make decision. You told me that everything was for my own good - as I needed to think big and learned to make plans. I agreed with you - half-heartedly. Indeed, I had to develop myself. But words like, "I don't know and I don't care," from you? Well...maybe I should won Olympics for winning the Swallow Tears competition.

I learned that well when I came back from Secret Recipe one day. I knew you were in love and I was not aware that you won't be around. I was so stupid - I thought I could settle things with you when I came back. But you were not there. So, I went to KLCC - cried and wrote a letter to the building. A stupid reaction, wasn't it? I cried when I couldn't get angry anymore. Those were the days when you were losing your focus. And I told myself again," I shouldn't expect anything from anyone."

Truth is, I had badly wanted support. There were times when I fell into the drain because I needed to make it on my own. Not to mention that when I thought that I was the only one who was not getting any from you. Jealousy? Maybe. Dissappointment? Definitely. One fine day in May, I cried my heart out at the petrol station. A colleague of mine brought me out as I couldn't hide my sobs. That was the day when I thought I tasted betrayal ever since I knew you.

She knew that I couldn't handled the figures for the first time. I was keeping it silent; knowing that the figure was your call and not mine. When I came back after crying, you asked me why. And I said, "Tak ada apa-apa."

But mum thought me about perseverance and acceptance - "Sometimes rezeki orang tak sama dengan rezeki kita." So I adhere to the fact that the cause of the despair I felt was not my call. Rezeki itu kerja Allah. Then you made a comment, "Sorang pun you tak boleh jaga ada hati nak jaga yang lain!!!" I cried again. And I asked myself several times whether I fail in detecting and appreciating love and affection like others? Do you know that the affection towards you had caused me predicament after another? Do you know that it was hard to carry the burden after you smiled to girl?

They were infatuated with you and I was in the middle. But I got the blame for not being able to control the infatuation? I was the one to be blamed when she wrote your name in her Facebook? That was the time when you taught me about stress. I learned that very well. Thanks.

For some reason I felt at home when I was with you. Where everything was my responsibility. When there was no one at all to tell me what to do and I had to bear the consequences of the decisions I made. I felt down at that time. You didn't even want to notice that. I gave you hint you ignored. I printed some things and expected you to read but you didn't do that. So, I gave up and I cried a lot. Why can't you treat me like others? Just because I'm ugly? Do you know how hurt I was when I learned that you called me fat and short. They made fun out of it - at the time when I was trying to earn some respect.

Sigh. Again, it's your call. You have the power to influence, of course.

Well, after all said and done, you might be wondering about how do I feel about this. Speaking truth this time: I love you. Woooo...don't throw this yet! You are not making sense if you do that. Honestly, I'm hurting someone who loves me if he reads this. As I said, effort does counts so just imagine about his feelings when he reads this at the time when he is trying to win my heart. I am not cruel, even though you always thought that is who I am.

Silly!!! I love you as someone who listened (when you feel like listening, of course), motivated and taught me. Like an elder brother I never had. Someone I thought I could respect and respect me back. That was the reason why I did almost everything for you. I put you in front of everything to perform the duty which has been entrusted to me. Remember the day you sent me back to Seremban and you asked me why did I stayed in a relationship too long? I said,

"I will be loyal to the one."

Loyalty. Trust. I believed in that. And that was my weaknesses and always will be. Maybe, you will take advantage of like anyone who have taken advantages of me before, but that was just me. You used to ask me how did I react to betrayal. Have you ever thought about seeing what I have done to counter it back?

I stayed loyal. Though it hurt me like hell. Take my life relationship as the prove.

The truth is, I grow with you. Literally and spiritually. I gained weight a lot ever since I got to know you. For some reason, seeing you eating make me crave for food. Hehe. Especially the chocolate bread I used to buy last time. Same goes to the things that I have learned. One thing for sure, I learned about knowing what I want. How to decide in life when everything seems so bleak. You used to say, you always get what you wish. How I wish to be like you.

When I confronted you last week, I was just being myself. I'm sorry if the reality hurts you. I'm sorry if things are not in favour for you right now. I'm sorry if I'm not your favourite. I'm sorry for not being pretty. And I'm sorry for not being the person you wanted to be. Trust me that whatever happens now is torturing me. Maybe I knew too much. Maybe I was just being scared. After all the weaknesses that you have seen, I think you're prepared to learn more about my stupidity.

Today, I have decided to give you 2 things. Take this as a personal gift - from someone who looks highly upon you. This is not a bribe - this was my wish. I knew the day would come for me to give this to you - and I'm doing it now. I'm giving you my one of favourite books - the one I talked to you about. My most favourite has been given to the girl who we celebrated her birthday in Aseana few months ago. That was how much I valued a person in life, though you might think that she had no value for me. You were the one who taught me how to separate between play hard and work hard remember?

I know you're not the reading type, but I hope one day you will decide to read. The second thing I'm giving to you is a CD of the story I told you about. Where the soundtrack plays the role and the story reminds me of you. Check out the single seats in the story - I hope one day I will be invited to your important day! But mind you, you need to invite the person whom I sent my regards through you before this. Because someone here is very...very...interested:P

Thanks...for being my mentor (though you didn't want it) and Happy Birthday.

* No actual names mentioned in the posting.

Yours sincerely,
---Sha 007---

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

sha: frosted chrysanthemum

Originally uploaded by monteregina
Jangan pernah kau katakan
Bahwa cintaku terlarang
Karena tak ada yang tahu
Arti cinta sesungguhnya
- Terus - terang by Radja

It was raining and I was wearing my pinkish baju kurung. It was chiffon so when the fabric got wet, I got mad.

My mind was focusing too much on the most important event of the year. Audit. I hated auditors. They were the most annoying visitors that you have to meet. When they were coming, you had to greet them, prepare a place for them. They used their nose to sneeze and sniff, they used their eyes to see and stare, and they used their mouth to demand and gave sarcastic comments.

Hahaha. I just made suicidal comments over there! Most of my friends were/are auditors. And I...nearly became one:P

Filings. Process Flows. Documents. Everything was scattered in my head. Prioratising work was damn difficult but needed and emotional argument was damn irritating. Things weren't going my way yesterday. I was frowning, scowling and swearing at the same time.

It was when I entered my room when my assistant approached me and said, "Ada orang call. Nama dia F**** and dia tunggu dekat receptionist."

I was caught off-guard. My mouth was silent. If it was gaping, I couldn't prevent others from seeing it. Shocked was the actual feeling; denial was how I reflected the whole situation. Habislah!

So, I dragged my feet and walked towards the receptionist area. When the girl saw me, she immediately stood up and said...

"Cik Sha...ni...Encik..." and she pointed her thumb towards the sofa behind me.

There he was. The blue shirt was not something I accustomed to see - it must be new or he bought it when he was not with me. His looks changed a lot - he was no longer a fair guy; clearly the sun has given him a Malay colour instead of Chinese. He must've smoked a lot - his teeth are the evidence for it. And...he has gained some weight. Nevertheless, his apperance had never changed - the shirt is pressed and clean. That was what I liked about him.

Okay...okay...this is not about falling in love again. No. I remind you...if you're expecting for something romantic, this is not the time.

"Hi ex.." and he smiled broadly. As if nothing happened between us. Or if something happened, it was not the bitter one. It was as if we were rekindling on good memories. Sharkssssss!!! (because I couldn't say shit)

"Hi F****," and I smiled back. I looked at the wonderous face around me. And the busy body ones. They were too eager to be our audience.

"Nadia, bilik meeting kosong?" I asked the receptionist who clearly amazed by the whole situation. Sha, the most undesirable person in the office is receiving a male guest. And he was calling her....ex???

"Come...let's go into the meeting room," I said.

And his smile was getting broader when he realised that we were going to be alone...

***to be continued***