Tuesday, July 26, 2011

sha: beristinjak di singapura

Old tempayan by m.i.a.k
Old tempayan, a photo by m.i.a.k on Flickr.
My brother is passionate about football and I'm sure he would love to read this posting. He turns 25 today and I'm still wondering whether he had ever grown up. He is still quarreling about his undies with the other brothers yet he earns as much as I do. Well, of course. Oil and gas industry pays more:)

Last week, he went to Singapore with his friends. Why was that? I bet you already knew the reason. Despite his hectic schedule, he won't miss a single Malaysian game. Unless, of course, when his boss is not around. I have always wonder why is it so important to watch Malaysian game. I mean, he is an Arsenal fan too, yet the intensity is not as strong as watching his own country plays against the opponents, including Arsenal itself.

Especially after Malaysian players got injured after the game against Arsenal.

When he came back from Singapore, he told us stories. Some was too funny to be listened to, some broke our hearts and some made us proud. For numerous reasons, he told us that he refused to spend a coin on The Lions land. He strongly believes that we have paid enough for Singaporean water and other expenses. And most importantly, he says that Malaysians are better cook.

Yes, we have reminded him that some of our relatives are Singaporeans but he shrugged it off by saying, "that's why you cook better than them."

So, imagine a situation when he wanted to go to the loo. Okay, what is our similarity when it comes to toilets? (regardless whether you're a Malay, Chinese or Indian). Most of us, use water. Let's recap the syllabus of beristinjak shall we?

PENDIDIKAN ISLAM DARJAH LIMA
Alat yang boleh digunakan untuk beristinjak ialah:
(i) air mutlak iaitu air sungai, air perigi, air mata air, air laut dan sebagainya
(ii) benda-benda yang keras dan kesat seperti batu, kayu, kertas, daun dan lain-lain.

My brother only found tissue papers. Yes, just like in the tv. And he needed water. So, he tried to get some water and unfortunately (he didn't describe in detail), he couldn't get some. Because there was no rubber hose nor gayong!

So, what he did was...
1. Asked for plastic cups from the person who sold drinks.
2. Poured the water into the cup
3. Finished the business.
Because...
1. It was not darurat.
2. Where got batu, kayu and kertas at the stadium? Singapura kan negara bersih! Besides, if my brother beristinjak using the rock, then where could he throw them???

So he finished his emergency business even though Singaporeans were good business men. They charged him for the cup. IN DOLLAR!!! Hehehe. And I don't know how he paid them because he only have Malaysian notes.

But he left us with a question, "If there is a Muslim who watched football regularly at that place, how does the person istinjak? And how does he pray?"

Okay, so he finished with his business. And he went into the stadium with his noisy friends. Obviously, I was not surprise to see that he is joining the loud crowd. When he was little, we called him LETER which means talkative. For us, he is putting his LETERness towards a good cause. Being and Ultras Malaya - who sings 24/7 and act like hyperactive child suits him well. At least he knows what he is doing.

Unfortunately, my brother, LETER, could not sing that well that day. Why was that? He told us that their favourite giant flag stated "100% PURE MALAYSIAN" was confiscated by the party who mentioned that the flag was provocative. (Qiu Li was in fact a Singaporean by document, so what else can we say?) In fact, they were warned not to sing."No chanting...no chanting!!!" (Jangan nyanyi!!!)

The person who said that was a Malay. Well, not only the istinjak part was wonderous, the instruction of not to sing was miraculous.

I started to ask..."Pernah dengar simpulan bahasa," mulut tempayan boleh ditutup, mulut orang?"

400 Ultras were there chanting their songs. It looked barbaric, kampung, macam monyet atas pokok, but so do people in Malta, Italy or England. Eleh...when MU datang, all of the sudden you sang Glory Glory, meh? Or You'll Never Walk Alone for Liverpool. How to close thousands of people's mouth? Guna tudung saji?!

Come on. Don't be hypocrite. You can afford not to beristinjak even though it is a must. You have English as your educational medium. That's why you don't know the meaning of mulut tempayan! Melayu apa kau nieh?!

Well, what else can I say. They say they are not Malay. They are Singaporean. And same goes to my favourite actor.Pusing-pusing pun...in the end, Sha adalah peminat Aaron Aziz dari Singapura. Hahahaha.My question, beristinjak ke?

Oooopsss...that's why we are looking at talent kan? Talent is everywhere and they have proven that:P



Sunday, July 24, 2011

sha: aku yang kau tinggalkan

Aku Yang Kau TinggalkanAku Yang Kau Tinggalkan by Alina Haizar
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Zaril Ikhwan bin Zahari. The moment I wrote this name as my Facebook status, I expected results. Sad to say, I received none. It was not as glamorous as Muhammad Seth Tan from Kasih Yang Suci a.k.a Nora Elena.

I couldn't blame anyone for it. It was fair. There were too many Malay novels in the market, so people have more to choose. I was not a Malay novel reader myself and considering that I had frustration with several books I read before this, it was fair for me to stop reading Malay books.

But I gave my last shot. I needed a book with more research, something which could teach me something. Something which I could read during my 140km journey to work! And...definitely a book with less embarrassing title! I was not a sentimental type, therefore reading a sentimental book would definitely make me a laughingstock:)

Surprisingly, despite a negative remarks on the title (well, my friends did laughed about the "jiwang" Aku Yang Kau Tinggalkan), I just couldn't be bothered. I liked the fact that most of the stuff I read from the book was logical. I loved the part when Italy was not just a story but facts that I should read.

And I was impressed with the part that when the characters were not necessarily have to be rich, handsome and smart. I mean, I hated cliches. And this book showed me different views, from the rich-and-famous views to the "unwanted ones" views. I loved the fact that similarities did not portrait a good relationship. Macam Melayu selalu sebut, "engkau enggang...aku pipit..." This was not the case at all!!!

And Zaril Ikhwan was not perfect! Yes, I loved this. I loved the part when he made wrong decisions as well. My first impression was not being met at all, and I loved the surprises the author had created for a reader like me. A hero without flaws was what I expected but I had been given a surprise in a gold platter:)

The only part which could be improved was the ending. It was too easy, too much of conversation and less action. I would love to highlight this since I believe that if we transform this book into a sequel or a movie like the other novels, then the ending will be too boring. When the other parts have been written beautifully, this part should be the most crucial one.

I think this should be it for now. (sorry Ms. Author, the comment is in English because I'm posting this review in my blog!) I trust there will be more creative and beautiful work from you in the future.

And I sincerely hope that Zaril Ikhwan will beat Mr. Muhammad Seth Tan one day:)

Monday, July 18, 2011

sha: angry bird - looking heroes

Angry Birds by Flamingo Toes
Angry Birds, a photo by Flamingo Toes on Flickr.



I've been reading Malay story books recently, folks. Thanks to Nora Elena, my mum is now addicting herself to Malay books. Well, it's a lame excuse, I know. I mean, it's not necessarily that my mum is reading the book, I should be reading it too. But, surprisingly, I'm reading it at my own free will:)

But, it's different this time. When I was 20, Zainal Arief used to be my flawless hero. I mean, he was perfect in every sense. I daydreamed about him and couldn't focus when it came to him. I saw one guy at the cafeteria and wished it was him. I was hopeless romantic!

Now, at the age of almost 30, I'm finding more flaws in the hero characters. For example, take a character called Seth Tan in Kasih Yang Suci. I mean, my typical Malay tongue would surely called him Setan instead of Seth and Tan:)

Luckily, Aaron Aziz saved the name. I mean, in normal circumstances, I would laughed and shrugged the whole episode off. Instead, because Aaron was Seth Tan, I started the pronounce Seth fluently without ever failed to do it and call him Setan:)

Yes, fictional characters were full of mysteries. When we were young, less Malay novels were transformed into movies and dramas. There was no Cekodok Cinta, Tsunami Rindu or 1,2,3 Op Ba Tin! or even Normah Alijah. So, we didn't know whether the character looked like P. Ramlee, Nordin Ahmad, Hail Amir or Hamid Gurkha. We were depending on the magical words to describe the heroes.

Most heroes would have nice eyebrows. Thick and dark. I mean, less women would prefer guys who tweak his eyebrows. Eyebrows is the symbol of masculinity. And if a handsome and macho character is about to be described, he must not have the eyebrows like Erra Fazira.

Why is that?

Okay...let's see what the internet is saying about thick eyebrows:

"...tertarik terhadap tindakan dan pengembaraan dan tidak setia, sukar mempunyai perhubungan kekal dengan pasangan satu saja."

Yelah. Most fictional heroes were former playboys. Take an example of Irfan Ikmal in Stanza Cinta:)

And...most of the heroes, regardless how patient, is a jealous type. So...the eyebrows must be connected to each other. Or, like the Malays always describe, "Kening bertaut".

Lastly, the deep set eyes would require a nice and shapely eyebrows to accommodate the perfection. In Malay, w would called this "Kening Melengkung." Theoritically, this determines the sexual behaviour. The internet described this as...

"...sangat suka hal-hak seks dan sensual..."

There you have it. Call him Seth Tan, or Zaril Ikhwan, or Badrul or Benz Alif...whoever! He is your hero. Unless the TV describe him as Aaron Aziz, Farid Kamil, or Shaheizy Sam...he would have the similar description for eyebrows.

Okay. Let's imagine if we don't have tv or the producers have never thought of adapting a novel into a movie. Our imagination will be too abstract. Remember Harry Potter? Well, though the book is nicer but we couldn't help enjoying the tangible version of its movies.

Same goes to Seth Tan. Or Irfan Ikhmal.

If there is no drama, then they will resemble...

ANGRY BIRDS.

Where the eyebrows are thick, attached and deep set:)

Scary isn't it?

Well, thanks film producers!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

sha: sup torpedo for dumbo


Dumbo & Timothy
Originally uploaded by WEBmikey
You're so mean when you talk about yourself; you were wrong.
Change the voices in your head; make them like you instead.
So complicated, look happy, you'll make it
Filled with so much hatred, such a tired game.
It's enough; I've done all I can think of.
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same.
-F***in' Perfect by Pink

Have you ever heard of people saying this, "You say things for 40 times and it will become a prayer for you."

"Sha tu nak boyfriend macam Pasha, macam Aaron Aziz..." that statement was deliberately mentioned to make fun of me, I knew.

The guys were speaking slowly. Then they laughed. After that they whispered. And they laughed again.Loudly.

"Badan macam gajah, tempat duduk ni pon kau tak muat!" someone laughed loudly. Others followed.

I smiled.

"Yeke bro?" I grinned.

They laughed harder.

"Dengar cerita bini tengah pregnant sekarang, bro?" I asked calmly.

"Haah."

"Anak first?"

"Yes."

"Eloklah tuh. Perempuan kalau tak baik-baik boleh jadi sebesar gajah lepas deliver. Baik-baik...besok-besok time make out pegang lemak je macam bakal laki aku. Tak larat dukung gi katil!" I grinned. I heard them, regardless the whisper.

The face started to drop.

"Doa tu, bro!" I smiled broadly.

"Ish kau nieh..." I knew he was angry.

"Kalau teraniaya macam tu lah...kita berdoa. Orang kata makbul doa orang teraniaya ni..." I made my sweetest face.

They didn't like it.

"Bukan semua orang suka makan sup tulang ni, bro. Ada yang suka makan steak, ada suka makan babat. Ada suka gearbox...sebab nak feel sedut lemak-lemak pakai straw. Pernah dengar sup torpedo tak?"

No sound.

"Kata orang tua-tua, selain sup torpedo ni guna untuk tenaga, elok dibagi kat anak-anak yang cari gaduh! Kau nak? Aku belanja!"

"Apasal pulak?"

"Mana tau aman damai kita lepas ni. Taklah korang cari gaduh ngan aku. Paling koman pun korang tengok wife korang, girlfriend korang dulu sebelum kutuk aku."

Ambik kau!

Though of course, I didn't really asked that from God. Ish...I was not that mean.So, people say you're not good for 40 times. You say yes for 40 times too. Are you praying that their prayers would come true?

And my question is, when someone says bad things to you, do you have to reply in nastiest way back?

I'm not innocent. Most of the time I shall reply.

But then again, you will always have an option, kan girls? Up to you lah.

But crying is not one of those. Trust me.

Monday, July 11, 2011

sha: aaron aziz is a gay?

Hudhu JambrolOriginally uploaded by Holhibolhi
I wouldn't wanna be anybody else.
Hey!
You made me insecure,
Told me I wasn't good enough.
But who are you to judge
When you're a diamond in the rough.
I'm sure you got some things
You'd like to change about yourself.
But when it comes to me,
I wouldn't wanna be anybody else.
- Who Say? by Selena Gomez


There was one black and white picture of Aaron which intrigued me. I was down and I felt like boosting my confidence. So, I carefully clicked on the picture and set it as my laptop background.

The picture was not that obvious. It showed half of his face and if you looked at it, you would see a normal picture of a man. Like an FB picture.

1. Man with a Blusher

"Siapa tu?" he asked.

"Boyfriend Sha."

Chuck...chuck...chuckle!!! The man's face turned red. His ears too.

"Tinggi sangat taste you tu," he said good naturedly.

"Memanglah. He is Aaron Aziz!"

"Laaaa...Tadi kata boyfriend?"

"In my dream."

"Dream jelah..." chuck..chuck...chuckle!

"See, that's exactly the point. Kalau I kata I nak kat you, amacam?"

"Hah? Apa pulak!" he blushed.

"And that was my sentiment. Orang macam Aaron tu dah biasa orang minat. Biar I cakap I girlfriend dia pun, I'm sure he knows how to handle la. What if I cakap I minat you?"

He gulped.

"Hahahahaha...that's why you bukan boyfriend I! You tak cool la. I'm sure kalau I cakap kat Aaron I minat dia, he won't mind punya. I nak tangkap gambar dengan dia pun, I don't think he would mind la. Cuba I kata I nak tangkap gambar dengan you, you nak?"

Blushed. Red...crimson red this time.

"Come on. Takkan girlfriend you mengadap gambar you sepanjang masa? A girl must have a preference. Perhaps, I'm free to do it openly because I'm single and available. Given option, I'm sure girlfriend you pun boleh letak gambar orang lain jadi laptop background instead of your picture."

Blushed deep.

"Kan?"

"Apasal? Just because it was laptop picture, you bajet dia ni target I ke? And you gelak sebab I ni hodoh? Tak padan?"

A prawn looked better than him.

"Kan?" I pushed further more.

"You pun tak cukup handsome nak jadi background laptop I..." I was chuck...chuck...chuckling!!!

"Wooo...you're so mean."

"Adil la sikit. You pun, at one time, used to put a picture of Kim Kardashian as your Blackberry background. If your girlfriend was too pretty, ikut spec habis, gambar Kim K tu takde dekat situ."

And I could tell that he was flushing to the roots of his thin hair.

Amik kau.

2. The Straight Like a Ruler Guy

"Wooooo...siapa tu?!" the guy asked me.

"Boyfriend aku."

"Hahahaha....kau ni Sha..." he laughed.

"Gelak pulak. Betullah ni."

"Alaaaa...ni mamat dalam tv nieh...siapa nama dia?" he grinned.

"Aaron Aziz!"

"Haaaa...Aaron Aziz. Mamat ni kau minat Sha?" he chided.

"Yup! Ada apa prob?"

"Dia gay kau tau tak!" he said.

"Gay?! Dahla bro...lu nak kelentong gua yang ni agak-agak sikit. Dah kawen, bini lawa, anak dua orang. Gay?!" I sounded defensive but obviously that accusation was overboard!

"Aku taulah, Sha. Artis-artis ni punya cerita, semua aku tau..." huh berlagak betul! The smug smile was making me frown.

"Serius?"

"Serius..."

"Bro, tanya sikitlah...Jangan marah bro ek..." I changed my tone.

"Hmmm...kau nak tanya apa. Tanyalah." The proud tone was still there. I loathed it.

"Kau pernah kahwin kan?"

"Yup."

"Anak dua kan?"

"Yup."

"Kau gay ke bro?" I asked carefully.

"Eh, apa kau merepek ni, Sha?!"

"Yelah. Aku tanya je. Mana tau, kan bro. Kau cakap tadi, orang dah kawen pon boleh jadi gay. Ada anak boleh jadi gay. Kau ni jambu, putih...agak-agak gay tak?"

He was speechless.

"Jap...aku ada gambar Aaron lagi nieh...jap ek...kau tengok nieh.."

I clicked on the picture of Aaron in Ombak Rindu. The picture of topless Aaron and Maya Karin in kain batik.

"Peerggghh..." he sighed.

"Peerrrgghhh...machonye Aaron?" I teased him.

"Tuh, perempuan tu lah...aku tak cakap Aaron."

"Silap tu. Kalau kau dah kawen, ada anak, ada bini, boleh jadi gay gak. So, dangerous ni, gambar ni...kau boleh horny tengok Aaron nieh...bahaya...aku tutup dulu ye." I closed the windows.

I could see the murderous look in his eyes.

Hahahaha...amik kau!!!!

***

This posting is dedicated to my friends who have been the victims of nasty words. I know how hard it is to be in your shoes because your shoes are also my shoes, dearest. Let's put it this way, nobody would ever stop making fun of you until you close your eyes for the last time! They will only apologise during Hari Raya or they won't!

But do you have to give up? Why do you have to cry? Why do have to say yes to whatever they were saying. Learn. If you can't say anything, just say Alhamdulillah!

Melodi asked Aaron about that "gay" accusation and he answered that very nicely. Can we just learn how to be calm?

At least that's one good thing we should follow.

I was gaping in front of tv when it happened. Mum teased me, "Aaron Aziz in Melodi? At last!"

I have been waiting for that day to come - I watched Melodi (when I normally watched something else) and Aaron was a subject.

Bintang Paling Popular next perhaps?

Sunday, July 10, 2011

sha: aaron aziz itu bersih

aaron azizOriginally uploaded by cutielala
It was Friday. And I shouldn't be cursing. I knew that but I still did that. Deep in my heart, I never regretted the fact that my former assistant, Ms. Joyah left the company for good. Alhamdulillah, my integrity, regardless how much it has been tarnished by her private interest, is still being protected.

But still, I needed space to do my work. No, not working space. Thanks to the effort of smart spending by my employers, I was having a cozy place of my own. I bought two pots of anthurium to make it a bit more at home. It was just that...maybe I needed some adjustment at a new place. It has been too hectic on Friday. Papers flew everywhere, I didn't receive good comment from my superiors, and I needed to adjust several things before I headed to Jalan Duta to pay the tax.

And...Pusat Pungutan Lembaga Hasil Dalam Negeri was only in Jalan Duta.(why was that?!!!) I was from Jalan Raja Muda Abdul Aziz (if you don't know where it is, I'll tell you. It was situated near Jalan Tun Razak, just a small road to accomodate one of the tallest buildings in KL, and where some stupid drivers forget about speed limit). Okay...I was not even close to Jalan Duta, that was exactly my point.

I managed to reach there on time regardless the heavy traffic. In my head I thought that the heavy traffic was because of it was a nature of Friday, where some companies only worked half day. I met this nice lady who talked about her nice work schedule that morning. I thought I should be jealous with more people that day, considering the heavy traffic. "Maybe there was more than one company which practised the half day on Friday," I told myself.

There were too many people over there but LHDN was surprisingly prepared. They did things smoothly compared to the other days. Afterwards, I went to the office in KL Sentral to pick up some documents. I felt strange. It was as if something was wrong somewhere. But I just couldn't figured it out. Maybe I was just being emotional. I knew for a fact that I wanted to rush home but couldn't, so I became grumpy.

One of my kindest aunt suddenly called me and said, "Regardless whether you have tonnes of work to do, or nothing to do, just go home safely. Forget about staying back."

And I suddenly remember the Indhira Gandhi wannabe. Oh yeah, I better go home before things got worse. Regardless it was Brickfields or Kampung Baru, I shouldn't stay at this suffocating place. KL has never been my place and never will. Only a place to work. From my point of view, people could be narrow minded even though they were in the midst of modernisation.

So, I went home, with pile of papers to look forward during the weekend. It was 6pm and I knew I could reach Seremban before 9.00 p.m. I was not a Malay drama freak but recently I had diverted that stigma. Maybe it was because of Kabir Bathia's nice pictures or perhaps I was suddenly emerged from the underground and be one of those in the main stream.

Or else, I was a lunatic. Over an actor called Aaron Aziz.

Tahajjud Cinta. Well, TV3 only showed Aaron for few seconds but I believe the girls out there would agree with me that those seconds were the most precious ones! Trust me, I felt that way about my favourite actor. I, who hated Yusof Haslam's work of art, used to watch Janji Diana at RTM for the sake of watching Aaron Aziz.

I did not managed to watch Nora Elena as you did, folks. There was another love of my life which needed my attention called work. But I knew for sure that if I reached home early that day, I could watch Aaron. I could, I could, I could!!!

But after several hours of waiting for the bus which normally had 15 minutes SLA for waiting time, I queued for almost 2 damn hours at Central Market. I had established frustration, anger and hate all at the same time. Central Market used to be fun in the evening, I loved the baskers but I didn't see them that night. There were no beggars as well...and I still asked myself why.

It was until someone ignited words of provocation when we saw buses full of passengers.

"Stupid la the government...yada...yada..yada...."

And I felt like screaming, "You morons, look what you're doing to me instead! No chance of watching Aaron tonight!!!"

Could they be more civilised? The man was a lawyer but he was playing dumb. And I was wondering why was he so ugly. If he looked like Aaron pun tak apa jugak...

Aaron...Aaron...Aaron...how could I support you?

Aaaahh...the internet.

Smiled. Takpelah Aaron. Maybe we should wait for tonton.com.my to be updated kot.

Twinge of sadness filled my heart when I only managed to watch the last few seconds of the drama. Seconds. Hmm...nak buat macam mana...

Maybe some people could not relate the meaning of peace and watching your idols. Like how I fancy watching Aaron Aziz. Do you know how hard it was for me? Until recently, I had to wait to watch Aaron in dramas or movies. He was not new to the industry but you had to pay attention! Like when he acted in Karma Salina. The role was small but enough to make a fan happy!

Like me.

When I wanted to close my eyes that night, I remember the night when I bumped into A. Samad Said at KL Sentral. I was on the way back from work when I saw a man with white long hair. I thought I was dreaming of seeing one of the Sasterawan Negara whom I adored.

But it made sense when I got to know that he was involved in the unsuccessful BERSIH which effected my day on Friday. It didn't change the fact that I loved his art but well...how should I put that in words?

Aaron...so far, is bersih. I like him regardless the gossips.

But will it stay long? I hope it would. Keep up the good work Aaron! Remain bersih:)

Next entry: I'll write about Aaron as my wallpaper:)