Few years ago, when I was still working two jobs in a day, I had this dream:
To love and to be loved.
Perhaps it was true that Hindi movies were made with happy ending so that the manual labours were not going to burn the cinema. They endured too much and pain and sadness in their lives until they refused to have that in a movie. A story in the film was their escape; and that escape required free mind and smiles and grins and...HOPE.
As a normal girl at the age of 20s, I have set my dreams and hope. So, I planned my wedding in my head.
This was my post back then in this beloved blog called Love is a Four Letter Word:
My family spread a huge tikar mengkuang under cherry blossom (sakura) trees. Then on top of the tikar mengkuang, there is a guy wearing white baju Melayu sitting on bantal nikah, shaking the Tok Imam's hand while vowing, "Aku terima nikahnya Chisha Cheryna Pires dengan mas kahwinnya RM200 tunai..." Then the flowers fall on everyone's laps; hiding the tears from parents' faces...
Then, there will be a fat bride (that'll be me!) in a purplish white baju kurung sitting together with the families on the tikar mengkuang. She smile broadly while the falling flowers creates extra accessories to the brides tudung as they fall on her head...hmmm...nice...
It is such a simple ceremony with lesser than 20 guests.
I had never dreamed better than that. All I wanted was an outdoor wedding. Somewhere under a tree, with a little bit flowers here and there. Of course I dreamed of cherry blossom wisteria, and hydrangea just like in the Japanese anime. I was engrossed with Fruit Basket back then :)
But even when I wrote that post three years ago, I knew that there would be a reality.
When I reached 20, I told my mother that I would be finding my own partner. But she would be free to choose a partner for me (provided that she knew that there would be compatibility and chemistry). I believed that parents' blessing was everything.
When I reached 25, I discussed with my mother about my wedding plans. I had someone asking for my hand at that time, and we were confident that we could make it. So, the plan was an akad nikah, hantaran of 7 returned with 9, a wang hantaran of RM7,777.77, and 200 guests. The ceremony should take place at Masjid Negeri, Seremban which was also just in front of Seremban Lake Garden. I imagined my family picture under a tree with flower petals; even though it might not be a cherry blossom tree.
Back then, nobody questioned about the plan of a small ceremony. In fact, they suggested for more brilliant ideas.
"Kalau kakak kahwin nanti, nak bagi telur jelah. Apple pon best. Sebiji seorang cukup," my mother immitated me. My aunties were around.
"Haaa...bagus jugak. Traditional macam tu, kan kakak," my eldest aunty told me.
"Kalau jadi, kahwin, aunty...jodoh tak tau lagi. Tapi tulah...ingat nak buat simple macam dulu-dulu, pakai tisu," I answered.
"Eh, kau biar betul kakak? Orang dah tak buat dah macam tu. Kedekut betul!" my other aunty exclaimed.
"Orang tak buat la nak buat ni. Nak buat style tradisional telur dalam tisu ikat macam gula2 or bakul tu," I smiled.
"Tapi tisu nanti koyaklah kakak," the other aunty said.
"Pakai serviette yang kotak2 ke, style English flowers tu kan cantik?" I said with a grin.
They nodded approvingly. There I was, smiling with my wedding plans.
Unfortunately, folks, things were not going according to plans. Aye, I bought my bras with him. Aye, families were happy to see us together. Aye, we were very much in love. But, Allah knew better. I would be telling you one day, about him and my crushed pelamin. But let's just say that it did not end up like a fairy tale.
Alhamdulillah, the family has been very understanding and nobody said hurful things.
"Lovely insight into your thoughts and dreams Sha...dreams are free so dream on. I will definitely do your wedding if and when you get married, insya-Allah. Now that I know what you like, I have ideas to share with you that will make your purple event beautiful. Why limit to one colour? That's old school. Do 2 or 3 even 5 shades of colours that will blend with purple. I have done tons if weddings with purple themes. But most of the time it is according to what my client wants. If you give me a free hand and let me create something unique and different for you...then I will give my best. Hehe."
I have number of aunties and neighbours and even my mother's friends to consider - so far they have been very supportive.
At the age of 30, I was ecstatic whenever friends were getting married. I took annual leave when cousins were going through their akad and made sure that they had the best ceremony ever. I never skipped a wedding, unless it was totally unavoidable. For me, a predicament did not stopped me from celebrating others.
I read about Kiera Sakura's wedding plans and it made me smile - she loved sakura. It was her wedding theme. Well, someone's dream came true even though mine crushed to ashes. I loved the way she wrote about her journey and the way she carried herself. No snobbish comments, no pessimistic vibes and narcissist statements.
Perhaps, that was the reason why she was one of my adik sayangs in this blogging world :)
However, I was annoyed with some things that I found in Twitter:
"Kepala hantaran. Kepala hantaran tak sudah. Kepala apak hang. Nak sangat sirih junjung bagai - menjunjung adat katanya. Bazir tahu? Bazir."
It was just an engagement ceremony from what my friend told me but the engaged girl made hassle more that Diana Danielle ever did for her wedding! Well, at least Diana Danielle was cool and beautiful and I had the contradict impression towards the girl who tweet that about sirih junjung. I was told that she was pissed because it cost her RM80 to prepare sirih junjung when she could buy other things with the money. She had also proposed for 7 returned with 7 hantaran but it was rejected by the aunties.
Some aunties were difficult to handle - they complained too much. But age has taught me that your maturity and manners play the role. If they have been approached in better ways, their ideas were listened to, and you made them believed that your idea had a point, some might listened. Aye, some aunties tend to feel that they were right all the time - but if one believed in you, there was no way that your points would be defended.
Besides, I always believe that sarcasm won't resolve the issue. Especially when you can't handle the sarcastic remarks given by others :)
Besides, it would be nice to keep calm and save your mother some face, don't you think?
Takkan kita nak orang kata mak kita tak tahu jaga anak pula?
Kalau saudara kita bilang cilaka, musuh kita panggil apa pula?