Friday, November 23, 2012

pasal sirih junjung pun kepoh

Sirih Junjung
"You're not a good person because you like doing what's right. You are one because you do what's right even though you don't like it"

Few years ago, when I was still working two jobs in a day, I had this dream:
To love and to be loved.

Perhaps it was true that Hindi movies were made with happy ending so that the manual labours were not going to burn the cinema. They endured too much and pain and sadness in their lives until they refused to have that in a movie. A story in the film was their escape; and that escape required free mind and smiles and grins and...HOPE.

As a normal girl at the age of 20s, I have set my dreams and hope. So, I planned my wedding in my head.

This was my post back then in this beloved blog called Love is a Four Letter Word:
My family spread a huge tikar mengkuang under cherry blossom (sakura) trees. Then on top of the tikar mengkuang, there is a guy wearing white baju Melayu sitting on bantal nikah, shaking the Tok Imam's hand while vowing, "Aku terima nikahnya Chisha Cheryna Pires dengan mas kahwinnya RM200 tunai..." Then the flowers fall on everyone's laps; hiding the tears from parents' faces...

Then, there will be a fat bride (that'll be me!) in a purplish white baju kurung sitting together with the families on the tikar mengkuang. She smile broadly while the falling flowers creates extra accessories to the brides tudung as they fall on her head...hmmm...nice...

It is such a simple ceremony with lesser than 20 guests.

Simple kan?

I had never dreamed better than that. All I wanted was an outdoor wedding. Somewhere under a tree, with a little bit flowers here and there. Of course I dreamed of cherry blossom wisteria, and hydrangea just like in the Japanese anime. I was engrossed with Fruit Basket back then :)

But even when I wrote that post three years ago, I knew that there would be a reality.

When I reached 20, I told my mother that I would be finding my own partner. But she would be free to choose a partner for me (provided that she knew that there would be compatibility and chemistry). I believed that parents' blessing was everything.

When I reached 25, I discussed with my mother about my wedding plans. I had someone asking for my hand at that time, and we were confident that we could make it. So, the plan was an akad nikah, hantaran of 7 returned with 9, a wang hantaran of RM7,777.77, and 200 guests. The ceremony should take place at Masjid Negeri, Seremban which was also just in front of Seremban Lake Garden. I imagined my family picture under a tree with flower petals; even though it might not be a cherry blossom tree. 

Back then, nobody questioned about the plan of a small ceremony. In fact, they suggested for more brilliant ideas.

"Kalau kakak kahwin nanti, nak bagi telur jelah. Apple pon best. Sebiji seorang cukup," my mother immitated me. My aunties were around.

"Haaa...bagus jugak. Traditional macam tu, kan kakak," my eldest aunty told me.

"Kalau jadi, kahwin, aunty...jodoh tak tau lagi. Tapi tulah...ingat nak buat simple macam dulu-dulu, pakai tisu," I answered.

"Eh, kau biar betul kakak? Orang dah tak buat dah macam tu. Kedekut betul!" my other aunty exclaimed.

"Orang tak buat la nak buat ni. Nak buat style tradisional telur dalam tisu ikat macam gula2 or bakul tu," I smiled.

"Tapi tisu nanti koyaklah kakak," the other aunty said.

"Pakai serviette yang kotak2 ke, style English flowers tu kan cantik?" I said with a grin.

They nodded approvingly. There I was, smiling with my wedding plans.

Unfortunately, folks, things were not going according to plans. Aye, I bought my bras with him. Aye, families were happy to see us together. Aye, we were very much in love. But, Allah knew better. I would be telling you one day, about him and my crushed pelamin. But let's just say that it did not end up like a fairy tale.

Alhamdulillah, the family has been very understanding and nobody said hurful things.

"Lovely insight into your thoughts and dreams Sha...dreams are free so dream on. I will definitely do your wedding if and when you get married, insya-Allah. Now that I know what you like, I have ideas to share with you that will make your purple event beautiful. Why limit to one colour? That's old school. Do 2 or 3 even 5 shades of colours that will blend with purple. I have done tons if weddings with purple themes. But most of the time it is according to what my client wants. If you give me a free hand and let me create something unique and different for you...then I will give my best. Hehe."

I have number of aunties and neighbours and even my mother's friends to consider - so far they have been very supportive.

At the age of 30, I was ecstatic whenever friends were getting married. I took annual leave when cousins were going through their akad and made sure that they had the best ceremony ever. I never skipped a wedding, unless it was totally unavoidable. For me, a predicament did not stopped me from celebrating others.

I read about Kiera Sakura's wedding plans and it made me smile - she loved sakura. It was her wedding theme. Well, someone's dream came true even though mine crushed to ashes. I loved the way she wrote about her journey and the way she carried herself. No snobbish comments, no pessimistic vibes and narcissist statements. 

Perhaps, that was the reason why she was one of my adik sayangs in this blogging world :)

However, I was annoyed with some things that I found in Twitter:
"Kepala hantaran. Kepala hantaran tak sudah. Kepala apak hang. Nak sangat sirih junjung bagai - menjunjung adat katanya. Bazir tahu? Bazir."

It was just an engagement ceremony from what my friend told me but the engaged girl made hassle more that Diana Danielle ever did for her wedding! Well, at least Diana Danielle was cool and beautiful and I had the contradict impression towards the girl who tweet that about sirih junjung. I was told that she was pissed because it cost her RM80 to prepare sirih junjung when she could buy other things with the money. She had also proposed for 7 returned with 7 hantaran but it was rejected by the aunties.

Some aunties were difficult to handle - they complained too much. But age has taught me that your maturity and manners play the role. If they have been approached in better ways, their ideas were listened to, and you made them believed that your idea had a point, some might listened. Aye, some aunties tend to feel that they were right all the time - but if one believed in you, there was no way that your points would be defended.

Besides, I always believe that sarcasm won't resolve the issue. Especially when you can't handle the sarcastic remarks given by others :)

Besides, it would be nice to keep calm and save your mother some face, don't you think?

Takkan kita nak orang kata mak kita tak tahu jaga anak pula?
Kalau saudara kita bilang cilaka, musuh kita panggil apa pula?

23 comments:

SURIA AMANDA said...

kadang2..kita x tau mcm mana nak tutup mulut2 org yg kuarkan ayat2 sarcastic mcm tu kan..plan kita semua komplen..plan kazen2 yg menjadi kesayangan..senyap jer..ikuttt jer..oh..hakak dah melaluinya....next my wedding..kalau ada mulut2 longkang ni...mmg hakak halau awal2..eh..eh..emosi lak...

Nizam.Ariff said...

umpama tarik rambut dalam tepung... payah dan perlu berhati-hati

Len Inouie said...

I love this entry..

Can't say much.
Well. for me all I want is a simple happy life.

wantie said...

hmm... to love and to be love. memang best kalau to be love by somebody. tapi untuk mendapatkan to be love kita kea tu love dulu kan..kan..kan..

my parent pun sama let me feel free utk pilih life partner. as long as I happy also them..

kekadang, bila time wedding ceremody, memang banyak idea nak buat itu nak buat ini. yang tukang tambah idwa pun ada. Tapi bila majlis berjalan kekadang tak semuanya berjalan seperti yg di rancang. sebab yg rancang tu kita. then kita le yg kawin. so sape emcee tu? kalau kita sendiri sah sah le berjalan lancar kan.. hehehe..


but overall akak tengok your mother is a good friend for you. listen and listerner..

wantie said...

ups.. listen & listener ( typo)

boni kacak said...

owh... awak ada kisah menayat hati berkenaan kahwin rupanya...saya ingatkan awak dengan bf yang sama2 pergi beli bra tu masih lagi berhubungan... saya minta maaf ye

Rai Ourkizuna said...

kak sha,
saya pun suka sangat tengok cerita fruit basket..back in 2006.. :D
macam sweet je kan..hehehe..

to tell the truth..i am not good in handling the wedding day..nearly never attend any of it..sebab ada semacam memory pahit pasal wedding sendirik. kijam kan..just that.. saya belum berjaya sincerely celebrate others with the memory..huhu..

4feet8 said...

best ke fruit basket? nak tgk jugakla.. hehe..
patutlah kazen yg baru kawin last month guna wedding planner, taknak campur tgn dari byk pihak agaknya.. susah gak mcmtu kan sha.. semua nak bagi pendapat, yg keluar duitnya kita sorang. tak ikut pendapat kang, bermasam muka ngn parents kita pula.. nampaknya, kena guna wedding planner jugaklah nanti (play save)-tapi yg bajet..kihkihkih..

Rasp said...

selalunya masa planning wedding nie...
mcm2 kes berlaku and sometimes it gets so heated sampaikan bermasam muka....
sedangkan if sit down and have a good discussion....
insya Allah things will work out elok...

Cik Nurul Siezuka said...

Kalau nak kawen semua benda kita nak buat.. Tapi x semestinya semuanya berjalan seperti yg kita nakkan..

LydSunshine said...

Banyaknya benda aku nak komen kat entry ni. Kehehe.

Ketama : Indahnya majlis kawen idaman Sha. Saya membayangkan suasana tu, mmg sweet giler. Yg penting baju nak jugak masuk keunguan wp putih. Dah sah jiwang. *macam saye. Kehkeh.

2 : Okay, saya tunggu kisah pelamin anganku musnah sha. Sha dah kata nak citer kan? Aye! Aye!

3 : Sepatutnya ini yg ketama tadi. Bukan citer Hindi je kena hepi ending. Citer tamil pun sama. Kalo kat Malaysia, org Tamil yang selalu ngamuk bakar wayang kalo sad ending. Agaknya sebab tu derang kena ada wayang asing2 dgn wayang biasa.

4 : Meh la add saya kat FB. :p

5 : Hantaran saya masa kawen tak lawa sgt sbb buat sendiri. Terutama sirih junjung. Ingatkan nak skip. Tapi takut kena marah. Dan ingatkan nak suh buat hantaran sama banyak gak, 7 balas 7. Tapi takut kena marah gak. Pelamin aku buruk sbb org yg buat tu sambil lewa. Baik aku buat sendiri kalo aku tau dia buat tak lawa. Yang pasti, moments sewaktu kawen tu... hanya kita sendiri je yg akan ingat sampai bila2. Orang lain takkan ingat punya terutamanya tetamu. Sbb sampai skrg, satu wedding yg saya pernah attend pun saya tak ingat details nya walau segempak mana pun wedding tu.

missSenget said...

nk tahu smbungan cerita pelaminku musnah.. ape jadi semua..

mujur orang keliling beri sokongan.. :)


tentang majlis kawen, selalu ckp kt mak xyah buat knduri kt rumah..makan kt masjid je..meehun goreng.. sapa salam kaut lebih sikit, meehun goreng letak telur..

dapat jelingan tajam dari mak..! haha..

Dee said...

argh...telur yg dibalut tisu masa wedding..sgt tradisional..dulu masa kahwin mmg k dee nak sgt buat mcm tu..tp my sis bising..but we still did telur rebus..tapi stapler kertas2 kilat warna-warni tu & kotak telur..klasik tak? hahaha..tp terlupa nak amik pic lah..hehehe..

btw..k dee pun purple theme gak masa kahwin..ngeee...

Remy hazza said...

back to classic......why not...sapa lagi yg nak kenang semua tu kalau tidak kita sendiri......
hopefully your wedding day soon seperti yg dirancangkan sha....
InsyaAllah.....

Dinas Aldi said...

So the bra guy is gone huh.. *sigh*

The original wedding plan sounds divine, adik. Simple yet meaningful. I pray that He will bless you with your heart's desire one day :)

klcitizen cikgunormah said...

Purple ya? Memang cantik, terbayang dalam kepala, indahnya majlis. Dengan kehendak Allah nanti ia akan terlaksana.... bersabar dan terus berdoa

Aien Alien said...

err...Kak kita pun ada terdetik dalam hati nak balut telur dalam tisu je macam dulu2. tapi makin lama makin banyak idea...bagi bahulu pecah 8 la. itu la ini la..campur tangan banyak pihak. ini baru idea...hehe.

Seremban Lake Garden...makin lawa kan sekarang? lama tak pergi sana..

Rapunzeel Cikilolo said...

pasti ada hikmah. satu hari yang kita tak tahu kan?

marliana said...

Klu nk sirih junjung murah buat la sendiri. Zaman skrg ni nk murah boleh tp jgn komplen buuk plak bila x cantik. Some good n beautiful things are pricey. Take it or leave it!!!

kiera'sakura said...

Kak Sha buat saya menagis!! ;( akak saya jugak sayangkan kak sha. sungguh saya sayang walau kita xpernah jmpe lagi sobsobsob..

bab adat tue memang susah nk tepis klu keluarga kita dh terbiasa dgn adat. mcm wedding kira mmg byk kata yg perlu dipertahan demi nak meninggikan syariat melebihi adat. alhamdulilah mcm kata kak sha la kan klu betol gayanya kita bercakap insyaAllah org yg lebih tue akan paham apa yg kita nak. semua terpulang kat diri kita sndiri mcm mana nk corakkn kan kak :)

saya sedia membaca klu Kak Sha sudi ceritakan cerita Kak Sha tue. dan kita sama pernah bertunang dan pernah putus tunang satu masa dlu. Alhamdulilah Allah hadirkan pelangi selepas hujan yang turun bersama petir dan saya pasti Allah dah sediakan pelangi yang indah untuk kakak saya nie :)

hainom OKje said...

Insyaallah .... sampai masa nanti impian yang diimpikan akan tercapai dengan izin Allah....

Betullah Sha...kalau kawen dulu-dulu mest bagi telur bungkus pakai tisu gulung kanan kiri pas tu ikat sebagai tangkai.... he,..he... sekarang dah tak de lagikan!!!.....

fiza said...

Tengah planning ke ni sha? Terbayang² majlis kawin sha nanti...ekekeke...TApi kan, klo gi wedding memang dah tak jumpa telur balut ngan tisu skang nih. Kalo ada pon mungkin yg kat kampung.

Len Inouie said...

Hahahahahah...
Len dah baca balik :)

Adeh! Nak gelak tapi hati menangis pun ade.Aih.. yg mn satu respon nak keluar dulu?

Sakit kot.
Well.. ada masa Len Baca entry lama2 supaya lebih tahu k?