The movie was Lord of The Rings. I remember sitting at the left handside of the guy I admired and held back tears as my own friend took her place at his right side. He was sitting in the middle, between me and her.
She had this smell of Flower by Kenzo all over her body. I only sprayed baby cologne beneath my earlobes. The budget for perfume was nearly unavailable. A week of hunger would be sufficient to buy 50 milliliters of sweet scented drops of eau de toilette. But then I only had an RM50 per week. So, I just spent RM5 to smell nice. The other RM45 was for food and transportation and books.
Perhaps, it was the perfume which made her more attractive. Well, Kenzo and Johnson & Johnson price range was quite huge. I was not sure and if you ask me now, I am still unsure. Whether the price and the prestige made us different.And if the smell was what it took, then I should have declared my loss. Well, I lost.
He bent his head near to my ear and whispered, "Sejuk?"
I nodded and wrapped my arms around myself.
He said, "Sorry Sha, aku tak boleh bagi sweater. Peluk handbag jelah. Boleh?"
Then I saw him wrapping the lush Adidas around her shoulders.
She snuggled deeply into her seats. I hugged my handbag tighter. Well, she was wearing the cute Esprit baby T with Bonita hair clips. I was wearing the average Padini Authenthic three quarter T with tudung bawal. Her arms were bare, the fabric was thin, the breasts were prominent. Technically, I was covered. The boots helped to keep my feet warm. NOSE sandals, however, were pretty but once she went into the cinema, made her toes felt funny. Aside from the North Pole, cinema was one of the coldest place on earth. And if the exposed skin was what it took, then I should have surrendered a point. It was freely given. Well, I lost again.
Arwen and Aragorn made a perfect and romantic couple. Yet they had challenges and obstacles. That was armful and caused several minutes spent in sorrow. Things were sad, things were dreadful. As Saruman became more powerful, the tears became a river. She used Clinique, her chins were smooth. No pimple, no wrinkle, he would be tempted to smooch. He took his right hand and wiped the moisture away. As I rummaged through the handbag to find my own way. Kleenex was good for the chubby cheeks. I washed them everyday with the cheap goat milk soap. And if the alabaster skin was what it took, then I should have taken a rock and smashed my hope.Well, I lost again and again.
The popcorn was as sweet as a honey comb. Legolas made his appearance; the girls succumbed to the beauty of blond hair and the cuteness of Orlando Bloom. The girl got carried away, so he held her hand. It lingered there until the end. The charm bracelet had a northern star while my jelly bracelet was not feminine enough to lure the attention of the unrequited love to cure my scar. So I kept my silence when praises were given. The movie was at peak and I was being tough. I was all alone in the emotional room even though we went out as a group of twelve. Beside me - was the caring gestures which hurt a lot. I knew I missed the point with a drop shot. And if the feminism was what it took, then I should have just let it be....
Let it be...let it be...and I lost...again.
The movie ended. I left the cinema with a heavy heart. I was thinking about the things which were so hard. How could I survived being in the middle? Is there anybody else I should mingle? I looked at her pink cheeks and pink lips. We went to the loo together and share some things called beauty tips. On how to make ourselves looked less Ronal McDonald's. And whether or not to make him tingle. And then she asked me,
I looked at her with a puzzling smile.
"Aku tak bawak," she explained.
"Handbag aku. Dekat Remy," she explained.
"Okay. Nah, " I passsed sanitary pad.
She went into the room and I pursed my lips. The mole was too big. The cheeks were too chubby. The eyes - hmmmm....panda.
I accidentally criticizing the God's creation which was reflecting on the mirror.
While the ache was still there, I dragged my feet towards the entrance of the ladies. There, I saw that. I saw that. That. That. That.
Yes, he was perfect.
But he clutched a handbag.
Pink....feminine and so damn cute under the armpit which was surely...hairy.
O. M. Gucci!
Gucci has never looked any better than that.
I understood that sometime I could be blind. But at that time I was very sure that the last thing I wanted was for a man to clutch my handbag. He could hold it...but not clutch it.
Regardless how perfect he was, that might be his only flaws. So I knew there was no actual loss.
I might be weird, I might be ridiculous?