Monday, April 02, 2012

the wired bra and the stinky feet

I always go home late. That's just my hobby. I love the smell the office after everyone has gone home. No smell of pungent masculine sweat of those I do not desire. No smell of dead roses belong to the ones who want to say, "Hey, someone give me a flower!" (in a way to say that they have admirers but the roses were dead anyway. Well, for the sake of bragging, they just left the roses). And lastly, no smell of nasi bungkus for those who cannot go for lunch because the boss' nickname is Hitler.

The only smell that I love, after office hours is the smell of my stinky feet; all sweaty and yucky. I bet the Amazing Race contestants or the ever obnoxious Andrew Zimmen from Bizarre food would ensemble my stinky feet with the smell of stinky tofu. Well, maybe, just maybe, if anyone would love to hook me up with someone after the working hours, they would be thinking twice - especially after they use their sense of smelling.

The first thing I will do when the clock shows 5.30pm is to take off my shoes. I read somewhere in the newspaper that the Japanese use rotten soy for cases like mine; whereby I'm too poor to buy my own quality shoes, too fat to wear heels and work too long to give air to my feet.

But I have not tried it yet.

Some of us are too unfortunate, it's whether we can't fit into the work uniform or we just can't afford to buy the new work uniform. I fall into both categories but I am lucky that we do not wear uniforms at work yet - otherwise you will be hearing about a girl who jump from Level 22 of a not-so-tall building near Jalan Semarak.

Maybe I'm just waiting for the money to drop from the sky so that I can at least buy a new pair of shoes. Or I simply do not know how to use this fermented soy. We can't just use kicap or tauchu, can't we? Or even tempeh? Will it help me to get a sweet scented feet?

People can be so mean.

Like when you are in school and a big breasted girl run 100m at the field. The boys who think that sperm is the size of tadpole will just laugh at how she wants to keep her composure by ignoring the fact that her breasts are bouncing. Of course, parents will let the daughter wear chemise first and once the breasts start to develop, they will buy her this what I called a "puberty bra". This big breasted girl will not wear something expensive like lacy bra yet - but there are needs for her to wear the wired ones. Even though they are so young - we just cannot help it that children these days mature quite fast.

Otherwise people will keep on laughing and pointing at her chest.

But that's something which we just cannot control. I have always wonder why people laugh at big breasts when I was small and not when I'm all grown up. Why is it normal for fat girls to have fat breasts and no one will say that she is sexy. But the moment a skinny girl wears 38D, a rapist will be just around the corner to grab her.

Why? Why? Why?

And...why on earth is this - Katherine McPhee cannot play Marilyn Monroe in Smash while the other girl with the fat breast could - when she is not as beautiful as Marilyn? Because her bra is wired?

So, I tell myself - the breast is just like my feet. People have perceptions based on their discriminative minds. Marilyn must be big breasted, skinny girls with big breast are sexy but the fat ones are not.

And my feet - is a smelly women's feet. It's okay if a guy has a smelly feet - if his skin is like Remy Ishak, move like Zac Effron, and look exactly like Aaron Aziz - his feet problem is not a problem. Look at Robert Pattison - Supernatural dialogue mentioned that he is stinky, press and mags mentioned that he is stinky - but he is still hot.

But how about stinky fat Sha?

"That's too bad, girl! Ladies are supposed to have feet smell of jasmine," they'll say.

Regardless the effort that she is making to finish her work in the office, stinky feet is not tolerable. Remember?

So, I'll remember that part and put words like this in my heart,

"On Monday, go home early and watch Suits. Watch and learn why does a lawyer needs a good suit to impress people. Watch Smash - study the purpose of putting the flat chested Katherine McPhee as Marilyn when all she has is her lovely voice. Watch Hawaii Five-O - observe all the physical activities by Steve McGarrett. Know why Alex O'loughlin is taking his role when the actor in reality has asthma...."

And lastly,

"Watch Revenge - learn the way people are treating people and how a sweet revenge is executed. One day, the critic of breast and feet will have to pay."

Hahaha...I'm just being a TV freak, folks.
But then again, who says I should stay in the office and let my stinky feet spread its green aura?

Live life, love life:)


kak ijan said...

I remember having the same problems during my secondary school. LOL! :D

Anonymous said...

sebab tu kat office.. pakcik ada 2 pasang kasut dan 1 pasang selipar....

kasut utk naik moto..... kasut diapakai ketika miting... dan selipar yg semamang nye menjadi pakaian seragam pakcik... huhuhuh

biasa la sha.... nak wat mcmana.... kalau keje 12 jam.. mau nye lemas kaki......

Faezah Zee said...

okay, i'm just gonna LOL. cause i love it.